Ask HN: How do you handle your “personality” at work?

Kind of difficult title to write but this is constantly something that's on my mind in the professional sense. I'm a software dev and don't have concerns with my technical abilities per se but am always second guessing how I behave or present my personality at work. I'm always professional and that's not explicitly a concern but am rather focused about "showing too much personality". I've literally always wanted to work as an engineer since I was a child and am genuinely happy and grateful to be able to work in a technical role (am the type who does not _optimize_ for pay because I gain more enjoyment just doing the job - yes pay is important too and that's not lost on me).

To elaborate on this I'd describe myself as usually "excitable" or "jolly" in social situations because I genuinely enjoy talking/conversing with others and hearing what they have to say etc. This often isn't focused on "personal subjects" (unless appropriate) but rather technical topics (much of why I enjoy HN and other technical/applied-knowledge forums).

My conflict is that behaving like this just doesn't feel right. I almost feel that "showing personality" gives others the impression I am lacking technical skills or don't take things seriously. The majority of people I've worked with in engineering positions seem so calm, composed, and stoic. I find these character traits admirable but they don't necessarily come naturally to me. I worry that during interviews I come across as a "risky hire" and the behavior described is "holding me back" in some way.

This was mostly a rant up to now and it's nice to organize thoughts and get to "what's the point of writing this"?

I think working in/at/for an Organization is partially about "conforming" to the group and being able to fit-in (or just not sticking out). This can be relevant for career advancement among other things. At the end of all this I just feel that I don't fit-in.

This is probably a double-edged sword and others may feel a similar way about things in reverse.

Regardless, am curious if others feel/have felt this way and if there are thoughts about this dynamic in general.

cheers

> but am rather focused about "showing too much personality"

Don't confuse colleagues with friends. Colleagues can become friends if your vibe matches theirs, but don't equate colleagues with friends.

For sure, I don't identify that to be a source of friction nor am I seeking to become true friends with colleagues. Am a friendly person in general though

Don't necessarily "care" but do take thoughts into consideration, how else can we improve or change our existing ways? Do really wish I could not give a fock though sometimes, it can be cool when people behave that way but can also lead to disastrous consequences. That's a great point about innocent behavior, am super careful on this and truly act in way that I think is professional and appropriate - am not unhinged or anything. This is a topic of conversation I make sure to have with peers and managers and have no reason to believe my behavior is inappropriate, nor has this been a problem for me in the past. Thanks for the comment

In industries like tech which have a large percentage of non-neurotypical (not quite sure how to describe it - suggestions?) people, it's fairly common to have a "work" and "home" version of yourself. It's exhausting but necessary.

For example, someone who might suffer from depression/anxiety/bipolar or a dozen other conditions will have to look in the mirror and put a smile on before meeting their colleagues each day.

The stigma around conditions can very quickly change the opinion of colleagues/management (whether intentional or not) and could result in situations like "Can we trust Joe Bloggs to finish X on time for client Y, or will he be in the middle of another depressive episode for which _we_ all need to pick up the slack? Is this a risk we can take?"

Before you know it, Joe Bloggs is on a "Perfomance Improvement Plan", and because he didn't raise his condition/illness before with HR (through fear it would haunt him)... Joe Bloggs is quickly out the door.

I would go so far as to say it's the norm in tech for a large number to have a different work/home personality.