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Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

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Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#111

Post by Gordonjcp »

You can learn social skills. This will allow you to scale your response to the general tone of the conversation. Let me pick three examples from my own job:

"So what do you do?"

1 - "I work for the fire brigade, in the technical bit, I'm not a firefighter. It's good fun though, you get to go and play in the fire station every day!"

2 - "I work on communications equipment for the fire brigade, all the radios, phones, networking stuff, that kind of thing"

3 - "I look after all the paging, radios, phones, networking, control rooms and anything else with a network connection for the third biggest Fire and Rescue Service in the world. It's pretty involved, with a lot of responsibility."

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#112

Post by WastingMyTime89 »

huffmsa wrote: post #82
capableweb wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the peopl…

If anyone's ever asked: - what do you do? - where do you live? - are you married? - have any kids? They're asking about your money and your sex life.

Well, no, they are asking about what your life looks life and what fills it. It’s also subjects which open easy way to relate to someone: “we both have kids”, “we work in related fields/they work in the same field that someone I know”, “we both like this sport”, “we have been around/travelled to the same place”. That offers a wide breadth of conversation starters.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#113

Post by throwaway290 »

verelo wrote: post #109
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I try play a game when i meet a new person: see how long i can go without discussing work with them. The best new connections tend to take the longest to reach work, it’s often a signal of a lazy conversation starter and like you said just an attempt to size up our social status.

Same here but with "where are you from".

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#114

Post by cj »

clnq wrote: post #77
flybrand wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I’s favorite game when meeting new people is to try and go as long as possible without talking about our work or asking about theirs. It makes it so much more interesting when careers / jobs finally enter the dialog.

Around a decade ago, I stopped asking people the basic questions, like what they do, where they're from, how old they are, or their gender and pronouns when that is unclear. I find that it's irrelevant and will bias the relationship for no good reason. I had a good friend with whom I mostly kept in touch over the phone and online for many years, and I didn't know their name until they died and I got a call from their…

Not to sound insensitive, but how is it possible to consider someone a good friend without knowing the person’s name?

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#116

Post by leroy-is-here »

clnq wrote: post #77
flybrand wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I’s favorite game when meeting new people is to try and go as long as possible without talking about our work or asking about theirs. It makes it so much more interesting when careers / jobs finally enter the dialog.

Around a decade ago, I stopped asking people the basic questions, like what they do, where they're from, how old they are, or their gender and pronouns when that is unclear. I find that it's irrelevant and will bias the relationship for no good reason. I had a good friend with whom I mostly kept in touch over the phone and online for many years, and I didn't know their name until they died and I got a call from their…

How did you manage to have a phone friend without knowing their name? You’re gonna have to tell that story.

I absolutely agree btw, people are more than just their job. And most hate, or are disinterested, in their work. I’m interested them _them_, not their occupation.

But it’s no secret that many, especially here, make their occupation a fundamental aspect of themselves.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#117

Post by ModernMech »

huffmsa wrote: post #82
capableweb wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the peopl…

If anyone's ever asked: - what do you do? - where do you live? - are you married? - have any kids? They're asking about your money and your sex life.

They are making small talk by asking anodyne questions.

If a stranger asks you “are you married and do you have kids?” and you respond by telling them about your sex life, they will end the conversation with you.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#118

Post by plagiarist »

verelo wrote: post #109
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I try play a game when i meet a new person: see how long i can go without discussing work with them. The best new connections tend to take the longest to reach work, it’s often a signal of a lazy conversation starter and like you said just an attempt to size up our social status.

I have some anxiety so I recognize it as people looking for a safe topic in hopes of striking some common ground. It is still lazy conversation skills and boring for everyone involved. I wish I wasn't like that, but inferring from past events I won't change any time soon.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#119

Post by circlefavshape »

huffmsa wrote: post #82
capableweb wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've talked with endless amount of people, people I know since before and people I don't know since before, and I don't think anyone (unless relevant to the discussion at hand) has asked me how much money I make, or who I'm sleeping with. Maybe it's because I'm not 16 years old, or maybe it's because I don't frequent night clubs in hot metropolitan areas anymore, but that strikes me as very odd that most of the peopl…

If anyone's ever asked: - what do you do? - where do you live? - are you married? - have any kids? They're asking about your money and your sex life.

Oh ffs! No they're not! These questions are attempts to establish a connection to you - maybe you work in a similar field to them (or one that they find interesting), or grew up near to them, or have kids the same age.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#120

Post by donatj »

version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

You can really just give your title and a little flavor. I generally say “Oh, I’m a software developer for an educational company. I work on a reading app.” and that’s usually all there is to that unless they ask follow-up questions; I would say that’s less than a third of the time.

Every once in a while you get the hyper-interested person who asks a ton of follow-ups but they’re at least usually actually listening.

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