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Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

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Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#331

Post by martindbp »

enduser wrote: post #252
silisili wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same sentiment exactly. Not to sound rude, but I don't -want- more friends, and it feels bad rejecting people who reach out. I already feel like there aren't enough hours in a day, and selfishly want to hoard my time to myself. My wife and I are polar opposites in that regard. She can never seem to have enough friends, and they talk often. I think one big difference is how people are with nothingness. Because no matt…

One thing I learned from reading Jung and not just the MBTI stuff based on his work is his core distinction between introversion and extroversion: Introverts have an inner model of the world. Extroverts rely directly on the world. It doesn’t mean that extroverts like people more or that introverts necessarily prefer being alone. It’s just that for extroverts, when nothing external is happening it’s like a little deat…

But certainly extroverts must have an inner model world, otherwise how can they have a System 2 or do any kind of analytical thinking? Or is it that they do have one but only engage it when actively trying to solve a problem?

This definition of introvert seems closer to the term "need for cognition".

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#332

Post by igouy »

legerdemain wrote: post #325
igouy wrote: post #309

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"A free, fun, and friendly weekly 5k community event. Walk, jog, run, volunteer or spectate – it's up to you!" https://www.parkrun.us/byxbee/

I'll try it this weekend!

Good. There'll be "old-timers" and regulars and newcomers and tourists, and walkers and competitors and joggers…

(Parking is along Embarcadero road, not in the Byxbee Park parking lot.)

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#333

Post by randomopining »

_k7dr wrote: post #167
SquibblesRedux wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am curious what you do for a living, why, and what would you rather do (or not do). Ignoring social factors, is there anything you would like to change?

I'm not them but I work in tech, its lucrative Its not social anxiety for me, its asociality. It turns out the reason could be genetic. I talked to my mom recently, she said she came from a "line of sociopaths". I think she's exaggerating but I got the idea. Her father had multiple wives, and at least 3 male offspring still alive sound like me. My closest cousin has no friends and lives as a hikkikomori in his mid-30…

I think the language/japan thing shows that it's stuff created in your head in isolation that is holding you back. And only a different view of things (forced on you through using another language) is what you need.

Keep it up with the languages though, always time well spent.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#334

Post by glonq »

When I was a kid, we moved a lot. So I had to make new friends every year or two. And I did.

But did this help me with making friends as an adult? Apparently nope.

How come there's a million dating apps but no "friend finding" apps? Well there's meetup.com but the results there are somewhat meh.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#335

Post by sys32768 »

Brystephor wrote: post #292
sys32768 wrote: post #267

One of my problems is that I think I have a friend. We have great fun together and seem to match, but eventually I realize I'm initiating all contact. So I stop initiating and wait for the signal that they want to hang out. Crickets. I do plan to join a photography club although most everyone is older married couples. Still, nice folk, and a hobby I find joy in.

What about them not initiating contact is a negative? I can see why that'd be interpreted as a negative, but does it make sense for that person? I know that I do a poor job of initiating hanging out but if I'm ever invited somewhere, I say yes 9/10 times. I like to do stuff but 1) I don't know what to suggest to do with others or 2) I want to suggest something however I am worried it'll be a negative experience and t…

Well in one case, it was a neighbor. We had some great chats over beers, lots of laughs. Knocked on his door several times and enjoyed the visits. I also emailed him to initiate contact. We had some interests in common.

But he never initiated, not once. Never offered his number, never emailed me to see what's up after I moved a few miles away.

I think that combined with him being from the South, where I understand people can be extremely polite in not being your friend--I just figured he was politely saying No Thanks.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#337

Post by glonq »

the_only_law wrote: post #26
bonestamp2 wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Go to meetup.com. Find a weekly meetup in your area that matches one of your interests (or start one). Go to that meetup every week. Within a couple months you'll be friends with the regulars. I've done this in two cities and I'm still long distance friends with the people I met in the first city. It only takes a couple hours per week and for your mental health you should be getting out for social activities anyway.…

Where do you live? I’ve always seen people rave about meetup but most of the time when I’ve downloaded it’s filled mostly with scammy crap (MLM groups and similar business schemes), “entrepreneurs” trying to “network” and hyper specific demographic groups (40+ singles hiking group or whatever)

Ditto. My local meetup.com is MLM, networking, pub crawls, new age mumbo jumbo, self-help/therapy, and niche demographics.

Where the hell are the normal people? Where can I find folks into morning jogs, woodworking, sailing, road trips, 3d printing, burritos, and international travel?

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#338

Post by cableshaft »

anonymousDan wrote: post #329
cableshaft wrote: post #214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most of the ones that pop up on Meetup for me (and I'm referring to hiking groups, not running groups, I can't run for very long at all) seem to pick trail routes that will be at least 5-8 miles long, and you risk getting lost if you have to stop early, or they insist on a specific fast pace in the description, or it's an hour drive away just to get there, or they're in the middle of the day on a weekday, which I pre…

Is there a hash hounds harriers group in mountain view ( https://www.hashhouseharriers.com/what-is-hashing/ )? I would be somewhat surprised if not given they are everywhere. Excellent both socially and physically for all abilities. I recommend checking them out. Essentially you run as a group, but someone has marked out a forking trail in advance. Fast runners risk taking the wrong route and so have to backtrack whe…

I'm in the far suburbs of Chicago, but I wasn't aware of this, and it does look like there's one of these in downtown Chicago: https://www.chicagohash.com/

Downtown Chicago is a bit far for me to drive for a run, but I'll keep an eye on it in case one of them ends up a bit closer to me. And maybe this will help someone else that does live downtown. Thanks for the suggestion!

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#339

Post by Eisenstein »

mdbauman wrote: post #297
usefulcat wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pre-covid, I did this for about nine years. Trivia night at a local bar. The meeting even survived the closing of the original bar; we just moved to a different bar. However the size of the group did shrink over time, mainly coinciding with several members meeting other people and so not being single any longer. Since covid there's only been the occasional get-together, since not enough of the remaining members are w…

This is how I met most of my current friends, as well. I was at a local bar one night on what turned out to be trivia night. There were a few of us who didn't know anybody well but had seen each other at the bar before, so we decided to form a team to win some of our tab back. Fast forward 8 or so years. We no longer do trivia, but get together just about every week along with the siblings, childhood friends, girlfri…

Imagine the friends you didn't make because you stayed in that one night when you were on the fence about going out. Good thing too -- it kept you out of prison!

I mean, imagining what 'wouldn't have been' is a lot easier than imagining what 'could have happened' because you literally have no idea. You can imagine life without your friend group, but try to imagine a life where you ended up grabbing a drink at Jeffery Dahmer's apartment or any of a million other things.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#340

Post by lannisterstark »

prmoustache wrote: post #185
lannisterstark wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ugh, no thanks personally. I know that the friend I'm hanging out with will get my jokes - inside jokes, weird humor etc. Now I have to worry about an entire group, some of whom may not like my humor, and now I have to put on the 'you're in public, be brusque and minimal' anxiety filled mask, and can't open up as I would in 1-1 or 1-2 with a friend or just a couple of friends. Now add that to other people invited who…

When you are meeting up a large group, you aren't usually talking to everyone at all time, small clusters or 1:1 usually form and disappear naturally and organically during the time of a meetup.

Sure, but you're still conscious of everyone listening. That's the problem here. You're also not 100% logical when you have issues with anxiety.
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