PhD Simulator

On the other end, the suffering paid off. I’m a much better thinker and researcher for it. However, it was brutal getting there.

What I found interesting and I think is true for almost everyone is that doing a PhD is hard, but it will likely be hard for different reasons than you expect. Because of the PhD students I knew as an undergrad and their experiences, I expected to be grinding out work in lab 12 hours a day. My advisor didn’t push me that way (thankfully), and gave me a lot of freedom, but that also meant having very few training wheels and guidance (I liked him as an advisor and he cared / wanted to help as he could, but I got into topics he didn’t know much more about than I did for a long time and I just had to figure it out myself). As a result, my PhD was less of a death march but more a constant battle with existential dread stemming from the uncertainty of whether I’d ever figure things out.

Truer words have never been spoken.

I went back to get a PhD after a solid career where I was in a prominent leadership position at a respectable tech company (in my mid-thirties). I was bored, not motivated with work anymore, and wanted to do something that really pushed me and motivated me in ways that I hadn't felt in years. I also wanted to truly learn some advanced concepts through Grad classes.

I really loved the grad classes (although they were much much much easier than I expected). That is why I moved into research, to really stimulate myself and do something interesting to me in my specific area of expertise. I really enjoyed doing the research too. I was personally motivated and curious on the topics I was researching. It gave me a lot of new-found motivation in life and I really flourished.

But academia: the drama and games you need to engage in to do such simple (arguably trivial or non-important) tasks is ridiculous. I succeeded in my business career because it was results driven. If you produce results, people don't care how you got there exactly. But in academia I felt like it was a board game of "chutes and ladders", mixed with Risk and Monopoly where you had to own parts of the board that other people deem important, you hit chutes that set you back for no apparent reason, you were constantly collecting personal referrals and clout from other professors so you could get their blessing or IOUs. There's a lot of favors and ceremony around trivial tasks and the actual produced value often gets overlooked or forgotten about because you didn't march to the same drum as someone else.

The journey is long and hard and there are a ton of bumps along the way to complain about. But the overall journey is worthwhile.

I think it is similar to marriage. If you meet someone who's been married for 50 years, and you ask them how it has been they will say it was wonderful and then immediately start telling you about all the tough times them and their partner went through. THey might tell you how hard it was when they both lost their jobs or when they almost broke up 10 years in, but they still love the other person and are happy to have had them.

To an outsider it feels like these aren't compelling reasons to get married, but the married person has other feelings that are hard to quantify like the joy of being next to their partner during the hard times, the ability to share in the joys of that new job, the ability to offload some of their stress, or even the joy of waking up next to them each morning. Those outweigh the shitty things, but the shitty things often get mentioned the most because they stand out.

I think the same thing is true for the PhD. It takes most people 3-7 years (averaging around 4.5) to get a PhD. This is a significant journey that will have ups and downs. You hear all the shitty things on here. But there are joys of learning something you truly love at a detail of focus that is not possible with any other degree. There is the joy of breaking new ground with research and the satisfaction of being the shoulders that future generations will stand on with their own research. The joy of having a paper published or the networking that you get to be a part of. The journey is worth it. It is unique for everyone and you are in control. Its a ~5 year journey that will inheritly have ups and downs. Do you need a PhD to succeed in life? Certainly not. But can it be one of the core pillars of your life if you choose to do it? 100% Yes.