121–130 of 1001 posts
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Do you think millions of gym rats are thinking something different? I think it's weird that you present this as feminine problem when it's men who on average participate in more sports.
Surprised to see this downvoted. Both men and women are told that their bodies are wrong. Maybe using different words, but still. That said, gym and sports (typically recommended to men) seem healthier to me than starving (typically recommended to women).
The reality of the world dictates that men require a smidgen of "toxic masculinity" to power through. Try telling a sewer cleaner to feel more, or share his feelings. He instead should embolden himself and power through it.
Even if the material world didn't require this, it's required by a substantial portion of women, romantically speaking. Many women express their concern that "he never shares his emotions", but when he finally does express his emotions and what truly bothers him she finds herself unusually dry and loses respect for him. Some men never have to learn this the hard way, and they're fortunate. It's common enough that it'…
It was a "deer in the headlights" experience. His family indifferent if not annoyed by his revelations. He had nervously prepared for the moment but the message was plain and clear: you can't fail.
I think it serves as an example of how cold and loveless men perceive this world to be. You need to deliver without fail for life. Fail and nobody cares or you're cast aside as trash.
So if the messaging is that nobody loves you for you and you're judged by utility only, we shouldn't be surprised by men's growing issues.
> New research shows that when fathers are present and emotionally invested in children’s lives, they are more likely to develop a stronger sense of self-worth and excel in everything from school to relationships. Regardless of the debate on how tough (or not) love should be, the absent fathers issue seems like something concrete and impactful that we should be trying to address.
We don't need a critical theory of boyhood, we just need to stop institutionally empowering people who hate their dads. I know many good men, and the defining characteristic of every single one of them is that regardless of who their father was, they accept him, and by extension they accept themselves. If you are still mad at him or have contempt for him, I recommend considering how it's manifesting in your beliefs a…
That would stand if you considered every guy talking shit about their father as "bad" men, regardless of how they behave otherwise.
I agree having a settle relationship with one's father is better, but people with legitimate grief against their father and having objective disgust about what they did as human beings shouldn't be a disqualifying situation.
I'm also a bit perplexed by the opposition between hating someone and accepting them. You can acknowledge what someone did for you, see where they come from and accept they are who they are, while hating their guts.
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Sharing your struggles doesn't make you weak. Asking for help doesn't make you weak. You are struggling, and you look for help because you are in a situation where the challenge is beyond your means. Sharing and asking for help can be part of adaption and part of overcoming. If one man has the resources within themselves to eventually learn to adapt and overcome to any situation, imagine how much stronger and how qui…
Asking == crying.
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> Girls on the other hand, all is well. This is also far from the case.
>> Girls on the other hand, all is well. > This is also far from the case. Yes, all is not well with girls, but I don't think they have to deal with an analog of the condemnation of "toxic masculinity" and messages that "their nature is flawed." I believe their problems are frequently blamed on external actors (e.g. beauty magazines, social media, etc).
My impression is, men are stuck in a world where they are told not to be men. Toxic masculinity is perhaps a thing, but boys are told endlessly how they shouldn't behave and how their nature is flawed. Girls on the other hand, all is well.
Something I think people miss sometimes is that there’s a big market for messages loudly affirming girls’ identities and choices because things are not, in fact, going that well.
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Yeah exactly. I let this kind of thing slide because obviously the problems facing minorities/women as groups are far worse than the problems facing men as a group, but just shifting the conversation from "I think group A of people is the problem" to "I think group B of people is the problem" is creating downstream problems. And there are very real issues facing men - suicide rates are dramatic enough to indicate tha…
There's a 5:1 male:female suicide rate in my home country. This has been going on for decades. "Temporarily" saying "men suck" doesn't help.
We don't need a critical theory of boyhood, we just need to stop institutionally empowering people who hate their dads. I know many good men, and the defining characteristic of every single one of them is that regardless of who their father was, they accept him, and by extension they accept themselves. If you are still mad at him or have contempt for him, I recommend considering how it's manifesting in your beliefs a…
Err… what? So people with abusive or absent dads should just forgive and love them?