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Some mistakes I made as a new manager

benkuhn.net

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Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#51

Post by KarlTheCool »

steveBK123 wrote: post #46

> I asked people for feedback. I found that if I just asked “do you have any feedback for me?” people often wouldn’t, but if I asked more granular questions—“was that meeting useful?”—I would usually learn a lot from it. This part is good. I think generally as engineers, a manager simply asking "do you have feedback for me" just feels like a trap. I don't know man, there's plenty of things you do that annoy me but li…

I feel this response. If voicing your opinion is a risk that needs calculating, it's not worth trying. It's sad to see a small team's chat be bullied into a stream of just :eyes: :raising_hands: :party_popper:

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#53

Post by Brajeshwar »

DenisM wrote: post #20

That’s a nice looking site… Does anyone know a low-effort way of making something similar?

Here you go https://jez.io/pandoc-markdown-css-theme/

Source: https://github.com/jez/pandoc-markdown-css-theme

And the Jekyll version https://github.com/jez/pandoc-markdown-jekyll-theme

I'm trying to move my site to this theme and got it working locally but too lazy to transition with my tweaks, and additions or rather the removals to the bare minimum with just Pandoc and Make (or something simpler) that I'm thinking. Not in a hurry.

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#54

Post by _adamb »

steveBK123 wrote: post #46

> I asked people for feedback. I found that if I just asked “do you have any feedback for me?” people often wouldn’t, but if I asked more granular questions—“was that meeting useful?”—I would usually learn a lot from it. This part is good. I think generally as engineers, a manager simply asking "do you have feedback for me" just feels like a trap. I don't know man, there's plenty of things you do that annoy me but li…

I find the pattern of "How are you feeling about X, 0-10?" followed up by "What would get you to a 10?" very useful. Almost nobody ever says 10 and when they do, when you pressure test it, "So, everything is 100% perfect and you want it to stay the same forever?" it gets revised down appropriately.

"What would get you to a 10" is as very constructive way to think about it as well. It's not just complaining, it's articulating what you'd like to change.

Once teams get used to this, it comes part of the vernacular, "I'm only 6/10 on this idea". The follow up is always, "What would get you to a 10"

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#55

Post by plaguepilled »

chrsig wrote: post #18

> You upset them so deeply that they respond by unleashing the incredibly vicious-yet-perceptive tirade that they’ve been stewing on since the incident, reducing you to tears. Congratulations on hiring someone in the bottom ~2% of professionalism? At least your conscience can be clean at this point I guess. "Well your reaction was bad, so it doesn't matter what I did" This sort of discounts what the manager did to pi…

I am not sure I agree with this assessment. A tirade isn't the first response and it deserves attention and a degree of empathy, but it is unprofessional almost universally. You generally don't need to do it (it is not competitively advantageous to try) and does not make the tirader nor the tiraded feel better.

This is not to say a colleague should be a zen automaton that never feels discontent. However, learning not to get too upset when giving feedback, and similarly, giving feedback before you are that upset, are professional skills.

So when the author says they can feel better about the interaction, it might make more sense to read that as "yes, I did something wrong, but this was also quite a silly exchange and it sort of lifts the intensity off a bit". Which, considering the author is indicating that they're worried they said the wrong thing to begin with, would make sense (since they are attempting to empathise).

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#56

Post by paulcole »

johndhi wrote: post #35

I'm a new manager and am facing a conundrum over a supposed super star who joined my team but, at least from what I can tell, is far and away the least productive member of my team. Any ideas?

I disagree with the other person who said, “Give it time…”

Read the book Difficult Conversations.

From the book, you need to prep by looking at the situation from your perspective and the other person’s. This has been very helpful for me in figuring out these tough situations. Then you look for the difference in those stories, hear the other person’s story from their perspective and work towards a solution.

Generally the more you put off these conversations the more you’ll regret it. And honestly it’s a weight off your shoulders when you do have them and you’ll often wish you had them sooner.

And most people in my experience hate starting these kinds of conversations so more often than not, in some way, they appreciate that you as their boss are starting it for them.

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#57

Post by zmmmmm »

This is a really good post. As someone with very similar challenges and situation, I found it highly relevant and a very useful read.

Only thing I'd have to modify for myself is .... "made as a new manager" => "continue to struggle with after 10 years".

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#58

Post by [deleted] »

chrsig wrote: post #18

> You upset them so deeply that they respond by unleashing the incredibly vicious-yet-perceptive tirade that they’ve been stewing on since the incident, reducing you to tears. Congratulations on hiring someone in the bottom ~2% of professionalism? At least your conscience can be clean at this point I guess. "Well your reaction was bad, so it doesn't matter what I did" This sort of discounts what the manager did to pi…

[deleted]

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#59

Post by dataflow »

_adamb wrote: post #54
steveBK123 wrote: post #46

> I asked people for feedback. I found that if I just asked “do you have any feedback for me?” people often wouldn’t, but if I asked more granular questions—“was that meeting useful?”—I would usually learn a lot from it. This part is good. I think generally as engineers, a manager simply asking "do you have feedback for me" just feels like a trap. I don't know man, there's plenty of things you do that annoy me but li…

I find the pattern of "How are you feeling about X, 0-10?" followed up by "What would get you to a 10?" very useful. Almost nobody ever says 10 and when they do, when you pressure test it, "So, everything is 100% perfect and you want it to stay the same forever?" it gets revised down appropriately. "What would get you to a 10" is as very constructive way to think about it as well. It's not just complaining, it's arti…

> Almost nobody ever says 10 [...] "So, everything is 100% perfect and you want it to stay the same forever?"

But I mean, "it's not perfect" doesn't imply "I want you to change something", right? To exaggerate a bit to get my point across: I'd love our meetings more if they included pony rides in the middle, but that doesn't mean I think we should incorporate pony riding sessions into our meetings. It feels weird to take all "this isn't perfect" messages to mean "you can/should be doing better" - things might not be perfect but they might just be good enough.

Re: Some mistakes I made as a new manager

#60

Post by tschellenbach »

I've been managing teams for 16 years, I think it's actually really beneficial to stay hands on in lead or director roles. After that it's usually not possible given the work load. It improves team alignment, you can evaluate people's work better, understand their issues better and help level them up.

Some of the companies that promoted the hands-off style of management, like Twilio are currently really struggling. Datadog is a great example of a more hands on approach and they are crushing it. If tech is more core to a company, people should stay hands on.

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