Alternatively, never blow up your life! Live near your family and lifelong friends, establish hardcore roots with your community, always be surrounded by love. A road less taken by the educated elites, but a happy and fulfilling road nonetheless. The Onion’s take: https://www.theonion.com/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfil...
Thank you for sharing that article. I had a good laugh reading it. It's essentially the life I'm trying to live, except I work remotely and earn a "city wage" while living in my rural home town.
> "Always be surrounded by love..." unless you are gay. Gay, trans, atheist, feminist, brown, an opioid addict, a questioner of authority, or otherwise different. Or a middle-aged white man. https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/
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Given what we know demographically about middle age white males (that they're relatively richer, more powerful e.t.c. than their peers) you can make some useful inferences about what doesn't work to decrease suicide risk.
While there are probably many reasons for this a personal theory of mine (without any firm backing) is that Borderline Personality disorder is underdiagnosed in males.
People with BPD are at a significantly higher risk of suicide, but very effective treatments exist namely dialectical behavioural therapy: a collection of emotional management and mindfulness exercises designed by a psychologists with BPD. The diagnostic criteria for BPD however, are heavily weighed towards symptoms associated with female socialisation. Even the treatment materials assume a female patient, which while not making them less effective is probably a hard sell to males in a sexist society.
Alternatively, never blow up your life! Live near your family and lifelong friends, establish hardcore roots with your community, always be surrounded by love. A road less taken by the educated elites, but a happy and fulfilling road nonetheless. The Onion’s take: https://www.theonion.com/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfil...
Interesting topic. When you are socially underdeveloped, the strange sheep, the sightly bullied, the not-taken seriously, well it’s not so bad to go twice around the globe a few years and come back. There’s debate. I’ve lost a lot of social fabric. I’m workaholic because I don’t have enough friends. But I’m millionaire, own my startup, own my house, and I can get advice on how to manage at work, get a psychologist, e…
Are you sure you're not trading your willingness to make more genuine human connections for the convenience of a psychologist?
this article does give me some privilege vibes. not everyone can just move to thailand, become bartender and write a book about. that's a very specific trajectory.
I see where you're coming from, but that doesn't match my experience. Plenty of non white people immigrate to different countries to try their luck at a better life. Maybe the difference is what standard you compare yourself to? - Black dude from the US: I can't move to Thailand, what would happen if I fail - Black dude from Rwanda: I might as well move to Thailand, maybe I'll have better luck over there
> maybe I'll have better luck over there
It's more privilege in the sense of having the luxury to take risks as opposed to the desperation of seeking a better life.
The second guys life is already kind of "blown up", while the author is more like entitled boredom.
I spent years examining (also together with my psychologist) the question: “People always tell you to follow your dream”. But often following one’s dream comes at a cost, or at least comes with some risk. Yet, the advice to “follow your dream” is a blanket advice, it supposedly trumps everything else. I ended up deciding to not follow my dream, at that point in life, and I am happy I didn’t. I won’t be telling my kid…
Wise words :) However ... 'I won’t be telling my kids to “follow your dream”'. .. well, they'll probably do what they wanna do anyway, won't they? ;) My advice to our kids would be, follow your dreams, but be pragmatic, don't put all your eggs in one basket. If you want, to use random examples, to be a musician or something without reliable income, or spend a lot of time travelling for fun, then you're gonna have to learn how to live on little, e:g learn cheap healthy cooking skills, in extreme situation you might have to live in an old van or tent some of the time. And/or maybe develop some specialist work skill that isn't your ideal profession but brings in money quick when you need it. Alternatively, base your life around a career that pays enough to get by, while allowing free time to follow your dreams maybe by working part-time or something. I know someone who works as a teaching assistant in schools whilst doing lead roles in good quality amateur shows. She seems very happy, presumably happier than if she was professional actress. I guess my argument is , its not either/or, its a trade-off.... BTW we are SO lucky in tech. We can have it all, decent paid job that isn't crazy hours. Take time out to go travelling, come back and as long as you got the skillset you'll get hired again. Some other professions have even more freedom... anything medical, always in need. Nurses can call the shots completely.. (in terms of choosing hours, shifts, career breaks to go be in a show, protect a rainforest by occupying it or something)
Severe trauma? Really? Didn’t see any mention of violence, sexual assault, prison time, or the like. These seem like totally prosaic life choices that more or less worked out fine for him in the end. Maybe the language is a bit overwrought but that could just be to punch things up for the reader.
He was unable to make and keep connections that he found valuable enough to preserve. He wrote a post about blowing up your life and barely concentrated on the biggest reason not to, to preserve your social connections and proximity to the people you love to spend time with. I would be very surprised if this person did not have an "avoidant" attachment type. I think you underestimate how severe the trauma of feeling…
You can preserve connections after leaving a place or changing a relationship. Most people are capable of this. It sounds like the author was as well, since he mentions having an amicable conversation with his ex-wife after his divorce.
Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Severe trauma would be something like being held in solitary confinement for months.
I don't entirely disagree, but the first thing that this article brought to mind is the old cliche "wherever you go, there you are". I'm 34, lots of ex girlfriends and lots of past cities. There's a fine line between breaking out of the status quo hamster wheel and running away from your baggage. Moving cities, or relationships, or jobs isn't worth as much if you aren't simultaneously working on yourself
It's as old as humanity
> Do you suppose that you alone have had this experience? Are you surprised, as if it were a novelty, that after such long travel and so many changes of scene you have not been able to shake off the gloom and heaviness of your mind? You need a change of soul rather than a change of climate.
Seneca, 2000 years ago
More people should read the classics, lots of wisdom you can speed run instead of discovering you fucked up the better part of your youth chasing ghosts
I knew since I was 8-9 years old that I had to run away from things that reminded me of my home. So moving out first from my hometown and then from my country was something that I has planned for a long time, and nothing that I regret even if it meant leaving all the personal growth I had.
My wife on the other hand decided to stay with me for the trip, and she still has emotional ups and downs with regarding of leaving her career behind, even if she’s working on getting her career back, she’s starting from zero.
Although the US is a wealthy country, I believe for most people "following your dream" there could be much harder than in Europe. Especially in terms of an unexpected healthcare problem at the wrong time. Of course some people are wealthy enough for this not to be a problem, and it is easier to get investors there. Still, I would not characterize it as risk-free in the US.
In a couple of small, wealthiest countries in Europe (Scandinavian countries, Switzerland), sure. But everywhere else, if you go for the dream and fail, you'll be barely making a living. Whereas in the US, you can fail and likely still land a $40k-50k job doing whatever. In Europe, managers in serious firms often don't make $50k. Also, serious health problems before 40 are really rare.
I think you're both right in the sense that, USA is more forgiving of career "mistakes" and people get many chances to "make it big" financially , while Europe is a little more conservative about career history but has better safety net which also gives people chances to re-invent themselves. (Speaking as someone who's lived in both UK and US). :)
He was unable to make and keep connections that he found valuable enough to preserve. He wrote a post about blowing up your life and barely concentrated on the biggest reason not to, to preserve your social connections and proximity to the people you love to spend time with. I would be very surprised if this person did not have an "avoidant" attachment type. I think you underestimate how severe the trauma of feeling…
You can preserve connections after leaving a place or changing a relationship. Most people are capable of this. It sounds like the author was as well, since he mentions having an amicable conversation with his ex-wife after his divorce. Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Severe trauma would be something like being held in solitary confinement for months.
> Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma.
Voluntary social alienation can definitely be caused by trauma, I think that's what the person your reply to implied