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‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

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Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#111

Post by belter »

Buttons840 wrote: post #102
belter wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see the number of priests abusing children, and take that as an example that, neither religion made them a better person, neither they seem afraid of the after life they preach about...

Your comment started a tangential discussion, but it's not really relevant to what I said. The fact that religion personally helps me with my death anxiety isn't changed by the flaws of religion. I know there are flaws, I know it's probably all made up, I keep a healthy distance, but again, none of this changes the fact that it helps my anxiety. Humans have been making up beliefs to help with death for a long time, a…

I hope that will help you, in the common journey we are all on, and from which we are not likely to escape.

The problem is most religions, under the presentation of being about the after, are very much all about imposing, some kind of sometimes very light, sometimes very strong, anxious tyranny on the shared societal present.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#112

Post by sudhirc »

labrador wrote: post #58

I follow author Joyce Carol Oates on Twitter (we're about the same age) and she said something that liberated me. About memoirs she said something like "nobody reads them, not even your own family." I realized that was true because I know someone who wrote one and nobody cared. It freed me up so I could really get the message of Ram Dass in "Becoming Nobody." I used to work in health care and once there was a patient…

May be this is why Bhagwat Gita suggests living like a Yogi. Dispatch all your duties, do everything but never get attached to anything, not even your kids.

नैव किञ्चित्करोमीति युक्तो मन्येत तत्त्ववित् | पश्यञ्शृण्वन्स्पृशञ्जिघ्रन्नश्नन्गच्छन्स्वपञ्श्वसन् ||5.8|| प्रलपन्विसृजन्गृह्ण्न्नुन्मिषन्निमिषन्नपि | इन्द्रियाणीन्द्रियार्थेषु वर्तन्त इति धारयन् ||5.9||

Those steadfast in karm yog, always think, “I am not the doer,” even while engaged in seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, moving, sleeping, breathing, speaking, excreting, grasping, and opening or closing the eyes. With the light of divine knowledge, they see that it is only the material senses that are moving amongst their objects.

Ancient Indians divided the life into 4 phases namely Brahmcharya(learning phase), Grihasth(family life), Sanyas(detachment), Vanprasth(leaving for Jungle).Last phase emphasised on living and dying alone in the Jungle away from family and fame. Modern Indians have lost these messages primarily because they have stopped reading.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#113

Post by dsfyu404ed »

htag wrote: post #91
Kye wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You have to really work at it to truly die alone. Someone somewhere is going to remember you fondly unless you were a complete asshole. This is often the fate of lifetime narcissists who no longer have the energy or presence of mind to maintain the façade. Even the most vicious of bigots have well-wishers at their funerals. You have to mess up hard to be less liked than a Fred Phelps type.

I think living a long time can go a long way in increasing levels of 'alone' when you die. Age of death is probably the single most predictive variable for how many people attend a funeral. Let's discuss someone that lives a long time above the median lifespan. Maybe 95. Almost all of their former classmates, colleagues, siblings, cousins, partners, and peers are either dead or too sick to travel to the hospital/fune…

The most attended funeral I ever went to was for a man who lived to almost 95.

He lived in the same town his whole adult life. Everyone his generation was dead but he had made so many friends, business relationships neighbors and acquaintances over the years it didn't matter. Also helps that he had 9 kids which equates to a lot of grand children and great grand children.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#114

Post by dsfyu404ed »

CrazyPyroLinux wrote: post #43
cinntaile wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And nevertheless the percentage of priests abusing children is lower than the percentage of school children doing the same. Are you sure this is what you mean?

Probably referring to teachers.

Probably still technically correct with the typo.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#115

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

labrador wrote: post #58

I follow author Joyce Carol Oates on Twitter (we're about the same age) and she said something that liberated me. About memoirs she said something like "nobody reads them, not even your own family." I realized that was true because I know someone who wrote one and nobody cared. It freed me up so I could really get the message of Ram Dass in "Becoming Nobody." I used to work in health care and once there was a patient…

They will read a memoir that you write about them. For instance, if you have a child, write a memoir about his/her childhood years from your perspective.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#116

Post by thomk »

I have found some solace in gardening that helps me accept mortality.

Life and death is around you every day in a garden.

