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Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

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Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#121

Post by solardev »

sigg3 wrote: post #117
totallywrong wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does that mean nothing ever happens until you've agreed to a serious relationship? I do not see that refreshing or better in any way than our dating style.

Our dating style did have this kind of communication too, in declaring one's intentions. Either we've forgotten, discarded it or could be the result of a more nomadic lifestyle. I'm not a historian. I'm also from Norway, but I think this goes for most of Europe. However, grain of salt. If a man declared that his efforts towards a girl were an intention to get married, and subsequently reneged without good cause, the…

Not familiar with European dating customs. How does this "declaration" work? Do you announce to the other person (or the whole town) whether you wish to pursue marriage or just sex upfront? And the village would be okay with it as long as you don't lie about marriage just to get laid?

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#122

Post by lmm »

solardev wrote: post #120
lmm wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Does that mean nothing ever happens until you've agreed to a serious relationship? You go on dates. Among people looking for a serious relationship, many women won't have sex - may not even kiss - if you haven't agreed to a serious relationship. Of course hookups exist, but looking for a hookup is a more or less separate activity from looking for a relationship, and happens in different spaces with (largely) differ…

How do you know if you want to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them first?

Common interests, shared life goals, all the usual things you care about in a partner. A confession doesn't mean you're married, but it means you're serious.

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#123

Post by bigger_inside »

franciscop wrote: post #66
crazygringo wrote: post #60

> Is it like or is it love? It's definitely just like. Sure, we say "I loved that donut" or "I love her personality!" but you'd never just straight-up say "I love you" with that meaning because it would be completely misunderstood. So this whole article seems premised on a mistranslation that the author brings up but never actually admits.

Coming from Spain we have a similar difference between like and love that you don't in English so it might be difficult to grasp. Basically we have a middle-level between both of them: 1. I like you. Me gustas. Suki-desu -> very early in the relationship, or to start off 2. [blank]. Te quiero. Daisuki-desu -> formal couple, to express feelings of love 2.5 I love you -> formal couple after long time dating I believe,…

so, would you say "me caes bien" is 0.5?

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#124

Post by franciscop »

bigger_inside wrote: post #123
franciscop wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Coming from Spain we have a similar difference between like and love that you don't in English so it might be difficult to grasp. Basically we have a middle-level between both of them: 1. I like you. Me gustas. Suki-desu -> very early in the relationship, or to start off 2. [blank]. Te quiero. Daisuki-desu -> formal couple, to express feelings of love 2.5 I love you -> formal couple after long time dating I believe,…

so, would you say "me caes bien" is 0.5?

LOL "me caes bien" is not in the scale of romantic relationships, nuances might be locale-dependent, but it's the bare minimum like "I don't hate you", like usually you'd heard it either as "respect", or as "you are okay, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning" vibes.

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#125

Post by georgeobama »

solardev wrote: post #120
lmm wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Does that mean nothing ever happens until you've agreed to a serious relationship? You go on dates. Among people looking for a serious relationship, many women won't have sex - may not even kiss - if you haven't agreed to a serious relationship. Of course hookups exist, but looking for a hookup is a more or less separate activity from looking for a relationship, and happens in different spaces with (largely) differ…

How do you know if you want to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them first?

[dead]

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#126

Post by willcipriano »

solardev wrote: post #121
sigg3 wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Our dating style did have this kind of communication too, in declaring one's intentions. Either we've forgotten, discarded it or could be the result of a more nomadic lifestyle. I'm not a historian. I'm also from Norway, but I think this goes for most of Europe. However, grain of salt. If a man declared that his efforts towards a girl were an intention to get married, and subsequently reneged without good cause, the…

Not familiar with European dating customs. How does this "declaration" work? Do you announce to the other person (or the whole town) whether you wish to pursue marriage or just sex upfront? And the village would be okay with it as long as you don't lie about marriage just to get laid?

Its called getting engaged, you propose and she goes around town telling everyone.

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#127

Post by illiac786 »

solardev wrote: post #120
lmm wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Does that mean nothing ever happens until you've agreed to a serious relationship? You go on dates. Among people looking for a serious relationship, many women won't have sex - may not even kiss - if you haven't agreed to a serious relationship. Of course hookups exist, but looking for a hookup is a more or less separate activity from looking for a relationship, and happens in different spaces with (largely) differ…

How do you know if you want to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them first?

that’s trolling. Please read the guidelines.

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#128

Post by solardev »

illiac786 wrote: post #127
solardev wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you know if you want to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them first?

that’s trolling. Please read the guidelines.

Sorry, but I don't see how this is trolling. In the US, it's expected that sex will happen early in a relationship, before it becomes serious or long term, and would be one of the criteria for determining whether that relationship should get more committed. (Edit: Unless those involved are very Christian, in which case a different pattern plays out, but that's not the point here)

If that's not how it works in Japan, cool, but what happens then? Is sex just not as important there? Do they break up soon afterward if it's not good? Do they just suffer silently?

Different cultures have always had different approaches to sexuality and partnership, and it's interesting to learn about them. Not sure why you thought that's trolling.

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#129

Post by solardev »

lmm wrote: post #122
solardev wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you know if you want to be in a relationship with someone without having sex with them first?

Common interests, shared life goals, all the usual things you care about in a partner. A confession doesn't mean you're married, but it means you're serious.

Are those things considered way more important than sexual compatibility then? What happens if they eventually have sex and one partner is severely disappointed, but they've already invested so much into the relationship?

Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)

#130

Post by illiac786 »

solardev wrote: post #128
illiac786 wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

that’s trolling. Please read the guidelines.

Sorry, but I don't see how this is trolling. In the US, it's expected that sex will happen early in a relationship, before it becomes serious or long term, and would be one of the criteria for determining whether that relationship should get more committed. (Edit: Unless those involved are very Christian, in which case a different pattern plays out, but that's not the point here) If that's not how it works in Japan,…

ah, sorry, now I see what you mean.

I think the mistunderstanding is on the word “serious” here.

I think the OP means “serious” as in “we are seriously commited to try”, not as in “we garantee it will last a decade or more”.

Also, let’s both acknowledge that serious relationships without sex are possible and not even rare. I mean, I have relatives who married again at 75, and it certainly wasn’t for the sex.

sorry, I really thought you were baiting someone to reply “relationship is not only about sex you know”…

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