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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

401–410 of 572 posts

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#401

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> People really like having a 3,000 square foot detached single family home with a 2 car garage. Sure, I'd like that too. But also, how about 3000 square feet apartment with top-notch sound insulation and a balcony, with an underground garage? That sounds like it would have most of the benefits, I would actually prefer it, as I don't care about yards. And with 10-20 story buildings, you could still have quite a large…

No it’s missing the best part. The outdoors and having a huge backyard. You can’t have any hobbies like woodworking, metalworking, gardening/farming, animal husbandry etc. in that setup.

Cities subsidizing maker spaces would solve the wood/metal workign part of this well, and I live in a pretty dense part of the city that has a community garden down the street.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#402

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US anecdata: I also live in a small town of around 2000 in rural Massachusetts. Within the same walking distance I have: full elementary school (kindergarten through 6th grade), public tennis and basketball courts, a public indoor gym, a grocery store, several restaurants, several bookstores, several banks, a pharmacy, a bowling alley and a few more misc stores. We also have public transport to the nearest big town b…

Multiple bookstores in a U.S. town of 2000 people? Is it a college town?

There are a lot of small towns like that in western massachusetts, which are in proximity to the five colleges, but aren't in them. Places like Montague or Shelburne Falls have areas of density in town that you can walk around in and get to things, and then you can drive 20-30 minutes into Amherst or Northampton or another larger town, closer to the universities.

I went to school out there and have friends from the surrounding areas, it's nice if you're wanting something more rural but still near things. The key to it is a lot of the towns were built 100-200 or so years ago, when it actually was necessary to build close to each other in community.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#403

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I don’t see how having to buy all the tools yourself is any less commercial. In a hackspace you often get to access tools that you wouldn’t want to afford yourself.

With restricted access, at controlled hours, in a shared space subject to the whims of others. You're renting them. There are very few tools I can think of at least woodworking wise that I wouldn't "want" to afford myself. Particularly in the context that an urban home costs hundreds of thousands more than a suburban or rural one. Metalworking or something like that, maybe, I wouldn't know.

Maybe it’s just me but I quite like the community that’s built up around most makerspaces. People helping each other out, giving classes, showing off their projects. Seems absolutely worth the occasional misplaced tool.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#404
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post #265

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Most of Europe has a café culture. It is sorely missing from North America. You just sit outside and watch the world go by. Berlin in particular has lots of parks, and people can go there with drinks, grills, frisbees etc. The sheer number of them means that most people are within walking distance from one. It’s great to meet without spending money. Again, those are almost absent in most of North America. You have to…

Illegal to 'loiter' in a park ? What does legal use of it look like? Moving through at a swift pace with eyes straight ahead and a stamped permit that it's the most efficient path to your destination?

It's a delayed vestige of the "stranger danger" panic of the 80's and 90's. Being in a park without kids is considered suspicious in some places now. Fortunately, not where I live.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#405

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Yea, I think I feel this from the other direction. I'm not that much older than a lot of my friends, but I've lost many of them over the years to marriages and children. Many of them moved across the country or at least a large distance away to facilitate that, but even the ones who stayed nearby justifiably made their life about their spouse or children over their friends, and there was often little to be done to ke…

As I approach 40, I've learned that you can either loosen expectations and make new friends with those around you or be content with a dwindling friend group. Everyone changes over time and many (most?) friendships will not survive unless you are the "event organizer" of your friend group. The people who I was friends with a decade+ ago are completely different people (and so am I!), so its not too surprising that th…

I appreciate the perspective, and I certainly don't hold anything against the folks who have prioritized other things in their life. The difficulty I've found is often when there used to be some activity or hobby you did with someone, which then becomes harder to continue doing without them. If your usual tennis partner moves away to start a family, it's not just trying to find a new friend, it's trying to find a new friend you enjoy playing tennis with, or upending your schedule to now play less tennis, or stop playing tennis at all.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#406

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At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. In the big cities, of course, everyone plans ahead. Which is great for productivity but pretty awful for socializing. Urban culture revolves around productivity, while in smaller towns here, everyone seems happy being non-productive if it means keeping their social life.

> At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. I consider myself pretty sociable, but holly shit that sounds like a nightmare.

