There is another update:
https://lukasrosenstock.net/2023/04/12/the-word-asexual.html
I’ve been single all my life
401–410 of 443 posts
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#402Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting, I hadn't heard about research into how introversion affects dating outcomes. Can you post the sources you're relying on here? I want to read more on this.
Sounds like he made a few claims: 1) "An introverted woman will still get approached by men", 2) "Introverted men, on the other hand, often just don't pursue women, especially if they have low testosterone (or sex drive) as the OP probably does", 3) "In most cultures men are expected to do the initial approach", 4) "introverted men are often very bad at reading women's signals", 5) "women just don't need to signal th…
I was asking for a source that showed that introverted women had happier outcomes ("results") than introverted men in dating.
Introverted women probably get hit on more ("more offers"), but using that to conclude that they see better outcomes is like saying it's a good thing that my dating life is successful because my inbox is filled with unsolicited dick pics.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#403I haven't been single all my life, but the relationships I have had have taught me things that makes it easier to be single. I remember the good times fondly, but the bad times remind me why being single isn't so bad.
How many years has it been since your last bad experience? Because I used to relate to this sentiment, but with time (a decade), it all disappears, and whilst not on speaking terms, all is forgiven from my end. People talk about "personal growth", and whilst I wrote it off as hogwash, actually, no, letting go of the past is a huge part of that. It can be done.
The big one was about 10 years ago and I agree with you about letting go of the past. I'm no longer angry or bitter. I got into another serious relationship a few years ago and it didn't end well either but not as bad. I found myself not as affected by it. Both taught me a lot. Where I am now I'm happy to be single, I can do what I want. Nobody to argue with or plan my weekend for me. I'm open to another relationship in the future but I'm not really looking for one and I see things in potential relationships differently and with more skepticism.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#404I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…
Introversion has drastically different effects for men and women in the dating market. An introverted woman will still get approached by men, so even if she intentionally opts out of dating, she can always opt back in pretty much on the fly if a guy she likes approaches her. So she will still get relationships, if she wants them. Introverted men, on the other hand, often just don't pursue women, especially if they ha…
(just looking at heterosexuals as you are doing,) every time a man forms a relationship with a woman, a woman also forms a relationship with a man. So, "different outcomes" for men and women are bounded by the roughly equal numbers of men and women, and the number of single men will come out the same as the number of single women*, so any impact that introversion of either sex has will also play out in the other sex. So, if introverted women are getting more relationships than introverted men, then there a bunch of extroverted women who are not getting relationships.
*women tending to date men older than them and vice versa does mean that in an increasing population there might be more women in a particular dating pool than men than one would otherwise expect, but there might be negative feedback in the form of more pressure for age-reverse relationships to take up the slack
btw, this type of reasoning also applies to many other relationship canards like "men are more promiscuous than women", because no, not possible
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#405Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sounds like he made a few claims: 1) "An introverted woman will still get approached by men", 2) "Introverted men, on the other hand, often just don't pursue women, especially if they have low testosterone (or sex drive) as the OP probably does", 3) "In most cultures men are expected to do the initial approach", 4) "introverted men are often very bad at reading women's signals", 5) "women just don't need to signal th…
I was asking for a source that showed that introverted women had happier outcomes ("results") than introverted men in dating. Introverted women probably get hit on more ("more offers"), but using that to conclude that they see better outcomes is like saying it's a good thing that my dating life is successful because my inbox is filled with unsolicited dick pics.
The primary argument was that it makes it a voluntary decision for them ("opt back in"), because they'd have the opportunity. It doesn't mention that those are necessarily great opportunities, but we usually consider having opportunities better than not having them.
If you're unemployed and you get an offer a week, you're better off than if you didn't get any offers, even if those offers aren't great. Options > no options.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#406Earlier quoted context omitted.
As someone wiser than me once commented -- nobody is going to knock on your door. If you want to meet people, you have to get out there and do things that put you around people.
> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.
Try a co-ed bowling league, or stop by your local pub on karaoke night and you'll be astonished at how many women are there.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#407Earlier quoted context omitted.
> So my advice to Rosenstock would be to seek another dedicated introvert. With respect; why? 40 years ago the future looked very different. None of you felt urgency regarding global warming, faced the same cost of living fiasco, spread of drought, fire, mass migrations, political instability, and whatever conspiracy driven idiocy social media will unleash next. There is no divine mandate humanity carry on a particul…
No, but there was the constant looming possibility of nuclear annihilation.
terrifyingly, a situation in which the lucky ones would have been the ones to die in the blasts
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#408I guess I've been a "volcel" for almost 4 years now after an almost 20 year relationship. I have pretty mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I get lonely, intensely lonely at times. And I miss the companionship I had (before it got awful.) On the other hand, I have so much time now to just focus on myself and my kids and my career and hobbies and my mental well being. I've increased my income a lot in the last y…
A relationship can end like that after 20 years? Oh my god. That's basically my whole life. I can't imagine sharing that much of my life, that much time, with another person and then the relationship ending on our terms. Like, they didn't die, or they didn't drink a vial of cancer serum accidentally and whoops I have cancer now I'm dying bye. It ended because you started hating each other? After all that time? That's…
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Re: I’ve been single all my life
#409> Also, if it doesn’t work out, I’m scared of leaving a broken heart in another person.
I used to have the same worry when I was younger. I think it came from overestimating the fragility of the average person, and underestimating their ability to deal with it. People can cope with more than you think. And so can you.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#410I guess I've been a "volcel" for almost 4 years now after an almost 20 year relationship. I have pretty mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I get lonely, intensely lonely at times. And I miss the companionship I had (before it got awful.) On the other hand, I have so much time now to just focus on myself and my kids and my career and hobbies and my mental well being. I've increased my income a lot in the last y…
You need to go talk to women in some sort of public setting, rather than expecting them to show up in the office. Don't just accept being lonely.
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