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Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

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Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#21

Post by leashless »

Tough road, kid, tough road. I had pretty serious brain damage when I was a child -- dyspraxia, dysgraphia, a bunch of other poorly-understood stuff -- and even today I'm still patchy. I've learned to have NT people handle the stuff I don't, like calendaring (I can't do time zones at all) and to be sensitive about tabulated data. I'm 51 now, and I've had a fairly successful career spanning a number of fields.

Two lessons from my experience.

1) the brain is incredibly plastic and over time figures out how to get things done

2) intense practice of very simple activities leads to very surprising and dramatic rewards -- video games with a strong hand-eye coordination component vastly improved my dyspraxia (at my age, we're talking Pac Man in arcades!) and then I moved on to tai chi. Deliberate practice of very simple things seems to be powerfully transformative for people struggling with neurological issues in general.

I don't know how much it helps, but strong odds there is a future. The year between A Levels and university to give yourself time to heal before you go straight into the next thing is a great idea. I also imagine there's a ton of emotional fall out from your attack and that also takes time to heal.

Shit hand of cards. You sound like you're doing a good job of coping. Keep on going it will improve over time.

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#22

Post by badcppdev »

Can you get your brain damage recognised as an official disability. That might assist you getting admitted into University or government jobs. I doubt you want to play the disability card but future you might forgive present you. And the best case scenario is that your brain gets better and you do great in your job.

Changing the subject you say, "When I've been able to rest for a extended period I feel almost like I used to, but everything degrades whenever I try to actually do something". People recovering from CFS or long Covid are (I think) given explicit advice to not push yourself because you will stay broken. I'm really sorry because that advice is not compatible with A levels study and the expectations that you have of what you _should_ be able to achieve.

Good luck

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#23

Post by invisiblea »

Freelance means more control over when you work and what you work on, but it also means more effort to find work, keep your finances in order, and ensure that you are meeting the demands of your clients (who maybe sympathetic to your situation to start with, but that might change if you fail to meet deadlines).

Existing in a team environment, with hopefully support and compassion, may be better for you while your recover, and you'll gain professional insights you don't get when working by yourself.

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#24

Post by unkulunkulu »

That must have been a very difficult experience to survive! Do you find yourself coming back to it? I know from experience that trauma can get in the way of functioning and look like reduced intelligence and focusing. Being joyous is part of being healthy and motivated, it keeps our juices running. Do you have enough help to process emotions related with that? You seem very energetic and trying hard to keep to some standards or promises. No matter what happened to your brain, you as a body and soul deserve very much care, compassion and attention, give yourself as much love and trust as you can and ask people close to you for more. I wish you get everywhere in life you wanted, maybe for some time you will just move slower than you hoped :( Give yourself full permission to go as slow or as fast as you can!

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#25

Post by pearjuice »

RecycledEle wrote: post #7

Brains heal, but very slowly. (My wife has brain damage.) I recommend more rest for a few years. Also, learn to fight back hard.

>fight back hard

Bad advice, especially in UK and in OP's age bracket. The UK has a sharp rise in knife incidents, moreso at younger ages.

https://news.sky.com/story/fatal-stabbings-in-england-and-wa...

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#26

Post by slifin »

Sounds like you are very ambitious

But something quite traumatic has happened to you

Those symptoms you are experiencing could be your body trying to protect yourself

It sounds like you're trying to ignore those signals with caffeine tablets and other bypasses

If I was in your position I would start trying to figure out when you experience disregularation so you can notice it

I'd also be thinking about grieving for yourself and trying to process those signals your body is telling you

This is not an easy thing to do

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#27

Post by jansan »

If I were you I would try to get a job where people are aware of your situation and give your breaks whenever you need them. Freelancing adds extra stress, because you are outside the "easy" system for taxes, welfare and healthcare. As an employee all this is handled by your employer, which can be a great relief in times of stress. Maybe try to find a job at a government related employer. At least in my country they are generally less performance oriented.

Also, like others said, don't write yourself off. Your injury may need time to heal and you may be back sooner than you think. Try everything not to burn out until then.

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#28

Post by juujian »

I may not a great advice giver in this context, because my only qualification is that I write a fair bit of code and I'm in a university. But two things stand out to me.

1. Your value in life does not depend on any academic or other accomplishments. There are many people I respect that are not what you would call accomplished. Your brain damage may have changed you, but if I knew you in real life, I would not respect you less -- I would likely respect you more, because you sound like a fighter. That being said, choose your battles and try to find the path of least resistance.

2. Regarding universities, a lot of professors are happy to make accommodations. Communication is everything. You have shown spirit, and people rightfully respect that, because it's not all about how much code or papers or whatever other metric you can bash out. It's all about real life issues you are motivated to work on, and you will notice that when you get to a stage where writing letters is more important than grades. I don't know if that is already the case to some degree for Oxbridge for undergrads. The only advise I can give you regarding that is reach out, and reach out early. Your case is fairly unique, and if you can find an office or some other advocate for you inside universities, it could benefit you a lot for to reach your goals.

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#29

Post by bckr »

First of all, wow, you’re an amazing human being. You’re going to go far in this life because of your courage and determination.

Secondly, I encourage you to be intentional with your words. You have post-concussion syndrome, a temporary condition caused by an injury. I’d get away from calling yourself “brain damaged”. This choice of wording is subtle but can make the difference between developing a mindset that will allow you to overcome this, and a mindset that will hold you back long after your injury otherwise would.

Don’t worry about the prestigious school. You have something far more valuable which is character and an interesting life story.

Now the last thing may be the most challenging. And that is to take this time to learn to love yourself, deep and hard. I mean for f**’s sake you had a traumatic brain injury and all you’re thinking about is how to keep working at full capacity! Imagine that you were someone that you loved and were responsible for; say you were your own child. What would your priorities be?

Ultimately you may need to take a lot of time to recover from this. Love yourself enough to do so without guilt or shame. The education system will still be there when you’re healed. The tech industry definitely will stick around, blissfully unaware of you. And that’s OK because you’re a HUMAN BEING who is A LOT more valuable than anything you can put on your LinkedIn.

Understand what you are capable of and continue to show yourself respect and dignity. If you end up making sandwiches to pay the bills for a while, don’t let that become your identity. Tell yourself “I am a computer science student who is temporarily making sandwiches to pay my bills, while I recover from the injury I got helping my friend”. Manage this story relentlessly in your head and don’t doubt yourself for a moment.

Good luck with finishing high school (or whatever it’s called over there). Pulling off a graduation under your circumstances will be incredible. But also, you may heal substantially between now and then.

Re: Ask HN: How to navigate the world as a brain-damaged 17 year old?

#30

Post by kodah »

blast wrote: post #10

You might look into neurofeedback. It has helped some people regain brain function. When it works, it can work well, and it's non-invasive so you don't have to worry about side effects. The book Symphony in the Brain is probably the best intro. There's also a chapter in the book The Body Keeps the Score.

+1 to neurofeedback, it helped me a lot
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