There are (unmentioned) norms here specific to your friend group. If your friends always come hang on Thursday night, that is about when they will show next week. They probably aren't going to pop by at 6am on Tuesday.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#407

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t see how having to buy all the tools yourself is any less commercial. In a hackspace you often get to access tools that you wouldn’t want to afford yourself.

With restricted access, at controlled hours, in a shared space subject to the whims of others. You're renting them. There are very few tools I can think of at least woodworking wise that I wouldn't "want" to afford myself. Particularly in the context that an urban home costs hundreds of thousands more than a suburban or rural one. Metalworking or something like that, maybe, I wouldn't know.

So I'll caveat this with "every makerspace is different" so it's definitely a YMMV situation, however hackspaces or makerspaces that have properly gone all in on the "movement" are typically not-for-profit organizations. (not all of them by any means, hence the caveat) but in my experience (as a UK'er with a typical UK family home) very few people can afford the dedicated space even a modest wood workshop requires. Most (average sized) homes here barely have garages, let alone a shed bigger than 6'x 4'. the best I can hope for in those situations is a small collection of hand tools and a rickety folding workbench.

In contrast to that I have a local makerspace that has more facilities than I could ever afford to own, along with actual space to DO the work on projects I want to do with actual solid workbenches and fixed tools like pillar drills (press), table saw/router, band saws. and that's just on the wood side. They also have a CNC router, metal and wood lathes, welding kit/space, [FRICKEN] laser cutter, 3D printers, electronics workbench with a 'scope more expensive than my car. A whole host of things I would never be able to afford either the cost or space to host.

And they have a phase of membership which permits 247 access (not extra cost, just a bit of familiarity) which by design also means it's a social space, so bringing back to the context of the OP, has meant good friendships are formed as new skills are acquired/shared.

Yes it's a monthly cost, but even if I added up the total cost since I've been a member, it doesn't add up to how much even one of the major tools would set me back. Even taking all that into account, it's given me an opportunity to learn things I would never have considered doing on my own. I joined for the 3D printing and stayed for the laser cutting, CNC milling, PCB designing/surface mount soldering, microcontroller learning, welding and friendships.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#408
post #390
post #349

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You think parks are "almost absent" in North America?

I feel like parks in most of the U.S. are dominated by activities. Sports, jungle gyms, etc. Often times there’s not a great place to just sit down and socialize.

every single park ive ever been to does in fact have this weird little thing called grass

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#409

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More Europe anecdata: I live in a small town of around 2000. Within 5-10 minutes walking I got: a restaurant, a cafe, a grocery store, pizzeria and kindergarten. Within 5-10 minutes of biking I have: public library, another grocery store, two bars and a restaurant. Public transport is readily available to take me to the neighbouring hustle-bustle (pop. 600'000) within 35 minutes. So my town is 50 times smaller than y…

US anecdata: I also live in a small town of around 2000 in rural Massachusetts. Within the same walking distance I have: full elementary school (kindergarten through 6th grade), public tennis and basketball courts, a public indoor gym, a grocery store, several restaurants, several bookstores, several banks, a pharmacy, a bowling alley and a few more misc stores. We also have public transport to the nearest big town b…

> Within the same walking distance

Aye, but I bet GP's home town in Spain is much more pleasant to walk in from November to March ;-)

That aside, there are some real gems among Western Mass towns! I wonder, with all the empty land in this country (even in places very hospitable to human life), if it's possible to found new towns built in the "European" model of a central plaza surrounded by multifamily, mixed-use developments within walking distance? Were I a billionaire, this is the sort of stuff I would explore.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#410
post #124

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Americans are friendly but when it comes to the decisions that matter (voting and the votes with our wallets) the preference is for the private over the public. People are scared to depend on each other or to be forced to interact with strangers. So we’ll all try to have our own cars and drive on huge suburban streets and put our kids in private schools and build fences around our yards and vote down zoning laws that…

If this is true, why is it illegal to build anything but low density suburbia in most places?

Well one example is infrastructure...if a formerly-rural area gets a gradual accumulation of homes, chances are they are all on septic systems...so people are using their property for waste water recycling, and there is a limit to how dense this type of living can be.

I grew up just outside a decent-sized city in Canada, now living in Texas...both places, on septic. Its not rare.

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