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Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

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Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#761

Post by lapcat »

weberer wrote: post #674
lapcat wrote: post #405

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> but it's verboten to even mention You just did. I find it curious, though, that a number of commenters seem to focus almost entirely on the "present" aspect and not on the crucial emotional investment aspect discussed in the article: "when fathers are present and emotionally invested in children’s lives", the title of which says "what boys really need is emotional support from their dads". Presence alone is not nec…

>>but it's verboten to even mention >You just did. And now his comment is grey.

> And now his comment is grey.

It's not, as far as I see now.

Anyway, downvoting on HN is not the same thing as "verboten". Downvoting is a feature of HN that is supposed to put higher quality comments higher up and lower quality comments lower down. (I'm not saying it works, but that's the theory.)

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#762

Post by futevolei »

93po wrote: post #282

It's become clear to me in my mid 30s that I was very emotionally neglected as a child. I had literally no idea because I had nothing to compare it to, and the behavior of my parents feels relatively normal for when I was growing up. It's my belief that this neglect has had a big role in the insecurity, lack of vulnerability, lack of self-esteem, and lack of honesty throughout my entire life. I don't blame my parents…

I’m 45 and only realized this a few years ago and I think about when my dad was 45 and it’s obvious he had no clue. He was all work, work, work, don’t complain, no crying, no weakness. I know he tried his best but man what a screw up…I’m thankful for my wife and friends who put up with my complete and total lack of maturity for so long. Like wow, what a heavy lift I threw at them and still do because I’m still not caught up and not sure I ever will be?

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#763

Post by bobsmooth »

bobsmooth wrote: post #594
nicbou wrote: post #513

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That was not my experience. The message was bitterness, and there is a reason their lot is poorly perceived. Try /r/menslib for a healthier discussion that isn’t centred around blaming women for everything.

Warning, if you are a man with low self-esteem do not visit that sub.

If you need an example:

"I'm nearing 30. I've internalized the "leave women alone at all times" and "men are trash" rhetoric so hard that I almost consider myself a burden to them simply by existing. I've gone out of my way to minimize interactions with women because I've catastrophized that my mere presence is bothersome."

https://old.reddit.com/r/MensLib/comments/13ov3wh/spare_a_ki...

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#764

Post by lozenge »

marcod wrote: post #464
mc3301 wrote: post #458

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Would you be surprised to learn that there is something similar in Japan? Though not necessarily required, there are "mama papa" classes done by the government with the basics covered. And there are checkups (1 month, 3 months, 6, 1 year, 2, 3) which have some involvement in checking the child's health, wellbeing, development, as well as that of the parent(s).

Plenty of parents in America have taken classes like that at local hospitals or through their school, but the reality is that a lot of people don't have the means and the desire to take some.

They shouldn't need means, it should be free and at convenient times.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#765

Post by dumdumchan »

nicbou wrote: post #518
dayvid wrote: post #394

I spent a summer teaching at a high school with separate gender classrooms. One thing that stuck out was that the women were motivated from hearing them out and how they felt first and men were motivated by giving them a challenge. To some extent, society is becoming more effeminate. This is a good thing in giving more opportunity for women, but there seems to be less space for men to grow or learn to be men. The mai…

What does it mean to learn to be men?

[flagged]

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#766

Post by globular-toast »

nicbou wrote: post #518
dayvid wrote: post #394

I spent a summer teaching at a high school with separate gender classrooms. One thing that stuck out was that the women were motivated from hearing them out and how they felt first and men were motivated by giving them a challenge. To some extent, society is becoming more effeminate. This is a good thing in giving more opportunity for women, but there seems to be less space for men to grow or learn to be men. The mai…

What does it mean to learn to be men?

It means learning what is expected of a man in society.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#767

Post by TheNewsIsHere »

rib3ye wrote: post #756
goodpoint wrote: post #671

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Literally EVERYONE who is not a professional told us to smack our kid Respectfully, if that's true I urge you to find a new social circle.

They may be referring to close family members. These are the people mostly likely to offer unsolicited parenting advice in my experience.

That and (though I’m not speaking on behalf of OP) social media destinations like Facebook, where most of us are likely to have had “friends” we haven’t seen since high school and will never see again in person.

The people in my family who smacked their kids aren’t professionals. Plenty of professionals hit their kids though.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#768

Post by thepasswordis »

Look at the way that people attack Jordan Peterson.

Jordan comes out and says, basically: hey men maybe yoj aren’t actually the worst thing in the world, eh? Maybe you have some things to contribute to society.

And look at how he is attacked for that. Think of all the people who are warming up to type out how wrong I am and post some out of context clips of him saying something provocative.

Here’s a guy who started seriously improving the lives of millions of men and look what was done to him for it.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#769

Post by rich_sasha »

This comment will probably be lost but hey maybe someone will read it:

We inherited a world where for many generations, men were hostile to women. It was unfair and needed rectifying.

But increasingly, we fixed it by normalizing hostility to men. Overemphasis on "toxic masculinity", hyper focus on promoting outcomes for girls while doing nothing of the sort for boys. Plenty of various "Women in X" supporting each other, but try to sed s/women/men/ and you're a toxic macho.

I think the outcome is unsurprising.

Just to be clear, a lot of the initiatives for promoting women's success are good and necessary. But to me the emphasis should have been on promoting equality, not bashing men for the benefit of women.

Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks

#770

Post by naasking »

noname2021 wrote: post #444

Here's a thought and I am writing this as I don my kevlar flame retardant jacket. For most things in life where we could impact the lives of other people materially - driving is a good example - we ensure some minimal amount of training before letting people perform that activity. However with parenting we have nothing and the result it seems is we pay with a ton more resources downstream in the way of therapy, deten…

> How about some minimal coaching so that all parents are aware of the state of the art in child psychology and techniques to do better as parents.

1. We don't know as much as people think we do about what constitutes "good parenting". At best, we know some behaviours which are typically harmful (molestation, violence), but everyone already knows that, and the people exhibiting those behaviours need therapy themselves, so a parenting course won't fix that.

2. You're basically turning what is normally considered an innate human right into a privilege for which you need to earn a license. This invites all kinds of abuse (only the right kinds of people get this license!).

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