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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#501

Post by mrguyorama »

yunwal wrote: post #436
anthonypasq wrote: post #408

Earlier quoted context omitted.

every single park ive ever been to does in fact have this weird little thing called grass

But there's also the sprinklers that go off every minute to keep the grass looking healthy so no one can sit on it. Or the grass is part of the baseball field. Plenty of good parks in the US for hanging out but wayyy more bad ones where just socializing seems like an afterthought, or not a thought at all.

Nah there's still plenty of "An area that's mostly nature and you can just walk through and enjoy it" but the vast majority of them were set up a hundred years ago so the reality is that most of them aren't even remotely close to population centers anymore. This means if you want to walk in a park, first you must drive there. Also in many places, staying past sundown is not allowed, as in the cops drive in (like they will actually drive around on the grass if they physically can!!) and sass you.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#502

Post by mrguyorama »

rcarr wrote: post #101
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

Here’s another thing no one talks about because it’s taboo: drink driving. Right up until the mid 70s, it was completely socially acceptable to drink and drive. Now I agree that it was probably a good thing that’s it’s been banned, but having to pay for and organise transportation to go to whatever event it is you want to go to adds another substantial layer of friction to socialising. Not to mention the fact that th…

It's still "totally acceptable" to drink and drive pretty much anywhere in small town USA. The cops won't even pull you over. Unless you are poor.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#503

Post by jjav »

shrimp_emoji wrote: post #472
TacticalCoder wrote: post #466

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> HN needs to just drop this notion that anyone opposed to density is a caveman. I totally agree with that. I've been a city dweller (in Europe) for 45 years or so and hated every second of it. I then lived in suburbia for 5 years and liked it much better. I then just spent one year in the countryside in a very remote area and loved it. I knew my neighbors (but we all had big plots so it's not as if we could see each…

I classify myself as an extremophile; suburbs are the worst of both worlds in that you're crammed in with a bunch of people but on a sprawling 2D plane -- large enough to have little privacy and low access to stuff, but just close enough for possible social friction. Ug. My favorite, but less practical, choice is also countryside. :p

> suburbs are the worst of both worlds

Suburbs are a compromise for sure, but instead I'd call them a combination of some of the best of both worlds.

Personally now as an adult I'd rather live in a much more rural area to have more land and space to do things, but for children that's kind of boring. So this suburban area gives convenient walkable access to activities, places and friends for kids while still at least having a bit of space and land for the adults.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#504

Post by mrguyorama »

coldtea wrote: post #242
jonny_eh wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lay off the Fox News

Yeah, it's just Fox. Not official crime statistics. Or even Wikipedia: "The American city of Baltimore, Maryland, is notorious for its crime rate, which ranks well above the national average. Violent crime spiked in 2015 after the death of Freddie Gray on April 19, 2015, which touched off riots and an increase in murders. The city recorded 348 homicides in 2019, a number second only to the number recorded in 1993 whe…

For reference, 348 homicides in one year for a city of half a million people is the same risk (using the micromort) as base jumping twice in the same year, or driving 175k miles, or 85ish skydives.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#505

Post by mrguyorama »

doublerebel wrote: post #192
scarface74 wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uber makes things a lot simpler.

I agree. A DUI costs easily $10K regardless of outcome. Lost opportunity cost of not networking (job opportunity, friend opportunity, happiness, therapy) easily has the same cost over just a few years. Uber is very cheap in comparison… many people don’t make the comparison.

If you're in Wisconsin, you get a punch card. Tenth one's free!

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#506

Post by cnelsenmilt »

wincy wrote: post #137
dopidopHN wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think it’s unconventional, it’s just a definition of suburbs. Worse of both world in my book. Unless you want to raise your kid in isolation.

How? My eight year old daughter gets to roam free and has seven or eight different kids she plays with on a weekly basis. A few of them daily. We’re not worried about her getting carried off because the area is super safe. We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house. It’s also very diverse, her f…

I have lived both in suburbs and cities and there are just as many poorly-kept and dangerous dogs in one as in the other.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#507

Post by mrguyorama »

pastage wrote: post #276
libraryatnight wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cars are awful. I was fantasizing about an e-bike after reading a thread on HN, but in Phoenix, I'd die for sure. I do not feel safe around other cars in my car much less a bike. I really wish the US weren't so all in on cars. It's only getting worse with the oversized death-machine trucks saturating the roads. My in-laws are blind as bats and drive something that should require a commercial license.

