Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video] • Hacker News Board

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#41

Post by opwieurposiu » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:17 PM UTC

cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

I solved this problem with one year of lifting weights and dancing lessons. About 2hr/day 6day/week time commitment. It is not quick or easy, but it is simple and very effective.

When you have muscle, girls on the bus will come sit next to you and chat you up. They forgive you if you speak inelegantly. When you can dance your body language and posture will make people feel at ease. It was a strange experience for me as a nerd. Apps are a waste of time.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#42

Post by LinuxBender » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:19 PM UTC

Good analysis and video. If the analysis is revised I would ask that the numbers include variations based on profiles that include the man holding a puppy or being next to a dog based on an old discussion from ages ago on another site and some anecdotal data from a small sample of testing we did as a matter of affecting the attractiveness score. I realize it's a shallow attribute but most dating apps are shallow.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#43

Post by FireBeyond » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:22 PM UTC

One of my friends, as a broke college student, worked for a 'sugardaddy' site. Her job was to manage the inboxes of all the fake profiles (and the site had a dedicated UI for her and others, that all the profiles were tagged internally, and their inboxes were amalgamated and she'd work through messages).

Her remit was to respond to the messages, and she could choose, but some should be "thanks no thanks", some non-commital, some curious. But essentially she was to have between 1 and 5 interactions with each user before one way or another, fading away. Losing interest, some incompatibility, or just ghosting.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#44

Post by inglor_cz » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:25 PM UTC

psd1 wrote: post #23

xnavra50 wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.

Another way to look at it is that the dating asymmetry comes from risk asymmetry. The big risks are pregnancy, violence, and slut-shaming, and those fall far more on females than males. - Pregnancy is a solved problem in humane technological societies. - Violence by men against women could be ameliorated significantly by teaching boys better and prosecuting sex crime better. - Slut-shaming is just jealous recidivist…

Hmm.

"Another way to look at it is that the dating asymmetry comes from risk asymmetry."

That sounds plausible, but I don't think that actual data from dating apps indicate that women really choose their dates by their perceived safeness. It seems that they do prefer younger, hotter and richer dates, which does not necessarily correlate with low risk. "Being very obviously harmless" does not seem to be a good male mating strategy on Tinder et al.

(I am not really inclined to fight a culture war right now, but data is valuable. And I fully understand that people in general are attracted towards better looking peers.)

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#45

Post by gizmo » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:25 PM UTC

Bluescreenbuddy wrote: post #39

gizmo wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Dating is not particularly dangerous for women. When women get murdered it is most often by their long term partner, by an ex, or stalker. Guys can be real jerks when online dating, but it's not true that women are likely to end up in a ditch because of a coffee date gone awry.

Throw a rock in any direction and you'll hit plenty of women who had unsafe dates. Stop being dismissive.

The risk a woman takes on by going on coffee date in a public space is minimal. Instead, women should be (and usually are) on the alert for indicators that guys don't respect boundaries or get pushy/aggressive when they are told no.

When statistics on violence against women get misrepresented that doesn't do anybody a favor. Only people who have an accurate picture about where the real dangers are can make good decisions.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#46

Post by spicymapotofu » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:25 PM UTC

xnavra50 wrote: post #36

psd1 wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My app doesn't let me edit comments, but I think you need to hear this: use of the word "natural" is a strong indicator of intellectual dishonesty. Crunchy people recoil in horror from a listing of ingredients by chemical name, until you tell them it's the constituents of an apple. Social backsliders like to harken back to some mythical golden age, ignoring that a million years ago we were savannah apes with a societ…

So you are disagreeing with one word I used, but not the concept/idea? Would rephrasing it without the word you are afraid of help you? I can do it for you. :)

This kind of trolling is not fit for HN.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#47

Post by imtringued » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:26 PM UTC

tgv wrote: post #15

finebalance wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

... like women are all special and interesting by virtue of being female? Most of humanity is bland and forgettable. Gender is hardly a factor there.

The comment hints at the fact that a group can easily loose a large number of their males, because it doesn't have to hinder procreation. Losing women is much harder to recover. Being special or interesting doesn't come into the equation.

Ah yes, nothing more beautiful than a man impregnating a woman and then divorcing her to do the same thing again with another woman and another woman...

Wait no, that guy is an asshole.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#48

Post by tatrajim » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:26 PM UTC

cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

What worked for me was shaking things up greatly. I joined the Peace Corps, was forced to socialize with fellow volunteers, learn a new language, then daily interact with my new local colleagues, living in radically different surroundings. The combination pushed me out of my shell, gave me new confidence, helped me date attractive and interesting women, and led to a rewarding career and family life.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#49

Post by programmer_dude » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:28 PM UTC

tgv wrote: post #15

finebalance wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

... like women are all special and interesting by virtue of being female? Most of humanity is bland and forgettable. Gender is hardly a factor there.

The comment hints at the fact that a group can easily loose a large number of their males, because it doesn't have to hinder procreation. Losing women is much harder to recover. Being special or interesting doesn't come into the equation.

It's not that simple. A group losing a large number of their males will lead to more incestuous relationships down the line.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#50

Post by inglor_cz » Fri, Jul 21, 2023, 2:29 PM UTC

cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

I am glad to be 45.

Human attraction has so many dimensions, but online dating reduces them all to a bunch of photoshopped pictures in one fell swoop.

I am an average guy (not ugly, but not handsome either, though I was fairly tall for the standards of my country in the 1990s), and most of my 'scores' could be traced towards an ability to make people laugh. Not everyone, of course, but "they say" that I have a dry sense of humor that is refreshing.

Someone else "scores" on kindness, cute goofiness, elegance, ability to play the guitar, nice smell, the ability to listen, inner energy or peace etc.

Nevertheless, you need real world conversations and events to deploy such "weapons". And in the world of 2023, where online apps tend to push out everything else, all those dimensions of attraction just go away.

No wonder that the dating market is becoming "skewed" by such development.