371–380 of 443 posts
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> Given that the divorce rate in my community is less than 1% we're probably doing something right. FYI the divorce rate worldwide is less than 1% (it's actually much lower, around 0.4%).
We live in the US, where the success of a marriage is closer to a coin toss. It's pretty abaurd to try to take the average from across the world in this case.
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Same way you meet any type of human. Participate in activities where socialization is a part of the activity, either intentionally or not; and actively socialize when the opportunity presents itself. As a basic filter for activities, look for things where many people participate in physical proximity, the activity has periods of intense focus and then lulls, and without a taboo on talking. It helps if the activity at…
For many men who frequent HN "Participate in activities where socialization is part of the activity" without further qualification would mean many activities where few to no single heterosexual women are present.
First, dress like Harry Styles. Then, go to a Harry Styles concert, where the gender ratio is guaranteed to be in your favor. Then say "hey what's your name?" to any given girl/woman. The girl woman will inevitably interrogate you, it doesn't matter what the question is, the answer is "I admire Harry's fashion sense, i'm a bit obsessed, are you into fashion?"
Boom, match made.
The issue I used to have (and still have) is a yearning for the world to be different and for the female sex to be not so mid.
A huge percent of the women you are interested in have been obsessed with that guy for the last 10 years or more (specifically 2011 when "That's What Makes You Beautiful" song was released) If you can drug or drink yourself into becomig mid, you have nailed the secret strategy that all the guys with cute girls have achieved.
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Introversion has drastically different effects for men and women in the dating market. An introverted woman will still get approached by men, so even if she intentionally opts out of dating, she can always opt back in pretty much on the fly if a guy she likes approaches her. So she will still get relationships, if she wants them. Introverted men, on the other hand, often just don't pursue women, especially if they ha…
> An introverted woman will still get approached by men, I'm an introverted man and all 4 women that have hit on me in my lifetime have been those I didn't feel similarly about. I imagine the ratio for women is similar. Just because she can jump back into the sea, doesn't mean she can summon new types of fish.
I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…
This really got me thinking after recently coming across it:
"The mind is a fire to be kindled, not a vessel to be filled." ~ Plutarch
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This reminds me about how most people think that the drivers in their area are the worst drivers anywhere. "We all tend to mistake the limits of our experience for the limits of the world"
Having lived in different countries, there are a huge regional differences in how highly people regard the rules of the road and look out for other vehicles and pedestrians.
What I'm saying is that the vast majority of people think that place is where they live.
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> People get upset when you point this out, but they don't get upset because it's the truth, they get upset because of what they think the consequences of people knowing that truth will be. Or they get upset because they aren't Nihilists and believe in some form of personal meaning besides perpetuating the species?
Or because people conflate statements from biological and societal domains, when they should be separating them.
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depression and shyness are not the same, get drunk and go act stupid like everybody else
I'm over 30. 2 years ago I was drunk, on coke and had a girl naked in front of me saying "Fuck me" and I still managed to botch it. This only happened once I normally manage to run as soon as I sense that a girl may be interested in me. It's not easy for some people.
On another hand, I feel a bit like the blog post, in that I'm not extra motivated into trying this, maybe also a bit worried to break somebody's heart (this includes, potentially, mine), or to be stuck in a situation I don't really like for too long. If I think through that deeply I'm not sure I even find that much upside. Anyway I really like his wording, it speaks to me quite a bit.
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As someone wiser than me once commented -- nobody is going to knock on your door. If you want to meet people, you have to get out there and do things that put you around people.
If you want those people to like you, you have to be relaxed and confident, which means you have to genuinely enjoy and be good at the thing. I like & am good at a reasonable spread of activities, some of which I can even do with friends, but the only ones that bring me new connections are work or work-adjacent. The activities known for meeting people contain nothing I'd actually do for its own sake. Maybe nerdy peop…
I would say you should enjoy doing the thing, but you don't have to be even a little good at it.
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Off topic, but as an introvert lurking in an introvert thread, I want to say: this is true professionally, too. My boss's boss's boss put it this way: no one is spinning around in his chair at his desk, twiddling his thumbs, thinking, "_When_ will Tom ask me to meet over coffee?" But if you send him a note, and ask politely, and convey earnestness, odds are good he will meet you for coffee.
Another way of looking at things is "just ask". What's the worst that'll happen? They say no, you lost nothing, gained nothing. But there's a surprising # of yeses out there to be had. Which reminds me, I once asked this beautiful woman out, not thinking she'd say yes, but she did. We had a good run.
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As someone wiser than me once commented -- nobody is going to knock on your door. If you want to meet people, you have to get out there and do things that put you around people.
> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.