Getting around on an electric bike will prolong your life. I bike on good infrastructure and it makes all the difference, you see kids bicycle 7km to soccer practice. Two months every year I go to an area such as you describe and while it feels dangerous it really isn't that bad. The stress can be bad if you let it, but as long as you accept it and try to see everything nice that happens you are ok. Try it out.

E-bikes are as "dangerous" to your health as motorcycles. It's a non-negligible risk, even if often worth it.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#508

Post by mrguyorama »

throwaway22032 wrote: post #181
mikrotikker wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd far rather go for a long drive in a comfortable car with scenic views than go to a bar. My closest (in both meanings of the word) friend is three hours away through a scenic mountain pass and when we go there its for an entire weekend. This gives time to help with things like building a shed or swapping an engine in a car.

Heh. I live in a city and more and more I feel this. The whole idea behind urbanism seems to be - give up the outdoors, give up hobbies that require tools and space. Go to the bar. Or a "makerspace" where you can have controlled use of someone else's tools. Rent this, rent that, take an uber here and there. It's just so commercialised.

I grew up in the boonies. I didn't care for the outdoors, and in exchange I had no access to computer groups, accelerated learning opportunities, and other nerdy things that I did want. In fact, I would wager a guess that different people like and prioritize different things.

Making cities better and healthier and happier will not prevent you from living in the boonies and enjoying ATVs and hunting and nature walks.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#509

Post by Symbiote »

ptero wrote: post #494
Symbiote wrote: post #485

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For school you may have language barriers, depending what language(s) your children speak. They're entitled to a place at school though. The only barrier to buying a flat or house might be slightly reduced access to loans. I found in Denmark it is easier for a Dane to get a loan for 95% of the house value, but foreigners might only get 80%. EU citizens are somewhere in the middle, depending what the banks think. Lang…

Good to know, thank you! Totally fair on language, I assumed that a person moving to a country will have to learn (or, better, already know) a language. Do kids from other countries tend to be accepted well in schools? I heard that at least in France schools can be very clique-ish and coming from the outside the kid can face significant hurdles. But I am just parroting what I heard elsewhere.

Highly skilled professionals in some fields (engineers, scientists, software developers, very senior managers etc) can often find a job with only English. These people are more likely to send their children to a foreign-language school, even if they have to pay for it, as they might not plan on staying forever.

Not knowing/learning the language also works for some jobs like cleaning or agriculture, if so many workers are migrants that everyone speaks Romanian or English etc. Also postgraduate students.

Plenty of people from the north who move south when they retire (e.g. Netherlands to Spain, Germany to Greece) move before learning the language.

How quickly people learn the local language depends. Slowly in Denmark or the Netherlands where English is almost universal and work is often done in English, quickly in France or Italy where the opposite applies. Slowly if you're 65 and surrounded by other Dutch pensioners.

From what I know of France, a child from the other side of France can also be excluded, but this is from French emigrants teasing each other. I haven't heard of similar problems in Denmark.

Growing up in London I didn't even notice the European immigrants in my class and could hardly exclude the 40% of the class who were descendents of South Asian immigrants, but this varies significantly around the country.

I expect compared to the USA there's much more reluctance to move when a child is 14-18 years old, unless they can be certain of a place in the French school in Copenhagen etc. But this is primarily because of the difference in exams and language.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#510

Post by MavisBacon »

mcv wrote: post #446
MavisBacon wrote: post #361

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Definitely this. I grew up outside Baltimore and went on to live in Boulder CO, Orange County CA, moved back home and then to LA on a whim. Finished school in Nashville, TN and my wife and I are about to get out and move to Maine. Zero red tape whatsoever- the flexibility and ease of traversing and moving around the USA is definitely awesome and rarely discussed in terms of the benefits of living here. There’s someth…

With freedom of movement, it's just as easy to move around the EU now. But I don't have to make a trade-off between safety and nightlife. But I've got to admit that Maine looks pretty safe according to https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/charts-and-maps

Not sure if there was much need for snark, I was simply stating some positive aspects of living in the U.S. (becoming increasingly difficult) - would be nice to not have the violence piece thrown in my face. There are also plenty of cities with “culture” and low levels of gun violence here. San Diego, Denver, Portland, Austin for example of bigger cities.

Some of us have family and friends here or simply can’t afford to live in or move to the EU if we wanted to.

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