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Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

zakhomuth.com

41–50 of 105 posts

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#41
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but this is one of the most frustrating things I've ever read, as well as many of the comments echoing the author. I do commend you for posting this publicly, that takes guts, but you have to do something about it. If I were your CEO, I'd insist you take a very long break, right now.

You realize you're going to die, in the best case, 70 to 80 years from now, yeah? Likely much sooner with the mental state you just described. This is all very blunt, and probably harsh, but my point is life is short and you only get one shot. I can't believe you'd subject yourself to this, all for a startup, or for the startup lifestyle. I do not mean to belittle what you are passionate about, or the time and effort you've clearly put into your company, but there is more to life than this.

Take a break. Take a very long break (I'm talking a year at least). Go travel, go home, go somewhere, but stop slaving away and sitting in your room for days at a time. Go be around other people, be it family or friends. Find love, and love yourself. You can always pursue your entrepreneurial dreams after you're happy (and your company will benefit from your happiness).

The startup lifestyle is an incredible journey, I'm on a third myself, but if I felt even remotely close to what you just described, I'd quit in an instant. It's not worth that to me, not even close. I'd prefer to be happy, love, be loved, and work in a coffee shop for the rest of my days before I'd trade it for being depressed in the way you describe.

You owe it to yourself to be happy, so quit wasting time.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#42

Stop drinking and any recreational drugs immediately. You need to be having fun doing your startup or you won't be able to succeed and should do something else. So if you're spending most of your time writing code, try to make it fun again. If you can't then I recommend the following: Go and get a physical job for a few months, preferably somewhere rural. It will remind you what real hard work is like, get you physic…

I like this advice (physical work) and its been in the back of my mind for a while as a way to take a break from the continuous onslaught of pressure to 'keep up' with developments in my craft and to give me time to consolidate what I have learnt in the last 15 year sprint.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#43
I've often read that is a correlation between bipolar and starting up a company: "the highs are higher, the lows are lower." (Which tends to cause which is academic.)

Here's what I've discovered: the highs are far more dangerous than the lows. The highs are good, whether they're based on real-world success, or your invisible fuel, the die-hard belief in what you're pursuing. You need those highs: milk them for all their worth.

But what goes up, must come down. Whether based on a real setback, or a stray negative thought, it doesn't take much to send you back down to earth, or straight through to hell. When the confidence evaporates, suddenly those unpleasant realities you were dismissing all hit you at once, and it's too much to deal with.

Everything you mentioned is great for riding out depression: sleep, a good meal, exercise, relaxation. You've got the treatment covered quite well. But after you bounce back, pay attention to that "winning" feeling, and work on moderating it to just the level you want, so that it can burn for longer, and you have less far to fall. Keep spending time on basic human needs, even when you're on top and you feel capable of 18-hour days.

Ideally, you want a steady engine, not bursts of up and down. But those will still happen sometimes; roll with it, forgive yourself, ride it out, and keep moving. Good luck!

(This is just a bit of awareness I picked up about myself; your mileage may vary.)

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#44

I can only sympathize, I'm on the end of a 3-year product development cycle myself and it hasn't always been easy. Some tips from my own experience: 1. Focus more on all the positive things that will happen when you succeed than thinking of all the bad things that will happen if you dont. It's easy to imagine all kinds of worst case scenarios, especially when your plagued by a a little doubt. Try to have faith and po…

It's taken me a long time to learn this - but the times where you don't feel like exercising are precisely the times I need to exercise.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#45
post #43

I've often read that is a correlation between bipolar and starting up a company: "the highs are higher, the lows are lower." (Which tends to cause which is academic.) Here's what I've discovered: the highs are far more dangerous than the lows . The highs are good, whether they're based on real-world success, or your invisible fuel, the die-hard belief in what you're pursuing. You need those highs: milk them for all t…

[deleted]

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#46
Can we give him some feedback and advice on Upverter so he can take it to the next level?

I think it's an interesting site. But I'm not sure a subscription model is the way to go. I do know R&D teams are gonna have a hard time getting permission to use it. They have all the tools they need, their projects are secret, it's not going to fly with upper management.

