Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

221–230 of 323 posts

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#221

Post by Schroedingers2c »

chordalkeyboard wrote: post #67

> I also grew up in a dysfunctional family environment (toxic parent relationship, some narcissistic/borderline traits in them) and have been struggling with the consequences of that on my development and mental health. I know what you mean here. Victims of narcissistic abuse often become vulnerable narcissists and codependents, deferring their own needs for those of others until the damage becomes too great to ignor…

Yep, one of the slightly less healthy aspects of my relationship was that last year we got quite codependent (I believe, though, influenced my a few external influences, but not only).

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#222

Post by Schroedingers2c »

wsc981 wrote: post #41

This is a long story and I am not sure if it will be useful to you (or anyone else for that matter), but I'll post it here anyways. I lost both my parents and sister in a car accident, about 20 years ago. I was raised in a close family with good parents, so losing those people was hard for me. Afterwards got in a depression. I'd guess my depression lasted about 7 years. One of the main reasons that made this loss so…

Wow, interesting life story!

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#223

Post by Schroedingers2c »

programmertote wrote: post #141

I have hit rock bottom about three times in life. One was losing my dad when I was 11-12 years old. I couldn't do much to get out of the slump because I was too young. It was my mom who led the family and took on the role of breadwinner+emotional support for her three kids. I genuinely owe her a lot for her resilience in such a different time for our family. Second time was when my first girlfriend whom, like in your…

Thanks man! Really appreciate sharing your story!

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#224

Post by wonderwonder »

I'm not going to tell you that other people have it way worse than you because its not relevant. for you this is awful and devastating and I respect that.

Uncomplicate your life. Choose 2 or 3 things that are core and spend a year or so focused just on those.

Fitness, your phd and maybe 1 other thing. You have to find yourself again before thinking of starting another relationship. Go do crazy random things. Have one night stands.

"do things you like". I feel like maybe you dont have many of those right now. Thats not a big deal.

Find odd events that are happening around you and just go to them. Go to a restaurant in the morning and have breakfast alone outside. Take your time and just enjoy it.

You are already fit, take on a harder physical test, run a marathon, do an iron man, sign up for a power lifting competition. Do it, when you lose, laugh about it and do it again. Get embarrassed. Embrace the suck. Eventually it wont suck so much but by experiencing new things you are allowing yourself to change.

"due to Covid and my own passiveness and weak sense of self" Again on the physical side but maybe try boxing or Brazilian Ju-Jitsu, something that will make you feel powerful. Join a Rugby club, get hit. Come back the next day.

Go volunteer, I really mean that. Go help someone else it will clarify your position in the world.

Close the door on what was. Who do you want to be?

There is truly no magical answer friend, you just have to get up every morning and try. I think you are going to surprise yourself.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#225

Post by Schroedingers2c »

yougotthis wrote: post #169

I can only imagine the weight on your shoulders right now, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. You might have felt like giving up on your career goals/social life/life in general at some point. People tell you it gets better, and when you've hit rock bottom it's impossible to believe it, but it does get better when you start taking better care of yourself. As with most skills in life, it is not immediate, how…

Thanks a lot for the advice! I've been going to the gym for years on and off now. But I told myself that from now on I am going every single day for the foreseeable future.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#226

Post by Schroedingers2c »

theGnuMe wrote: post #36

I was you once in the same place you are now. I can tell you that it gets better. The tldr is that you have to change your perspective. Sounds so easy right? Fortunately it is the only thing you have any control over. So what you need to do is work on and develop your sense of self and self esteem. The rest of life is about accepting uncertainty of everything else. For example, when you get older you realize that you…

Thanks a lot!

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#227

Post by Schroedingers2c »

haswell wrote: post #181

First, comments saying you haven't hit rock bottom because it could be far worse are missing the point, and I don't think they're helpful. Rock bottom is relative to your experience up to this point. You could reach lower lows, and that would give you a new perspective from which to judge what is truly "bottom", but that's not your perspective now. If this feels like rock bottom, it's rock bottom. I'm mid-rebuild, an…

Thank you so much! Good luck on your further journey!

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#228

Post by Schroedingers2c »

aaur0 wrote: post #217

I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult time you're going through, but please know that you're not alone. Many people have experienced the same sense of emptiness, doubt, and uncertainty that you're feeling right now. It's understandable that you're struggling given the breakup, the stress of your PhD, and your challenging family background. It's important to give yourself time to process your emotions and work thro…

Thank you, appreciate the empathy and advice!

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#229

Post by sambapa »

What are you going through is a normal reaction when going through a breakup. You just need perspective and that will only come with time. In the meantime focus on your physical health - diet, working out, sleep etc. Don't repeat my mistake - these things may seem completely pointless now and future may seem bleak etc. But please, just do it, you will thank yourself in the future. Watch some movies, I recommend "Swingers" (1996) and "A Serious Man". And remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#230

Post by Schroedingers2c »

wonderwonder wrote: post #224

I'm not going to tell you that other people have it way worse than you because its not relevant. for you this is awful and devastating and I respect that. Uncomplicate your life. Choose 2 or 3 things that are core and spend a year or so focused just on those. Fitness, your phd and maybe 1 other thing. You have to find yourself again before thinking of starting another relationship. Go do crazy random things. Have one…

Well said, thank you!
Post reply on HN