Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
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Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#2I read carefully the first half of the article then scanned the rest, so I may have missed it; it didn't seem to also mention "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?", which is a poetic way of saying I love you as well:
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#3As an American who spends a lot of time traveling to Japan and who had experience living there (and who has dreams of moving back there once I pay off my student loans), I’ve done this type of confession twice; it’s quite different from the ambiguity that often occurs with forming relationships in America where people don’t know exactly where they stand. While it doesn’t remove all ambiguity (does she like me? Why is she holding my arm?), I like the being able to clearly articulate my feelings, and I also like the clear understanding from both parties not to behave like a couple until we mutually agree to become a couple. I generally find this aspect of Japanese dating culture remarkably refreshing compared to America.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#4> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping
Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first place. Particularly - it is never correct to send a Delayed Message on Slack "because it's the evening/weekend and I don't want to bother them". The four possible outcomes are:
* You send delayed; they could have benefitted from the information earlier (e.g. there's an outage overnight and your delayed message contained helpful information) -> your delay had a negative effect
* You send delayed; they read the message when they come online again during business hours -> your delayed message had no impact (assuming you correctly guessed their business hours)
The only situation where "sending delayed" has a positive impact is where there is a culture whereby a message _must_ be replied to at the time it's sent. In such a situation, you need to fix that broken culture rather than working around it with delay-hacks.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#5> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first…
No, I think it's inconsiderate to text people when they are likely sleeping. If you have kids/family you typically don't silence your phone at night in case there's an emergency. So if I get a text at 03:00 I'm likely to wake up and look at it.
You're the one sending the message, so you're the one who should wait to do it when it it will be convenient for the recipient. If you're texting me in the middle of sleeping hours, you're telling me that your convenience is more important to you than mine.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#6> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first…
>Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous.
That's irrelevant. They still get a notification to disturb them, they still can see it when looking at their phone, they can still be concerned about the content and how to respond later even if they don't answer, they can still be concerned about the content even if they don't read it, they could very well be waiting an important message at the time, they might have an experience with other people/ex-partners/etc pressuring them to answer immediately, and so on.
Technical terms like "asynchronous" don't mean anything to how people use a technology. Common social expectations do.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#7> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first…
I hold the opposite opinion to most of this.
Text messaging, yes is asynchronous - but you don't know what the settings of the persons device are. They could have forgotten or not have quite hours set and now it is very much a synchronous notification even if it's not synchronous communication.
Sending delayed - again things happen. I would rather send a delayed message when I am in full control of the situation rather than possibly not the next morning due to any chain of events from weather, traffic, family, etc.
I feel like this comes from my philosophy of even if individuals are correct, it doesn't mean they are kind. We live in a community with individuals and we should compromise and balance things where needed.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#8> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first…
No, I think it's inconsiderate to text people when they are likely sleeping. If you have kids/family you typically don't silence your phone at night in case there's an emergency. So if I get a text at 03:00 I'm likely to wake up and look at it. You're the one sending the message, so you're the one who should wait to do it when it it will be convenient for the recipient. If you're texting me in the middle of sleeping…
'Do not disturb' settings have been granular enough for awhile now, such that this is no longer a problem unless you want it to be.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#9> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first…
I'd say it's up to the individual whether they find something rude or not. It's not an objective truth, and it certainly varies between cultures. On top of that, different forms of communication have different conventions and practices. Slack is different from normal texts, which are different from emails, and so on, and they permeate your life to various degrees.
Re: Kokuhaku: Japan’s Love Confessing Culture (2013)
#10> it was kind of rude to send a text to people while they are probably sleeping Not the point of the article, but this is a personal bugbear of mine - no it wasn't. Text-based communication is asynchronous. It's rude to _expect_ that someone is present and available if you message them out of the blue (or, rather - rude to get upset if they don't immediately reply), but it's not rude to send the message in the first…
I hold the opposite opinion to most of this. Text messaging, yes is asynchronous - but you don't know what the settings of the persons device are. They could have forgotten or not have quite hours set and now it is very much a synchronous notification even if it's not synchronous communication. Sending delayed - again things happen. I would rather send a delayed message when I am in full control of the situation rath…
Kindness starts by not immediately assuming the motivations of others to be malicious, and to understand why someone else would perform their actions. Here, it's very clear from how all paths are laid out that sending messages to you early even if you won't act on them is only ever a net-benefit if you remove your ego from the equation. Soothing fragile minds and compromise aren't the same thing.