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Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

zakhomuth.com

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Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#71

Post by randlet »

LeandroLovisolo wrote: post #66
spacefood wrote: post #50

Zak. Please listen to me. I suffer depression, but you know what has helped me immensely? Lifting HEAVY weights. Give it a try. Lift HEAVY weights for at least 4-5 days a week, and make it the absolute NUMBER ONE PRIORITY in your life for that month. Closely monitor how you feel, and how your mind thinks during that month. Try this ASAP Zak. It will IMPROVE YOUR LIFE. P.S. Sorry if I come off as a spazz. I just reall…

Are you following any specific program?

If you want an excellent program for beginning weight training, look into Starting Strength developed my Mark Rippetoe.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#72

Post by gotrythis »

I've been in the same situation for years. Skimmed the article, but I get it.

Here's what I do:

1) I have a social life even if I "should" be working. I have people over for dinner several times a week and have regular friend dates, often with other entrepreneurial folk who don't have day jobs.

2) I rock climb several times a week and do yoga and a short workout daily so I keep fit. I also eat well, drink lots of water and avoid sugar. (Drinking water and avoiding sugar is THE KEY to avoiding depression. So easy to spot the cause and effect when I fall off the wagon.)

3) I consult part time, now primarily with another startup, working out of their office. Gives me the cash to pay someone to help me with my startup so I'm not working alone, reminds me of how useful I am instead of feeling like a failure for making the mistakes I made with my own startup, and keeps me socialized and energized.

4) I take mini-vacations. Mostly local music festivals and short camping trips to get me out and connected to nature. Hell, that reminds me, I'm going to go buy some winter gear and go!

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#73

Post by AznHisoka »

Shenglong wrote: post #26

Speaking as a straight male: Surround yourself with beautiful women; it's hard to get sad around beautiful women. I'm no stranger to the darkness, and I know that in some environments, I feel everyday, just as you do. Force a change, go somewhere else. I found SV to be beautiful, but how long can you really stay in a male-dominated atmosphere, and still stay sane/happy? I know this sounds really shallow, but pause fo…

there's some truth to this but I'd word it as: get some affection, and touch. Many times when ppl are depressed, we just are missing love.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#74

Post by AznHisoka »

depressedalot wrote: post #14

I'm in the same boat, and honestly it is comforting to see things like this. I feel like seeing that others are in the same place and struggle with the same things makes me feel like I can get over it too. I do almost the exact same things as well - massive weight gain, HUGE sleep problems (to the point where I end up going to sleep as the sunrise, sleeping all day), lack of exercise, avoiding friends/gatherings, etc…

why even use a throwaway? I don't understand why people do this. It seems very ego-centric to think people really really care/judge you if you post something like this. People are mostly preoccupied with themselves - they'll think about your troubles for a day, but not a minute more.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#75

Post by Estragon »

j45 wrote: post #15

Hi, Thanks for writing this, it's a brave and open and honest thing to do where people are afraid of doing those things. At a certain point, we have to get over what others think and get to figuring out what we think, and how it should be. I believe a person does whatever they do to find a certain amount of peace in themselves and their lives. I'd like to share some scraps I've scraped together on finding, and keepin…

This is very wise advice. Have you ever heard of Ken McLeod, the Buddhist teacher? Your essay reminds me of him.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#76

Post by crewtide »

Glad to see people suggesting exercise (spacefood, chaostheory, juliano_q, others), as well as other tools to change the underlying depression. I think the important takeaway is that this is not "startup depression" -- it's depression. You'll be happier/more successful if you find a way to get rid of it.

Sure, running a startup is going to have ups and downs. Sure, you'll sometimes fail at what you're trying to do, and you'll sometimes feel that failure deeply. Failing comes from trying to do something really difficult; taking that failure personally comes from being human.

But as a general rule, the founders I know from the (pretty hoppin') Boston scene are born optimists. More than any other group of people I know, they believe despite the odds, they bounce back quickly, and they have pretty tough skins.

Depression is hard to sort out, but totally worth it. It's worth it for anybody, but necessary for founders because of the up & down nature of running a startup. I spent much of my adult life beating my head against a wall, occasionally being depressed, and not understanding why I couldn't make sh*t happen. Then a few years ago I figured myself out (combination of exercise, gratitude, & therapy), and since then everything has been different. Externally, my life took a major turn for the better in every arena from relationships to finances. Internally, I just don't have the resistance I used to really suffer from, and my downs are pretty short. It rocks.

So I guess I feel your pain, but don't glorify it. Do the work to get over it. You'll be much happier.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#77

Post by joering2 »

pavlov wrote: post #28
Shenglong wrote: post #26

Speaking as a straight male: Surround yourself with beautiful women; it's hard to get sad around beautiful women. I'm no stranger to the darkness, and I know that in some environments, I feel everyday, just as you do. Force a change, go somewhere else. I found SV to be beautiful, but how long can you really stay in a male-dominated atmosphere, and still stay sane/happy? I know this sounds really shallow, but pause fo…

Surround yourself with beautiful women; it's hard to get sad around beautiful women. If you actually do this, you may find that you'll be sad in a way that you never expected before. Fantasies unexpectedly realized are emptied of their purpose and become just another form of unsatisfactory reality.

That depends on personality. Many artists found looking or spending time with beautiful woman their way to achieve something otherwise they couldn't. They were their "inspiring thing". While to others, its a distraction from higher goals. So, his advice may work 50/50.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#78

Post by mechanical_fish »

Estragon wrote: post #75
j45 wrote: post #15

Hi, Thanks for writing this, it's a brave and open and honest thing to do where people are afraid of doing those things. At a certain point, we have to get over what others think and get to figuring out what we think, and how it should be. I believe a person does whatever they do to find a certain amount of peace in themselves and their lives. I'd like to share some scraps I've scraped together on finding, and keepin…

This is very wise advice. Have you ever heard of Ken McLeod, the Buddhist teacher? Your essay reminds me of him.

Every time I visit HN I become a little bit more interested in Buddhism.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#79

Post by pullo »

j45 wrote: post #15

Hi, Thanks for writing this, it's a brave and open and honest thing to do where people are afraid of doing those things. At a certain point, we have to get over what others think and get to figuring out what we think, and how it should be. I believe a person does whatever they do to find a certain amount of peace in themselves and their lives. I'd like to share some scraps I've scraped together on finding, and keepin…

"A threatened person lives in a threatening world. A scared person lives in a scary world. An untrustworthy person lives in an untrusting world. A trusting person lives in a trusting world."

plenty of gems in there, but this one takes the cake. I've been trying to verbalize this exact thought for a while. tnx.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#80

Post by kaeluka »

ChrisNorstrom wrote: post #61
cwilson wrote: post #41

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but this is one of the most frustrating things I've ever read, as well as many of the comments echoing the author. I do commend you for posting this publicly, that takes guts, but you have to do something about it. If I were your CEO, I'd insist you take a very long break, right now. You realize you're going to die, in the best case, 70 to 80 years from now, yeah? Likely much s…

Thank you. I wish parents taught their kids to 'know when to quit' more often. I've read stories from founders who missed the birth of their children, left their dying parents, sacrificed everything important for some dumb startup that sells shoelaces or soap or diapers. It's one thing to be persistent and another to be delusional. And the best way to find out which one you are, is when you take a step back, clear yo…

Should I ever have kids -- and I'd like to! -- this would be the only thing in raising them that I wouldn't teach them like my parents taught me: failing is OK. There is always a way to continue and failing just means discovering a "way that didn't work".

My happiness and that of the people around me are the real concerns, everything else I do is just serving those goals.

Life is just another optimization problem.

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