A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
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A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
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Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#2> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue.
This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with.
A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad because of bitches/billionaires/Mexicans/whatever" - I've never heard anyone talk like that while also maximizing what's in their power to change.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#3> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
I usually don't struggle to work towards my goals but totally agree that this resonates and this single insight made the article a worthwhile read.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#4This is a long post – 2200 words
Alternative: Watch Netlfix series "Arnold"
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#5Another way to getting what you want of course, is to think about what you really want and change that to something you can achieve almost immediately. The article alludes to this:
> Do you want to be self-employed? Or do you just need some time off from your normally-tolerable day job? Do you truly want washboard abs, or just to see an energetic, healthy person in the mirror for once?
And:
> There can also be things you think you want (a law degree; a Walden-like shack in the woods) that you mistake for what you really want (your father’s approval; a less obnoxious boss), which may be vastly easier, or vastly more difficult, to acquire.
You know what most people want? Happiness. Acceptance. To not have to deal with people who don't love or respect them, and to spend time with people who do.
Here at HN, the personality type that is most dominant is the maximiser - trying to increase productivity, income, live life a little more fuller or longer. Fine.
And yet, regularly, a thread emerges asking what it's like to ditch the progress so far and change direction. "How hard is it go give up being a Senior Java engineer and become a farmer?", is a question that will garner answers, attention and upvotes.
It's possible you've chosen a career or lifestyle or group of friends that aren't very you.
My take is don't choose goals - don't try and decide on the destination of what you want. Instead, choose processes, choose a way of living that makes you happy, and make small changes right now.
Another way of thinking about this is: don't choose outputs, choose inputs.
Choose your processes, your inputs, what happens when you wake up each day, the values you stay true to. Don't try and choose outputs and work backwards from them. Trust me, I've tried both, and the latter is miserable - you don't even get to be happy for long when you achieve a goal. The article touches on that, but I can't stress this enough:
When you achieve something that has taken you a long time to achieve, the pleasure of doing so lasts a short while. What you'll focus on when you look back is how you got there, so choose that carefully.
I'd also advise carefully considering how to measure progress. You might think you want to be rich (a goal), and think you need the lifestyle to get rich (the process), but you might actually just want financial independence - living a contented life spending less than you bring in - and they are not the same thing. You can have the latter without the former (especially as a tech worker), with a very different process to the one you'd choose to "get rich".
You might think you want to weigh X pounds or kgs, but you might actually want the things that you think are exclusive to that but maybe are not: better fitting clothes, being more physically attractive, better health. There things you can do today - different ways of being - that contribute immediately. Cut down on smoking, recreational drugs (including alcohol) and spending money on better clothes rather than takeaways means you'll be better tomorrow than you were today with just a change of direction on where you put your time, money and effort.
You might think you want to be on the front cover of Wired and touted as the next hot thing, but perhaps - like many of the people who have had that experience - what you actually needed was more people around you who like you just as you are right now.
That doesn't mean you should stop looking for personal growth and the big goals. Sure, get rich, get sexy, be likeable and get respected, do that work. I'm just saying the journey counts at least as much as the destination, and the journey can start the moment you get to the end of this sentence.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#6> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
Don’t forget people overvaluing talent as one of the main excuses while minimizing what they can control.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#7This is a long post – 2200 words Alternative: Watch Netlfix series "Arnold"
Could you elaborate a bit more on that?
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#8If you’re going to marry, marry well. I'd wager that 90% of not getting what you want in adulthood relates to compromise or deferral to your spouse.
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#9This is a long post – 2200 words Alternative: Watch Netlfix series "Arnold"
So instead of a "long" <10 min read, watch a multi-hour video?
Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)
#10> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…
It’s a self-truthing statement. As in, everyone who doesn’t agree with you is also excluded from your criteria. So from your point of view, you are absolutely right.
It goes like this:
- Papa deer: “Remember son, you have the power to make objects move by thought. If you see a car rolling towards you, STARE at it straight in the headlights and concentrate and move it with your mind.”
- Son deer: “Isn’t that how grandpa died?”
- Papa deer: “He didn’t believe enough.”
So I’ll say it straight away: Some people, no matter how they work to build a startup, are blocked from success by external factors, on which they can do nothing. And I can say that because I’m a millionaire twice from startups, and that gift/set of skills/learnings/factors will never dawn on some people.
Of course I’m definitely not saying that because I’m single and have no talent in women ;) But I’m tired of “Just put your mind to it, and if it doesn’t work, it’s because you didn’t try enough.” No. I irritate women. I can see it in their eyes, and there is no way around that (at least until someone tells me what my defect is, assuming it’s a defect I can work upon, but everyone lies to me saying “try more”. No, papa deer).