Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
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Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#2dude I deal with this shit literally every day. I've spent a ton of time studying what can be done, and lately I've decided to use my skills as a web developer/startup guy to build a tool that can (hopefully) really help people like you and I.
Please email me (if OP is reading this, or anyone else who wants to discuss this) at admin@serpiq.com and I'll share what I'm planning. If you're a rails guy, we can even collaborate on the project (even if you're not, we can figure something out).
EDIT: To add some more to this, don't give up on drugs just yet. I've been taking Prozac for the last few months and it's made a HUGE difference for me. Not saying it's the right drug for you necessarily, but definitely experiment with different options (legally experiment). For instance, I was on Lexapro a few years ago and it royally screwed up my stomach and didn't fix anything.
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#3What I have found is that you need to separate your personal worth from your startup/professional worth. Do not derive your personal identity from your startup. Although it is easier said than done, but you don't have a choice.
Are you doing anything outside of your startup? Like learning a new language, getting into Art/Movie clubs or travelling?
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#4I really respect you for taking the leap and talking about it. This is not an easy decision to make, particularly for folks like me who trend towards stoicism, even at the best of times.
It can be excrutiatingly painful to talk about that which everyone knows, but keeps quiet. In doing so, you not only help yourself resolve your issues, but also allow those who come after you to get a more honest lay of the land, and more ably deal with the challenges that await them.
For that, I salute you.
Thanks.
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#5I see startup depression as a sort of cost of the lifestyle. If your existence depends on the success of your own project, this can be an enormous weight to bear. If you have a bad day, it can easily turn into a bad week if you're not careful.
For me, when things aren't going my way, I just say, "Fuck it" and move on to the next problem. You're are going to lose sometimes, but who cares? You're going to win.
If sheer willpower doesn't work, I usually exercise and clean my apartment. The point is to secure little victories here and there to get you motivated. I can definitely say that doing the dishes and pumping out some push-ups have been the catalysts for some great ideas in the past.
At the end of the day everyone is experiencing some sort of depression every once and while. At least you're doing something awesome. Most people aren't. Remember that.
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#6If you're an introvert and charge your batteries by being alone, then find a way to do that without worrying about your day-to-day stresses. For me if I'm getting too zonked out, I end up in StarCraft II pissing myself off by playing with newbs - but it's different enough that it gets my mind off of work.
If you're an extrovert and charge your battery by interacting with others, make sure you do enough of that by going out to events, networking, listening to other founders' stories. Personally I'm a little of both and I find that when I'm out meeting with other startups and listening to their issues, throwing out ideas to help them makes me happier and charges my battery. In a way, it's my version of charity work but getting inspired by solving different problems for others work for me.
As a founder of a few startups myself, I do go through similar cycles where I'd work myself to death for about 3 months and then have 3 months of absolute laziness/depression where I want to do nothing but space out. I'm okay with it cause I know if something motivates me, I usually snap out of my funk. You mentioned you've been in this cycle for awhile, maybe try thinking of something completely different, something inspiring, or maybe go see someone about it.
Good luck!
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#7Some thoughts:
Mood stabilizers are not an appropriate first(SSRI), second(tricyclic), or even third line(MAOI) treatment for depression.
Your idea that you need to be sad to be happy is common among people who suffer from depression. But being depressed isn't 'part of the roller coaster'. You most certainly can have the highs without the lows...except if you're on mood stabilizers which work wonders at taking away both.
What's most concerning to me is that you credit your depression with so much of your accomplishments and motivation. There is absolutely no honor in suffering. That's just you buying in to a narrative. I feel happy when I've accomplished something. Other days I feel moderately happy and driven to accomplish something. No depression necessary.
And yes, I suffered from severe depression for years but would prefer not to discuss it publicly ;).
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#8I have always found that the fastest way to get out of a funk is to talk. Guess you have already started by sharing on HN. If possible, do the same thing in real life. Just get a friend and tell him/her all these things and maybe you will get a hug. A hug always helps :)
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#9You may be sad and tired, but you're not alone.
http://rondam.blogspot.com/2011/11/it-gets-better-geek-versi...
Re: Sad, Tired, and Alone: My Ongoing Battle With Startup Depression
#10What I have found is that you need to separate your personal worth from your startup/professional worth. Do not derive your personal identity from your startup. Although it is easier said than done, but you don't have a choice. Are you doing anything outside of your startup? Like learning a new language, getting into Art/Movie clubs or travelling?
Seconded - while a founder pretty much lives and breathes startup, having a retreat once so often helps great not only in de-stressing, it grounds you and realigns yourself to the world.
Some times when ya got a memory leak you just gotta reboot the comp and start fresh and clean. Good luck from Palo Alto, CA.