I do like the fact that you can search for components and buy them. I'm sure there's some affiliate revenue in there. Although I have to say, it's probably not that easy, because companies usually have long-term agreements in place with suppliers, there's a lot of bureaucracy, you have to get a purchase order before you're allowed to buy something. I'm not saying that's good or bad, but that's usually the way it is. And it's a problem for Upverter.

Getting PCBs manufactured is a good idea as well, especially for people who use Kickstarter and want to build a prototype. The companies I know might be hesitant to use it. Especially for R&D projects, they will use their own equipment or outsource it to a local supplier they know they can trust. And this guy is going to say it's gonna cost you x, but I can do it cheaper if you let me manufacture the first 10,000 units. And it gets really tricky when you're working on a cutting edge product, because you can't always buy every component off the shelf. The manufacturer is gonna say ok, I'm gonna help you but I can't buy component x cheap enough, or I'm gonna help you but you have to ship me component a,b,c before day x.

The design of your site looks really good but you need photographs of products that have been build. You may not care about that but if you're going after the Kickstarter market, then you're in the business of making dreams come through. You need to appeal to the senses.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#48
post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I concur that diet and general physical well-being, as well as social interactions, do indeed matter very much, and apparently heavily influence in often not obvious ways our mood and outlook.

Whilst I'm sure all these suggestions may help to some extent, none of them address the underlying issues. This isn't something that can be cured by vitamin pills or bike rides. The only solution is a complete lifestyle change which the author admits he can't make at the minute. My worry is that well meant suggestions like the above may sound flippant to someone in the depths of depression (I'd frankly be upset if I…

I agree that such tone and lack of justification might sound a bit off-putting—I left grandparent trying to soften that impression. (Add: Although I like chegra's post for its practicality. If you follow that advice, there's a very high change you will feel better no matter what.)

However, your statement about ‘underlying issues’ is confusing. You don't name these, yet claim that they can't be cured by certain methods. I wonder what, in your opinion, these issues are.

I think they often are just these—bad diet and physical shape, lack of social interaction. And bike rides can help that (especially considering mostly sedentary lifestyle).

Although there's another important thing that may be an issue, which you actually reminded me about. It's hard to communicate what it is—maybe it could be called ‘mental shape’.

My latest depression basically ended when I learned to allow my mind to rest, and gained some control over my thoughts. I often see studies now suggesting that our well-being inversely depends on how much we think. I have an impression at the moment that certain brain activity (which is related to abstract thinking and appears to happen somewhere in frontal lobe) does indeed contribute to feeling unhappy, that being in ‘flow’ reduces that activity, and that trying to do multiple things at once / frequent context switching increases that activity.

Anyway, since that depression I still experience difficult periods sometimes, but I think they are mostly health-induced. We shouldn't underestimate how physical problems can influence our thinking. E.g., you can eat food that you're unknowingly allergic to, it will make you feel constantly tired, therefore forcing you to spend most of your time at home, the consequences of which (lack of sunlight / movement, for two) can cause yet another host of problems, and so on.

To sum up, my supported by anecdotal evidence, layman speculations, and personal experience opinion is that depression is often caused by being, probably unknowingly, out-of-shape mentally (i.e., overthinking) and/or physically (bad diet, other health problems).

I hope OP will feel better soon. Being out to a coffee-shop is already good, keep it up!

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#49
There seems to be a lot of people here going through some of the same feelings, I know I have. Sometimes you just lose yourself when you're working on something you want to win. I know I've needed to take a step back and get myself back together at times. A lot of people have suggested eating right, exercising, and taking a break, which I find helps quite a bit to restart the mind and body. We're sort of like engines and if we don't get a proper oil change once in a while, we'll have trouble starting up. So keep an eye on your mileage and if a refill doesn't work, you might need to see a mechanic.

Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression

#50
Zak. Please listen to me. I suffer depression, but you know what has helped me immensely? Lifting HEAVY weights.

Give it a try. Lift HEAVY weights for at least 4-5 days a week, and make it the absolute NUMBER ONE PRIORITY in your life for that month.

Closely monitor how you feel, and how your mind thinks during that month.

Try this ASAP Zak. It will IMPROVE YOUR LIFE.

P.S. Sorry if I come off as a spazz. I just really believe in what I'm saying.

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