Its interesting how in Ukraine and Russia and countries which really need soldiers and heavy security how males are treated. It seems in Western comfortable countries there isn't any advantage in being male, women can do everything just fine. Until someone invades, then everyone wants the thugs to come out and do their thing.
Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
31–40 of 1001 posts
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#32Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Girls on the other hand, all is well. This is also far from the case.
>> Girls on the other hand, all is well. > This is also far from the case. Yes, all is not well with girls, but I don't think they have to deal with an analog of the condemnation of "toxic masculinity" and messages that "their nature is flawed." I believe their problems are frequently blamed on external actors (e.g. beauty magazines, social media, etc).
Depending on the place and time, girls have to deal with being called too fat, too thin, not caring enough about their appearance, caring too much about their appearance, being too prude, being too slutty, and many other things. There is definitely a facet of "your nature is flawed" in a lot of them.
You might be right that the question of who exactly is sending and spreading these messages has many answers and external (f)actors definitely come into it. But that too could be said about the claims of toxic masculinity.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#33Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Girls on the other hand, all is well. This is also far from the case.
>> Girls on the other hand, all is well. > This is also far from the case. Yes, all is not well with girls, but I don't think they have to deal with an analog of the condemnation of "toxic masculinity" and messages that "their nature is flawed." I believe their problems are frequently blamed on external actors (e.g. beauty magazines, social media, etc).
I think it depends on your culture, but generally women's appearances matter way more than men's appearances and are considered a personal responsibility thing. Simply becoming older and being visibly older is considered a failure of a woman to "age gracefully" or whatever it is that means.
But also, I think most of the HN crowd are men, and I don't think we're broadly the populace to discuss with any serious authority whether or not women are raised to blame themselves in some way lol.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#34My impression is, men are stuck in a world where they are told not to be men. Toxic masculinity is perhaps a thing, but boys are told endlessly how they shouldn't behave and how their nature is flawed. Girls on the other hand, all is well.
With shrinking recess time and PE disappearing from some schools, boys with normal needs for physical activities are increasingly labelled as "sick" and medicalized for completely normal behavior by the taxpayer funded school system. Energy has to go somewhere so it ends up manifesting itself in behaviors that are deemed "disruptive" (really, not sitting still and being unable to concentrate on tasks). That's the beg…
Baden-Powell famously said "A boy is not a sitting-down animal." One might dislike a lot of other things about the man, but he got this one right.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#35[flagged]
It reminds me of when I was a 10 year old and all the times my younger sister annoyingly told me things like "I can beat you at [insert sport or game] but I don't in front of you because I don't wanna."
Like, yeah, maybe you could, but the evidence is lacking.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#36As a black guy I don't remember a friend ever saying "black people suck" to my face. But I've heard people I'm close with, both women and men, say that "men suck" countless times. I think a lot of people who don't see themselves as "biased" still carry a lot of bias when it comes to gender, and it has an impact.
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Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#37> New research shows that when fathers are present and emotionally invested in children’s lives, they are more likely to develop a stronger sense of self-worth and excel in everything from school to relationships. Regardless of the debate on how tough (or not) love should be, the absent fathers issue seems like something concrete and impactful that we should be trying to address.
Maybe, as a culture, we should emphasize MORE the health of the family, of the duty and honor it brings to raise kids and less on the "perfect" romantic relationships of the parents? Shouldn't we promote a less Hollywood-like picture of long lasting relationships?
I have the feeling that we are trained too much to think that our "romance" and sex life should last forever. When - in reality - a good relationship transforms to something that is more similar to a good companionship (yes - you should like each other a lot, sure... but be less seeking for the thrill you might have had in the first year).
Kids need stability - not parents living in their own unrealistic world.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#38The reality of the world dictates that men require a smidgen of "toxic masculinity" to power through. Try telling a sewer cleaner to feel more, or share his feelings. He instead should embolden himself and power through it.
Even if the material world didn't require this, it's required by a substantial portion of women, romantically speaking. Many women express their concern that "he never shares his emotions", but when he finally does express his emotions and what truly bothers him she finds herself unusually dry and loses respect for him. Some men never have to learn this the hard way, and they're fortunate. It's common enough that it'…
Absolutely! As if women and men are biologically wired a certain way.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#39> New research shows that when fathers are present and emotionally invested in children’s lives, they are more likely to develop a stronger sense of self-worth and excel in everything from school to relationships. Regardless of the debate on how tough (or not) love should be, the absent fathers issue seems like something concrete and impactful that we should be trying to address.
As someone who grew up on shitty side of that research, I make it a point in my life to be the exact opposite for my son.
Re: Ignoring boys' emotional needs fuels public health risks
#40Earlier quoted context omitted.
>It contradicts even the most basic of common sense It doesn't do that at all. The most obvious example of this is unemployment. When men lose jobs, they are at much higher risk to slide into social isolation, drug use and even suicide. Anti-social behavior among women in those situations is much less common. Young men without perspective likewise are much more likely to turn towards extremism, violence and so on. Mo…
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> But that's exactly what I'm referring to. It cherry picks some examples to make men look "fragile", "sensitive", and "vulnerable".
It also ignores that women, generally speaking, have greater support networks than men. Men in America have generally been expected to handle far more things on their own. Plenty of women I know in their 30s and beyond still ask things of their parents whilst I don't know of nearly as many guys in my cohort who rely on their parents in any way.
In a sense, this is all victim blaming. Majority of homeless people are men? I guess they should have been as strong as women! /s