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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#71

Post by Kazrath »

sho_hn wrote: post #45
seniorThrowaway wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The issue is that the personality traits that tend to correlate with good programming and software engineering - logic, reasoning, detachment, analysis, thinking outside the box - don't tend to correlate well with interpersonal and especially romantic interpersonal relationships. In order to be successful in relationships, those types of minds have to consistently and constantly do things they consider completely irr…

All these things have their own kind of logic to them. It's possible to learn/train people/empathy. There's a lot of people who can't get themselves to believe that it's worth investing, in though. But people skills do come in handy, also when solving non-romantic problems at scale.

It has little to do with lack of empathy. I've found the problem is far more to do with oversharing conclusions based on observations. Empathy is typically in hindsight. You expect the other person to be intelligent, observant, reasonable, and logical. What you did say is not something that would have offended yourself or other like-minded individuals. So when it does offend, the empathy kicks in and you realize your mistake. Which is often just over-estimating the other person.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#72

Post by redmerchant2 »

joker99 wrote: post #53
redmerchant2 wrote: post #38

This is a known issue but the down stream effect won’t be felt for a while. Let’s be clear we’re talking about general behavioral trend, not trying to police an individual, which is the crux of contention for these topics. Many women still hold on to the idea of finding a partner that is wealthier and more educated. This is due to the past (over)reliance of their partners for stability. But this is no longer true. Th…

> Many women still hold on to the idea of finding a partner that is wealthier and more educated. This is due to the past (over)reliance of their partners for stability. But this is no longer true. I'm not sure this is absolutely true - at least for Germany. Here the figures show, that women and men, ceteris paribus, earn pretty much the same (+-3%). Until... children come into the mix. The lack of child care and soci…

I think that’s a good point but the idea your (male) partner has to make more seems silly.

The core idea of finding a partner that is strictly better is the concern the article raises. If she makes 300k a year and he makes 150k a year, the studies suggest women would refuse to take that.

But if we suppose they get together, even with the haircut in wages from taking time for childcare, they will still have a great standard of living.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#73

Post by sho_hn »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

This doesn't match my experience at all. In my experience, in most adult heterosexual long-term relationships it's usually the female partner who is insisting on long-term planning, financial planning, avoiding frivolous purchases, etc. and are happy if men don't start conflicts over this. Your exaggerated example basically screams "husband material".

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#74

Post by HDThoreaun »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

Not my experience. Maybe you're just talking to the wrong people? I find it easy enough to find people who aren't interested in materialism/rat race culture but are interested in ambitious, educated people.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#75

Post by ctvo »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

I can only assume, because it was unstated, and I didn't dive into the citations, but it looked like successful, educated women's preferences orbited around stability, and long term potential, rather than access to luxurious things or free trips.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#76

Post by sho_hn »

throw-ru-938 wrote: post #47
sho_hn wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's definitely true that my wife I say "I wish I had met you five years earlier" a lot, e.g. around things like starting a fam. There's something to what you say there, it gives you more runway in HN parlance.

Then again, it's not guaranteed she would appreciate you-but-five-years-earlier, and vice versa. A person probably undergoes a bit more character development than a VC firm does.

Given that we're no longer with the people who we were seeing 5 years earlier ... yep.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#77

Post by Abekkus »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

I would think a high maintenance partner would be a turn-off for anyone chasing FIRE, anyways?

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#78

Post by majormajor »

redmerchant2 wrote: post #38

This is a known issue but the down stream effect won’t be felt for a while. Let’s be clear we’re talking about general behavioral trend, not trying to police an individual, which is the crux of contention for these topics. Many women still hold on to the idea of finding a partner that is wealthier and more educated. This is due to the past (over)reliance of their partners for stability. But this is no longer true. Th…

> The education gap between men and women are growing. More women enroll and graduate from college then men. Many young men, mostly lower-middle class, (whether fairly or not) feel like the education system does not work for them.

So, like, isn't the question "why"?

Why do boys, particularly lower- or lower-middle class, not believe in the education system as much as their sisters?

School sucks, work sucks, then you die. But that's not new. And it's not stopping the girls/women. So why aren't the boys doing what previous generations did?

I don't know the answer, but just saying "they don't like it" is hard to action on. Are parents too indulgent with boys in a way they aren't with girls? Is boy-oriented media setting up more unrealistic expectations relative to girl-oriented stuff? Are there just that many boys who can't deal with a world where uncontrolled aggression is less tolerated? I haven't seen a really good thorough investigation of this. (I've seen lots of bad-faith "this is what happens when you leave the Bible behind and women don't have to serve their men" ones...)

I'm also not sure how much "we" as a society should care in the aggregate, vs having empathy for in the specific. Things never stay static, the system (institutions, culture, and individuals) will likely adjust. It's sad an overachieving woman reaches the top and can't find the ideal person she had built up in her head. It's sad a man doesn't apply himself in school or to building his social skills can't find dates. But it's also great that that woman was able to do all that. And there are still countless happy relationships and marriages happening - and many of them eventually separate, but overall, it seems like there is less violence and misery than in the past.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#79

Post by Galaxeblaffer »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

Depends on the woman and MANY would be attracted to the former. I'm pretty sure most would be better off with the kind of woman who is attracted to the former and that you should stay way clear women who values the latter.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#80

Post by drooby »

rngname22 wrote: post #64

Conversations about high income as a factor in attracting women often seem to neglect to mention that it's not enough to have a high income if you don't use it to signal wealth or to provide luxury experiences to women. Telling women you want to put your high income to work in enabling you to retire early but live a modest life and use that freedom to pursue creative pursuits doesn't have the same effect as taking th…

Ding ding ding…. It’s not about education… or income, it’s about STATUS.
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