When you start seeds, some turn to seedlings, some don't. Some seedlings die, some live. If you are as bad of a gardener as I am, you plant triple the seeds so hopefully some germinate and grow, the weak ones I just pluck out and compost. Some of those seedlings thrive and become big healthy plants, some never really amount to much and they die early. Blight killed a lot of tomato plants a few years ago. The soil is teeming with life that is thriving because of decaying (dead) plant matter. I few years ago I bought 500 worms for the garden. They eat dying plant matter and turn it into amazing compost. Some worms died before I could get them in the ground, some helped my cucumbers grow to 15' tall. Living, but, destructive pests do not live long in my garden, but helpful insects are welcome. I plant a pollinator garden just for them. Then, at the end of the season everything dies. In the spring it all stars again. You get to see the entire circle of life play out every day and then again every season. It has a training effect on me. Some people go to church for answers, I water tomato plants.

It has given some comfort to know I'm part of a bigger organism and my death will perpetuate life of another kind, if I choose to let my body feed life.

Also, if you are young and reading this, when you hit 50, and/or when you have kids, that's when mortality really hits you. But that's when you are (usually) most able to positively impact others. The point of life is to have kids and perpetuate our species. The meaning of life is to help others. I mean locally, help other people. People near you. Your mother or your neighbor or the mailman. Maybe you have little impact on the entire world but you can make a huge impact on a person very near you. Do that enough and when you are dying one day you will think of their faces and the faces of the kids you helped and accept the unknown and that you did the best you could.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#117

Post by wucaworld »

sudhirc wrote: post #112
labrador wrote: post #58

I follow author Joyce Carol Oates on Twitter (we're about the same age) and she said something that liberated me. About memoirs she said something like "nobody reads them, not even your own family." I realized that was true because I know someone who wrote one and nobody cared. It freed me up so I could really get the message of Ram Dass in "Becoming Nobody." I used to work in health care and once there was a patient…

May be this is why Bhagwat Gita suggests living like a Yogi. Dispatch all your duties, do everything but never get attached to anything, not even your kids. नैव किञ्चित्करोमीति युक्तो मन्येत तत्त्ववित् | पश्यञ्शृण्वन्स्पृशञ्जिघ्रन्नश्नन्गच्छन्स्वपञ्श्वसन् ||5.8|| प्रलपन्विसृजन्गृह्ण्न्नुन्मिषन्निमिषन्नपि | इन्द्रियाणीन्द्रियार्थेषु वर्तन्त इति धारयन् ||5.9|| Those steadfast in karm yog, always think, “I am not the do…

Any resources (e.g. YouTube videos, books) you can suggest? At a challenging point in life and this resonates.

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#118

Post by metadat »

Dalewyn wrote: post #64
sireat wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There was a tour of Grant Imahara's workshop two years ago https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=28633605 I was struck by how fantastic everything looked, this was what a dream workshop would look like. However the man behind it was gone and it was inevitable that this amazing workshop would slowly wither away just like everything else. This was the "best" case scenario - living on in a memory for maybe a few more dec…

I did not know Grant Imahara had passed away. I feel a big hole in my childhood now. May he rest in peace.

Grant is not the only Myth Buster to have died young.

Jessi Combs* also died recently setting a land speed record in a jet car.

* Edit: whoops, thanks for the correction

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#119

Post by the_doctah »

metadat wrote: post #118
Dalewyn wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did not know Grant Imahara had passed away. I feel a big hole in my childhood now. May he rest in peace.

Grant is not the only Myth Buster to have died young. Jessi Combs* also died recently setting a land speed record in a jet car. * Edit: whoops, thanks for the correction

Jessi Combs not Kari Byron

Re: ‘Preparing to die has a lot to do with having had a good life’

#120

Post by Clubber »

metadat wrote: post #118
Dalewyn wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I did not know Grant Imahara had passed away. I feel a big hole in my childhood now. May he rest in peace.

Grant is not the only Myth Buster to have died young. Jessi Combs* also died recently setting a land speed record in a jet car. * Edit: whoops, thanks for the correction

It was Jessi Combs who died recently, not Kari Byron. There was good documentary on her.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jessi_Combs

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt22687772/

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