Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

wbur.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

821–830 of 1001 posts

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#821

Post by ycombobreaker »

Neil44 wrote: post #744
cies wrote: post #614

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> My daughter's teacher [...] it's not just me Maybe it was just her though. I'd talk to the school director over this.

You're not wrong but at the same time she otherwise seems to do a good job with my daughter which I'm keen not to in any way get in the way of by making this about me.

It's not about you, though; it's about all of the fathers that will follow you. Does your partner see this dynamic as well? Will she support you by redirecting conversations to force your inclusion? That's where I would start, if you don't want to throw her under the bus with her admin.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#822

Post by tsss »

nicbou wrote: post #513
Khaine wrote: post #470

What's interesting is that I recently watched The Red Pill Documentary. I recall when it was released that the director, Cassie Jaye a self professed feminist was pilloried absolutely everywhere for giving a voice to Mens Rights Activists. The actual documentary is quite milquetoast. What it is, is her engaging with the ideas around how in some ways men are disadvantaged in modern society. It's fascinating to me that…

That was not my experience. The message was bitterness, and there is a reason their lot is poorly perceived. Try /r/menslib for a healthier discussion that isn’t centred around blaming women for everything.

/r/menslib is a honey pot by radical feminist super mods who delete absolutely everything that is even remotely not "xyz, but women still have it worse". It's probably one of the most censored subreddits, which is quite an achievement. Instead, take a look at /r/leftwingmaleadvocates for some actual discussion.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#823

Post by [deleted] »

rich_sasha wrote: post #769

This comment will probably be lost but hey maybe someone will read it: We inherited a world where for many generations, men were hostile to women. It was unfair and needed rectifying. But increasingly, we fixed it by normalizing hostility to men. Overemphasis on "toxic masculinity", hyper focus on promoting outcomes for girls while doing nothing of the sort for boys. Plenty of various "Women in X" supporting each oth…

[deleted]

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#824

Post by KptMarchewa »

michaelt wrote: post #148
KptMarchewa wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you think millions of gym rats are thinking something different? I think it's weird that you present this as feminine problem when it's men who on average participate in more sports.

Honestly, yes. I exercise to have fun, be healthy, and maybe look a bit better. But I know for sure I can succeed in business, in programming, in academia, in comedy, even in pornography with only a few minutes of grooming every day. Oh I know there are some men who struggle with body image issues. And the tiny proportion of men working as hollywood actors probably care about their looks a great deal. But do you shav…

Literally every men post trying to get help on the internet is met with "hit the gym, eat better" no matter whatever the person does. The default assumption _is_ that there's something wrong with man bodies.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#825

Post by A4ET8a8uTh0 »

My wife works in mental health field and, as she put it just yesterday, she had no idea none of it is rare. The stories she observes daily are truly sad it it clearly starting to take a toll on her to the point where is talking about changing her job. It is a hard subject, because you immediately wonder how you would deal with it.

I have no real answer, but coming from old country in Europe, I do think that culture in US holds a lot of the blame.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#826

Post by lapcat »

rich_sasha wrote: post #769

This comment will probably be lost but hey maybe someone will read it: We inherited a world where for many generations, men were hostile to women. It was unfair and needed rectifying. But increasingly, we fixed it by normalizing hostility to men. Overemphasis on "toxic masculinity", hyper focus on promoting outcomes for girls while doing nothing of the sort for boys. Plenty of various "Women in X" supporting each oth…

> But increasingly, we fixed it by normalizing hostility to men. Overemphasis on "toxic masculinity"

"Toxic masculinity" is self-criticism. We men are harming ourselves, and the article discusses this. For example, "Fathers are also more likely to sing to and soothe their toddler daughters at night when they cry." Both girls and boys have emotional needs, but we're ignoring the emotional needs of boys. We expect boys to be "manly" and "strong", to bottle up any problems and never show weakness. That's toxic masculinity. Toxic to ourselves.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#827

Post by jraedisch »

Parents should not have to earn money at all. They should all stay at home and take care of their children. At (pre-)school there should be no more than ten students in a class, taught by the best teachers earning the best salaries, 50/50 male/female across all subjects.

What I want to say is: for me, this is mostly an economic debate, and boys vs. girls always seems like a red herring to me.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#828

Post by qsdf38100 »

Decabytes wrote: post #777

I believe this is one of the reasons for the rise of people like Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Andrew Tate, Lex Fridman, et al. They act as strong male role models for the myriad of young men who don't have one. They are intelligent, wildly successful, and usually due some sort of martial arts or workout. Men (not just young ones) see this and want to be like them, so they latch on to their messages. This is nothing ne…

Andrew Tate is intelligent ?

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#829

Post by phil21 »

raxxorraxor wrote: post #643
underlipton wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Without evidence, I'll suggest that this is an oversimplification. In a model where boys require masculine modeling from older, adult figures, "absent fathers" are most an issue when a boy's regularly-accessible social unit has been whittled down to the nuclear family. That seems to be a crisis in-and-of-itself. When I look at socially-successful men, they often have had multiple older men in their lives to model the…

Teachers, mentors and friends are of course very important, but I would believe this not to be the case. There is no society or commune to take care of the immediate needs. There can be large families that offer a very good and secure support network and there are families that form clans. In that it seems to be a very neutral influence. > I admit that there's likely some who won't like hearing this You have to adver…

> Father that take pride in parenting will get much better results

You need both. Fathers that take pride in parenting their own kids, and the random neighbor kids, and their sister's kids, and their friend's kids when they happen to be around. And other parents that support said fathering.

A totally disinterested father cannot be replaced by a broad functional community. A functional community cannot be replaced by a highly invested father. They simply fulfil similar but differing needs.

You could say the village is made up of fathers (and mothers, etc.) who take pride in parenting.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#830

Post by zkelvin »

naasking wrote: post #770
noname2021 wrote: post #444

Here's a thought and I am writing this as I don my kevlar flame retardant jacket. For most things in life where we could impact the lives of other people materially - driving is a good example - we ensure some minimal amount of training before letting people perform that activity. However with parenting we have nothing and the result it seems is we pay with a ton more resources downstream in the way of therapy, deten…

> How about some minimal coaching so that all parents are aware of the state of the art in child psychology and techniques to do better as parents. 1. We don't know as much as people think we do about what constitutes "good parenting". At best, we know some behaviours which are typically harmful (molestation, violence), but everyone already knows that, and the people exhibiting those behaviours need therapy themselve…

Is childbirth an innate human right? Why don't you think you need your unborn child's consent before birthing them?
Post reply on HN