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Never waste a midlife crisis

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#41

Post by berdon »

codazoda wrote: post #36

I’m 47 and I’m not sure if I’ve had a midlife crisis, which probably means I have not. My adult kids, however, joke that I’ve had one a year for as long as they’ve been alive. I’m what the late Barbara Sher called a Scanner. I keep a Scanners Daybook and lots of other notebooks and I’m always working on a new project or hobby. When someone asks about my hobbies I often say that I’m a serial hobbyist.

My response is “my hobby is collecting hobbies”. I think it’s more I’m just interested in learning anything and everything.

I’ve never heard of a scanner or a daybook. Coincidentally, I’ve been deeply invested in finding the best way to keep notes… But a non-digital format loses a lot of utility without searching, etc… Maybe I should try it anyway.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#42

Post by TimesOldRoman »

neilv wrote: post #38
sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

How close to Breaking Bad has it gotten?

On a scale from Walter White to Willy Wonka, how WW are you?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#43

Post by johndhi »

This unfortunately falls into the same category in my mind as most advice: "you should ... X."

My mind is sick of hearing the things I should do. I know I should be better and fitter and less wasteful but... I'm tired.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#44

Post by bsimpson »

This mentality is why I'm nomadding despite the constant threats of Return to Office. (I'm at Google.)

I spent a dozen years in San Francisco. I know what serves me there and what doesn't. I know that I find day-to-day life there low-key depressing. I know my friends there have largely moved away and/or moved on to the next chapters of their lives. I know it's way too hard to find a suitable romantic partner there.

Kowtowing to the RTO whims would be relegating myself to another year that's probably a lot like the other ones, with the hard parts getting harder with every year lost.

I don't know where my forever home is, but I owe it to myself to figure it out.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#46

Post by ryandrake »

xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

Nearing-50, non-religious person checking in here: I don't think it has much to do with religion or non-religion. I must be really lucky or really privileged because I haven't had even a hint of "crisis" that I can remember. Knock on wood that I don't catch it somewhere.

Isn't the common denominator of a midlife crisis a yearning for the past? Overwhelming nostalgia? Dad buying a sports car so he can pretend to be 20 and virile again? Mom downing the mimosas at 10AM wishing she didn't make so many mistakes in the past? Uncle Joe can't stop talking about how he was High School senior football captain and had the time of his life in the '70s and that everything sucks now?

Me, on the other hand? I'd never want to go back to my 30s or 20s and especially my teenage years. High School was literally the worst part of my life, I'm talking rock bottom, and my 20s were not much better. But every year thereafter has been better than the previous one. I'm totally optimistic about the future! And while I might not be making more money year after year, I always feel like I have a purpose to achieve, and as my kid grows up, there always seems like there are future moments to look forward to. None of this requires religion.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#47

Post by another_story »

rcme wrote: post #8

I hope I don’t have a midlife crisis. I would view that as somewhat of a failure. I had like 40+ years to figure out what I wanted my life to be like. Feeling the need to change course after so much time would be a little lame.

I'm in my 40s and haven't had one, but I've also never really figured out what I want my life to be like. In truth the question was always more what do I want to do right now? What you want life to be like will continually change, and to me, it seems like those who don't accept that end up disappointed.

I'm currently in a transition period, seeing if changing course from my present occupation is possible. I did the same in my 20s and 30s without difficulty, though it gets harder as you age. If I can good, but if I can't, then it's still ok. Make the best of what's available and enjoy what you have.

Life is a long series of decisions and then you're dead. What you do doesn't really matter, even if the pressing weight of it right now says otherwise. Make life choices that won't pigeonhole you and be open to opportunities you may not expect.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#48

Post by rootusrootus »

sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

> 36 year old middle aged man

You're not quite middle aged yet :). And 33 is way too early for a midlife crisis, surely? Maybe it's just garden variety burnout and/or depression?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#49

Post by sph »

neilv wrote: post #38
sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

How close to Breaking Bad has it gotten?

Less like Breaking Bad and more that like meme of Pablo Escobar waiting in a melancholic mood.

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/pablo-escobar-waiting

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#50

Post by sircastor »

turnsout wrote: post #31
quickthrower2 wrote: post #23

Midlife crisis needs to be split into the "responsible for kids" and "not" categories. The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things, although I suspect on average they don't since fear of things massively outweighs "can you actually do it" factors. Probably the paper boxes we build are smaller than the metal ones outside of them.

I struggle with this—if you have kids, sometimes staying the course feels like the "responsible" thing to do. But plenty of people get laid off out of the blue, and plenty of people pursue their dream and have a thriving second career. There is probably no right answer, but I guess the question is: "what decision can you live with?"

That’s tricky though, because the decision you can live with becomes the decision your partner and children also have to live with - and they get much less choice in the matter.
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