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Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

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Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#31

Post by ianai »

cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

My experience and conclusions are very similar but different. I’m part of an increasingly forgotten subgeneration that graduated college and entered professional life in the Great Recession, amongst additional adversities. That makes me around 20 years your senior. I spent something like 4.5 years unemployed and seemingly unemployable. Now, I make a good six figure wage and my one and only goal is to never again experience anything like that. Doing that is all I could dream of for my life.

And I agree in many ways-men would be as picky. No one owes anyone anything like intimacy. Stuff is frustrating and leads to the incel misplacent of their frustrations. Etc.

Life and the universe have a very uncanny way of being especially cruel. So be kind to each other.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#32

Post by gizmo »

cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

It's not hopeless. In fact, online dating is the most common path to finding a partner.

That said, you have to set yourself apart somehow. Different for every individual, and it takes a serious amount of effort. But it's not impossible, and it's not hopeless, and it's not pointless, and I sympathize and understand why you currently feel that it is.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#34

Post by psd1 »

xnavra50 wrote: post #9
taccicardia wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

Agreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.

My app doesn't let me edit comments, but I think you need to hear this: use of the word "natural" is a strong indicator of intellectual dishonesty.

Crunchy people recoil in horror from a listing of ingredients by chemical name, until you tell them it's the constituents of an apple.

Social backsliders like to harken back to some mythical golden age, ignoring that a million years ago we were savannah apes with a society you wouldn't recognise, and ignoring that sexual freedom / matriarchy / homosexuality / transsexuality are found in nature.

The very fact you use the word "natural" in a discussion about a smartphone app ought to be a hint to you.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#35

Post by c7DJTLrn »

gizmo wrote: post #32
cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

It's not hopeless. In fact, online dating is the most common path to finding a partner. That said, you have to set yourself apart somehow. Different for every individual, and it takes a serious amount of effort. But it's not impossible, and it's not hopeless, and it's not pointless, and I sympathize and understand why you currently feel that it is.

>In fact, online dating is the most common path to finding a partner.

Yeah, and those people are on uppermost part of the attractiveness scale.

If you're average or below, you're going to be spending a LOT of time and effort on an app just for a single date. Do you really want to be spending hours of your day rolling the dice to play a fundamentally rigged game? Even the algorithms of these apps have bias. If your profile isn't well received, it will simply be pushed to the bottom of the card stack, or never even be shown.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#36

Post by xnavra50 »

psd1 wrote: post #34
xnavra50 wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. But isnt feminism about equality? Look, the inequality on Dating Apps is natural - it is a result of biologic difference between genders and their behavior. Certainly nothing wrong with that - you dont correct these. The others - like salaries, (which are of course also subjects to these differences) they want to correct them. Why? Because it benefits them - to have their cake and to eat it.

My app doesn't let me edit comments, but I think you need to hear this: use of the word "natural" is a strong indicator of intellectual dishonesty. Crunchy people recoil in horror from a listing of ingredients by chemical name, until you tell them it's the constituents of an apple. Social backsliders like to harken back to some mythical golden age, ignoring that a million years ago we were savannah apes with a societ…

So you are disagreeing with one word I used, but not the concept/idea? Would rephrasing it without the word you are afraid of help you? I can do it for you. :)

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#37

Post by jtode »

tgv wrote: post #4
jtode wrote: post #2

Because we are cheap and disposable and way more generic than even those who are aware of it can conceive.

Careful. It's only one small inference to women being valuable, and a socio-biological explanation of why so many groups tended to protect women and the consequence for the power balance. Just for the trigger happy: I'm not saying we should lock our women behind the kitchen counter in a modern society, but that roles are much, much older than that, and may have an evolutionary reason.

I speak only ever about men. I am one, I can comment. I look around at us and I call it like I see it.

edit: Not that I don't have thoughts about other genders, and gender in general. In genderal. I even sometimes find it politic to share them. But I will never hesitate to point out men being men. Particularly my fellow whities.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#38

Post by Qem »

cedws wrote: post #28

At risk of making myself look like a loser, I'll share my experience. I have tried dating apps and occasionally get matches but it never really turns into anything. When you realise the girl on the other side has an abundance of men blowing up her phone with first messages, you realise it's hopeless. The usual advice is to date through your network of friends instead, but I'm a very solitary individual. I haven't got…

If it doesn't make you uncomfortable, I'd like to know, how much siblings/cousins have you?

I have the hypothesis shifting demographics made it harder for people to leverage their inner social circle to bootstrap relationships. Say, if the world averaged 3 children/couple, across 2 generations that means each grandchildren will have on average two siblings and six cousins. That is a solid baseline of socialization, through their extended family people would know more people. With 2 children/couple those numbers would fall to 1 and 2, and with 1 child/couple, to 0 and 0.

People can compensate with other socialization sources, like school, but we and people we know there tend to move and drift away from each other. On the other hand, our relatives tend to stick in our lives, for better and worse.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#39

Post by Bluescreenbuddy »

gizmo wrote: post #29
psd1 wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another way to look at it is that the dating asymmetry comes from risk asymmetry. The big risks are pregnancy, violence, and slut-shaming, and those fall far more on females than males. - Pregnancy is a solved problem in humane technological societies. - Violence by men against women could be ameliorated significantly by teaching boys better and prosecuting sex crime better. - Slut-shaming is just jealous recidivist…

Dating is not particularly dangerous for women. When women get murdered it is most often by their long term partner, by an ex, or stalker. Guys can be real jerks when online dating, but it's not true that women are likely to end up in a ditch because of a coffee date gone awry.

Throw a rock in any direction and you'll hit plenty of women who had unsafe dates.

Stop being dismissive.

Re: Why Men Get So Few Matches on Dating Apps [video]

#40

Post by gizmo »

c7DJTLrn wrote: post #35
gizmo wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not hopeless. In fact, online dating is the most common path to finding a partner. That said, you have to set yourself apart somehow. Different for every individual, and it takes a serious amount of effort. But it's not impossible, and it's not hopeless, and it's not pointless, and I sympathize and understand why you currently feel that it is.

>In fact, online dating is the most common path to finding a partner. Yeah, and those people are on uppermost part of the attractiveness scale. If you're average or below, you're going to be spending a LOT of time and effort on an app just for a single date. Do you really want to be spending hours of your day rolling the dice to play a fundamentally rigged game? Even the algorithms of these apps have bias. If your pr…

You need every edge you can get. Great pictures, great bio, funny/interesting/engaging chat. Be in shape. Plan cool dates. Most guys who don't get anywhere with the apps have to 10x their effort. Maybe that feels unfair to you. But it's not unfair.

Dating is extremely hard for people with disabilities or disfigurements. If that's you, I'm sorry. But if you're a regular guy in his 20s your dating pool is stupendously huge and the only thing holding you back is your attitude.

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