The headline is erroneous and flame worthy. There is without question an issue with loneliness in the world (not just the USl but it has nothing to do with what is actually labeled the"American Dream" (the ability to put in effort and succeed). There are plenty of people who spend time alone without being lonely.
The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
81–90 of 115 posts
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#82Maybe some abstract philosophy from the 19th century isn't the reason that, all of a sudden, people are more lonely and depressed. The less I engage with America's consumerist mass media society, the less lonely I feel. I felt more lonely when I watched TV, listened to the news, read the paper, scrolled through social media. Everywhere there was a reminder of the life I'm not living, stuff I don't have, other people'…
[dead]
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#83I spend so much of my time intentionally trying to cultivate community. In some respects, it is the over-arching theme of my adult life. I find community is very hard to come by so if I have to be the one to make it, so be it. I pay a pretty penny to be a member of a coworking space so I don't spend my workday alone. Three times per week I go to regularly-scheduled events (a game night, running club, and roller-skati…
[deleted]
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#84Society is driving loneliness. Look at the demands of school (and after school activities for that college app) and work. Everyone is so busy that it's hard to schedule anything once you have a job, house, family, etc. You need two incomes now, so that's that's a big drain on time when the schedules don't match up.
I agree, though I wouldn't call it society. I'd call it "economy and policy".
The USA has no safety nets. Getting sick could mean going bankrupt if you don't have a job with healthcare. With rents as high as they are in big cities, not having a job quickly drains your bank account. As you said, you need two incomes now.
If you have a family, you might live in the suburbs which makes things worse. Suburbs can often be loneliness machines. Everyone is so spread-out, there's nothing to do except going to someone else's house, and you have to drive to get anywhere.
I don't want people in my house. I want to meet them at a café, a bar, or a restaurant, casually. "Hey, this thing happened at work, let's chat about it over some drinks" shouldn't involve picking whose house we're meeting at, or driving, or a $XX 20 minute + 10 min wait-time Uber, and another one back.
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#85Earlier quoted context omitted.
Greatest decision I ever made was getting a remote gig, leaving the big city, and moving to a small town. There is enough going on here to keep busy, and everyone knows eachother. Would never dream of raising my kids somewhere like SF. If you want community, go somewhere it's valued. Everyone in the big city is a transient, only there to make money and find love before it's time to head for the suburbs.
I live in a mid-sized US city and it’s hell. Seven years in, my friend group is small - but present - and there are very few activities I enjoy. It is a sleepy kind of place. Community here forms in small pockets of people who have known each other their entire lives and are not welcoming to newcomers. I have eyed a move to SF and when I last traveled there my Airbnb host commented, “this is where you come to find co…
[deleted]
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#86I spend so much of my time intentionally trying to cultivate community. In some respects, it is the over-arching theme of my adult life. I find community is very hard to come by so if I have to be the one to make it, so be it. I pay a pretty penny to be a member of a coworking space so I don't spend my workday alone. Three times per week I go to regularly-scheduled events (a game night, running club, and roller-skati…
> I am an entrepreneur of friendship
love that for u. where do i invest?
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#87Society is driving loneliness. Look at the demands of school (and after school activities for that college app) and work. Everyone is so busy that it's hard to schedule anything once you have a job, house, family, etc. You need two incomes now, so that's that's a big drain on time when the schedules don't match up.
I agree, though I wouldn't call it society. I'd call it "economy and policy". The USA has no safety nets. Getting sick could mean going bankrupt if you don't have a job with healthcare. With rents as high as they are in big cities, not having a job quickly drains your bank account. As you said, you need two incomes now. If you have a family, you might live in the suburbs which makes things worse. Suburbs can often be…
'I'd call it "economy and policy".'
Is there really a difference? In any first world country, society seems to be driven by this, regardless of the safety nets.
"Everyone is so spread-out, there's nothing to do except going to someone else's house, and you have to drive to get anywhere."
This is highly variable. I've lived on suburbs were there were thing to do. It wasn't that spread out, so I could bike places.
"I don't want people in my house."
Perhaps this is part of the problem.
"shouldn't involve picking whose house we're meeting at, or driving, or a $XX 20 minute + 10 min wait-time Uber,"
I think you may be confusing rural for suburb. 20 minutes to get to a bar/cafe/restaurant is not a typical suburban experience.
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#88Earlier quoted context omitted.
Love your response to this :) came to the same conclusion. I do think friendships are getting "faster" and community "easier" to build - hopefully the next wave of friendships can be made faster & with fewer mental cycles.
This comment reminded me of how quickly children can become friends. It's funny what we can do when we come to the table without any expectation of one another.
Its not just children. If you travel by yourself you often make friends who 7 days later are your "best friends", just like children.
We just need a way to foster those situations in real life.
The biggest issue I find with things like meetup.com initially there can be alot of talk about meetup, oh how often do you do this, bit weird isn't it, bonding over the mild awkwardness of the situation.
After that you form genuine friendships but then can't be bothered with those conversations anymore and either duck out of the group with your friends or become cliquey within the group.
The people who are always there and enthusiastically meeting new people every single week for years I always find a little odd and struggle to form a genuine deep connection with, because they're doing the surface level stuff on auto pilot and you have to regularly do it too if you're going to spend alot of time with them (because they're doing it with others even if not you).
It's an interesting situation to navigate and I understand why some struggle or don't bother.
Re: The American Dream convinces people loneliness is normal
#89While I am not a fan of American Exceptionalism, I think this article is more informed by the usual European prejudiced tropes about America than by reality, at least in the parallels between the traditions of rugged individualism from the Old West and the present epidemics of loneliness. The old Cowboy was based on self-reliance, he was not a loner because he couldn't connect with people, but because his adventures…
I disagree; I do think the "old cowboy" trope is closely related to today's loneliness epidemic and disagree with the notion that modern loneliness is rooted on the "lack of concrete agency on one's life". Source: me. The trope of the hero, the power of will and life as a personal and individual journey is widespread in American culture and its cultural exports (Hollywood, music, etc). Also very widespread, the idea…
> I'd call this the opposite to "lacking agency on one's life".
It's not though, is it? Given that we in the United States need to earn money for everything rather than have meaningful social welfare programs means that our agency is simply "earn the most amount of money so maybe you can have a few years of peace in your 80s." which I think is the opposite of meaningful agency of one's own life.