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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#441

Post by HDThoreaun »

pastage wrote: post #276
libraryatnight wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cars are awful. I was fantasizing about an e-bike after reading a thread on HN, but in Phoenix, I'd die for sure. I do not feel safe around other cars in my car much less a bike. I really wish the US weren't so all in on cars. It's only getting worse with the oversized death-machine trucks saturating the roads. My in-laws are blind as bats and drive something that should require a commercial license.

Getting around on an electric bike will prolong your life. I bike on good infrastructure and it makes all the difference, you see kids bicycle 7km to soccer practice. Two months every year I go to an area such as you describe and while it feels dangerous it really isn't that bad. The stress can be bad if you let it, but as long as you accept it and try to see everything nice that happens you are ok. Try it out.

Have you been to phoenix? Ebikes are not an option.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#443

Post by subtra3t »

schlowmo wrote: post #84

One aspect of this which I find myself often think about is that it takes some deliberation with whom you want to spend your time when you get older if you're not living the usual family life. I'm in my thirties now and sometimes it feels like there's plenty of time to figure this out. But most of my closest friends are somewhat older than me. Almost none of them have started a family in the traditional sense. Most o…

Perhaps a possible drawback of such an arrangement could be that people change over time, and sometimes you just don't like the new person that they've become.

Maybe you were best friends with a guy 10 years ago. But gradually, the guy has changed fundamentally as a person, and you may not be as confortable with the guy as you used to be.

Hopelessly trying to continue the relationship would serve no purpose.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#444

Post by technothrasher »

nonethewiser wrote: post #5

Isn’t being friends with your neighbors a far more obvious answer to this? I thought that’s where this was going. > Sometime during the pandemic lockdowns, I began to nurture a fantasy,” Adrienne Matei writes. “What if I were neighbors with all of my friends? Every day, as I took long walks through North Vancouver that were still nowhere near long enough to land me at a single pal’s doorstep, I would reflect on the p…

> Isn’t being friends with your neighbors a far more obvious answer to this?

It's great when it turns out your neighbors are good people. I live in a rural area, on a 1/4 mile driveway up a wooded hill, and I'm very lucky that the other two families living up on the hill with us are great folks. We all hang out together, celebrate holidays together, share each other's properties like it is one big compound, and raised each other's kids. We've basically become one big family. It was a huge benefit in fighting off loneliness during covid to be able to be one big 'pod'.

But the last place I lived, the neighbors were kind of jerks, and after trying to be friendly with them for a while I just gave up. As they were the only neighbors around, I was kind of stuck until I moved.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#445

Post by detourdog »

mtalantikite wrote: post #402
jbullock35 wrote: post #329

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Multiple bookstores in a U.S. town of 2000 people? Is it a college town?

There are a lot of small towns like that in western massachusetts, which are in proximity to the five colleges, but aren't in them. Places like Montague or Shelburne Falls have areas of density in town that you can walk around in and get to things, and then you can drive 20-30 minutes into Amherst or Northampton or another larger town, closer to the universities. I went to school out there and have friends from the s…

Western Massachusetts is unique I have 2 world class art museums and a couple of other smaller museums within biking distance of my house.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#446

Post by mcv »

MavisBacon wrote: post #361
ptero wrote: post #347

Earlier quoted context omitted.

US certainly has its share of horrible cities. That said, US is a collection of regions with very different social setups and it is easy to move between them. It is common, as preferences change, for youngsters to live for a few years in one state, settle to raise children in another, then move as empty-nesters to third. If safety is what one is after, one can find a place that is super safe, comparable on safety to…

Definitely this. I grew up outside Baltimore and went on to live in Boulder CO, Orange County CA, moved back home and then to LA on a whim. Finished school in Nashville, TN and my wife and I are about to get out and move to Maine. Zero red tape whatsoever- the flexibility and ease of traversing and moving around the USA is definitely awesome and rarely discussed in terms of the benefits of living here. There’s someth…

With freedom of movement, it's just as easy to move around the EU now. But I don't have to make a trade-off between safety and nightlife.

But I've got to admit that Maine looks pretty safe according to https://www.gunviolencearchive.org/charts-and-maps

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#447

Post by spaceman_2020 »

balfirevic wrote: post #278
spaceman_2020 wrote: post #250

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. In the big cities, of course, everyone plans ahead. Which is great for productivity but pretty awful for socializing. Urban culture revolves around productivity, while in smaller towns here, everyone seems happy being non-productive if it means keeping their social life.

> At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. I consider myself pretty sociable, but holly shit that sounds like a nightmare.

It was a lot of fun when I was younger and didn’t have any responsibilities. You never even needed to go anywhere or spend any money.

I wouldn’t want that now but my school friends always say that if they ever manage to retire early, they’ll all move back to our hometown and do that random hanging out thing all over again.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#448

Post by kjkjadksj »

nonethewiser wrote: post #5

Isn’t being friends with your neighbors a far more obvious answer to this? I thought that’s where this was going. > Sometime during the pandemic lockdowns, I began to nurture a fantasy,” Adrienne Matei writes. “What if I were neighbors with all of my friends? Every day, as I took long walks through North Vancouver that were still nowhere near long enough to land me at a single pal’s doorstep, I would reflect on the p…

Back in the 50s generations were more in sync. A new neighborhood will be built and mostly GI families move in, so most kids have friends around their age. Fast forward to my experience growing up in those same neighborhoods in the 1990s, and most of my neighbors were elderly, part of that first wave and still there until they eventually pass. The whole neighborhood ends up desynchronized. Schools have closed because there aren’t nearly as many kids as in the 1950s to educate.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#449

Post by rrradical »

naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

I was just going to make a low effort "Cars." comment, but yours captures my answer in a nicer way.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#450

Post by nicbou »

treis wrote: post #349
nicbou wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most of Europe has a café culture. It is sorely missing from North America. You just sit outside and watch the world go by. Berlin in particular has lots of parks, and people can go there with drinks, grills, frisbees etc. The sheer number of them means that most people are within walking distance from one. It’s great to meet without spending money. Again, those are almost absent in most of North America. You have to…

You think parks are "almost absent" in North America?

The parks as I know them are.

In Germany, there is a park within walking distance, and usually a bike paths leading to it. You can also walk along numerous paths in the forest and along rivers.

In Canada, I would have to drive to them, or risk biking on busy roads. It boggles my mind that you have to drive to the place where you walk. These parks also tend to severely restrict what you can do, and when you can do it.

Sure, there is amazing nature if you can drive to it, but daily access to green spaces is sorely missing.

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