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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#331

Post by jerrre »

vkou wrote: post #221
hibikir wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If anything, you are being too nice to US suburbs: It's perfectly possible to have towns that are much denser than any US suburb. My Spanish home town has about 100K inhabitants: You'd not call that a city anywhere in the US. And yet, It's basically a circle with a one mile radius: Yes, just one mile. In that situation, one can walk everywhere, and public transportation is limited to the elderly, people carrying heav…

> When your average building is 6 stories tall, and your typical street is 30 feet wide building to building, a quarter mile circle holds a lot of families! Someone walking through a six-story downtown is, by such a measurement, traveling faster than a car traveling at ~90 mph through suburbia. (Of course, a car can't travel that quickly through suburbia.)

very interesting way to look at it!

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#332

Post by [deleted] »

herbst wrote: post #280
throwaway22032 wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Heh. I live in a city and more and more I feel this. The whole idea behind urbanism seems to be - give up the outdoors, give up hobbies that require tools and space. Go to the bar. Or a "makerspace" where you can have controlled use of someone else's tools. Rent this, rent that, take an uber here and there. It's just so commercialised.

I live far remotely in a big house and can confirm. Things that came naturally to me: - Way more time in and with nature - New hobbies, lot of space to try things - Plenty of tools. My 'Makerspace' is what takes up most of my house at this point

[deleted]

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#333

Post by [deleted] »

emodendroket wrote: post #149

This article casts moving far away from home as some great tragedy but about the last place I'd want to go again is my hometown. I certainly don't feel like there are such close friends there that it's like they are long-lost family (and, you know, your actual family sometimes it's kind of mixed too). I think the article also doesn't consider another possibility that I would toss in there: your friends and you may no…

[deleted]

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#334

Post by marcus0x62 »

alwayslikethis wrote: post #313
OJFord wrote: post #281

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In the UK you would barely even have neighbours if that were the case, it would be properly rural, US 'suburban sprawl' needs a different word IMO, it's a housing estate basically (though that implies social housing) but a spectacularly isolated/car-assuming one.

Yeah. In other countries, suburbs are essentially just less dense parts of the town, but still has most of what makes a town a town. Suburban US is not much different from desolate rural areas minus the farms.

I grew up in a rural area and currently live in a suburb… They are worlds apart in terms of:

* Proximity to (non-farm) work * Available public/private schools * Municipal amenities like parks and libraries * Basic retail services - groceries, clothing stores, etc. * Social activities/clubs

In short, other than needing a car to get around both places, they don’t have much in common at all.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#335

Post by mcv »

wincy wrote: post #137
dopidopHN wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think it’s unconventional, it’s just a definition of suburbs. Worse of both world in my book. Unless you want to raise your kid in isolation.

How? My eight year old daughter gets to roam free and has seven or eight different kids she plays with on a weekly basis. A few of them daily. We’re not worried about her getting carried off because the area is super safe. We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house. It’s also very diverse, her f…

> We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house.

That's not specific to cities. My wife grew up on a farm, where neighbours lived a hundred meters away, and her brother had an entire chunk bitten out of his leg by a neighbour's dog. I grew up in a village, and I was terrified of some of the dogs there.

We live in a city now, and although we live in a street with a lot of dogs (to the dismay of my cynophobic kids), all dogs are very well behaved.

> The American suburbs are an excellent place to raise children.

I guess it varies. I've heard stories of American parents having CPS called on them merely for having their children play outside. Many American suburbs don't have the bike paths or even sidewalks necessary for kids to get around.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#336

Post by mcv »

ptero wrote: post #300
Aa9C4xPz43Gg7k6 wrote: post #260

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, American suburbs are good enough compared to American cities that are just filthy. Cities outside of US are just fine for raising children.

> Cities outside of US are just fine for raising children. Idk, there are many cities outside the US where I wouldn't want to stay more than absolutely necessary, let alone raise children.

There's a lot of dangerous cities in the world. Lots of countries have weak governments unable to keep the peace, with social life disrupted by crime, strife, unrest, distrust. But there are also lots of countries that are much, much safer than the US.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#337

Post by detourdog »

dugmartin wrote: post #319
jesperlang wrote: post #243

Earlier quoted context omitted.

More Europe anecdata: I live in a small town of around 2000. Within 5-10 minutes walking I got: a restaurant, a cafe, a grocery store, pizzeria and kindergarten. Within 5-10 minutes of biking I have: public library, another grocery store, two bars and a restaurant. Public transport is readily available to take me to the neighbouring hustle-bustle (pop. 600'000) within 35 minutes. So my town is 50 times smaller than y…

US anecdata: I also live in a small town of around 2000 in rural Massachusetts. Within the same walking distance I have: full elementary school (kindergarten through 6th grade), public tennis and basketball courts, a public indoor gym, a grocery store, several restaurants, several bookstores, several banks, a pharmacy, a bowling alley and a few more misc stores. We also have public transport to the nearest big town b…

More or less the same demographics and same experience. The North Western Mass town I'm in was founded as the gateway to the west. It is nestled in low land between three mountain ranges. Our side of one range drains to the Atlantic through Hudson River the other side drains to the Long Island Sound. The public transportation is tough for us if you want to leave town. We are so mobile that I find it an odd expectation to live close to your friends.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#338

Post by DanTheManPR »

brianjking wrote: post #39

First I'd have to understand how to make some friends as a 37 year old man who works entirely remotely. I'm trying on Bumble BFF mode, but not having tons of luck.

One way to do it is through hobby groups which meet IRL. You can make friends in the hobby-space there, and then gradually start inviting them to things that are not related to the hobby (becoming more of a true friend).

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#339

Post by eertami »

Yizahi wrote: post #239
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

While I also like "Not Just Bikes" and this idea in general, I must say that urbanists sometimes make this mistake - living right next to a dozen of people next door and a hundred more in the same building doesn't mean that you will talk to them. I've lived in the apartment for all my life and changed it last year. I have no idea who are the people next door to me, I don't know their names and the whole social intera…

The benefit isn't so much that you can be friends with your neighbours, but that the density makes all distances shorter and by extension your friends are still much closer.

In a suburb many of my friends would be 15+ minutes away by car. In the city I live in now (almost entirely apartments/multi-household buildings), almost all of my friends are within a 15 minute walk. It has been a massive improvement to my social life, mostly due to the ease at which gatherings can spontaneously/easily occur.

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