If it helps this isn’t too different to almost every PhD I knew during their final year. My wife was in bits during that year. Just keep pushing on till it’s over, and if you need a holiday to help alleviate burnout do so.
Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
71–80 of 323 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#72I went from selling three businesses to being homeless on the street. I don’t think, unfortunately, there’s a magic solution. I can provide some generic advice about what helped me: 1. Determining who my actual support network was. I invested in my repairing and strengthening my bonds with my friends and family who had been there for me - and while not cutting ties with fair weather friends, deemphasized spending tim…
Are these actually life changing exits for the businesses or did you mean it more as you were successful? Would love to get an idea on the numbers if you can share.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#73Talk to a psychologist please. Anyone who has decades of experience in this problem domain. You can start to work with them, and eventually figure out what works for you quickly.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#74I rebuilt myself after hitting rock bottom with this course: Dhamma.org
Changed my life.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#75Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I'd agree with some other comments here that you are pretty far away from rock bottom. “Rock bottom” is whatever negative experience is sufficient to get you to volubtarily rethink and commit to changing the life choices that produced that experience. It's where you personally decide to draw the line, not some objective maximum acheivable misery.
This is something that caught my interest outside of OP’s problems. From wiki: “A period of extreme mental stress, often characterized by being homeless and being rejected by all friends and family.” To me rock bottom is a storytelling term. So it’s relative to the story that is being told.
Agreed. Synonymous with "An all-time low".
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#76You are probably eating a lot of food with zero nutritional value and many of your problems might magically seem to disappear if you are naturally relaxed and eating properly.
If you are like me, I spent decades in your state. And then I magically noticed that when I eat food that actually has vitamins and minerals and take mineral supplements all these crazy anxieties become manageable.
If you are taking on all these problems and your health is off, you are garaunteed not to solve them no matter how you think about it.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#77Talk to a psychologist please. Anyone who has decades of experience in this problem domain. You can start to work with them, and eventually figure out what works for you quickly.
OP:
> I've also started therapy 2 months ago, but it's going slow and it hasn't been very useful yet. The advice so far has boiled down to "do things you like".
> I would be grateful for any of your advice or shared life stories.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#78Hi. Feel free to ignore all of this. I hope this helps (selfishly,
it helped me a bit to type). I see comments that are giving good advice. Some are suggesting that what you are feeling isn't rock bottom. In my opinion, whether or not that is true doesn't matter. Reality filters through the lens of your mind. If you feel that this is the case, it is. To you. I have been, and still go through, the same things. Because of my past, I have issues trusting people, and knowing that it is true doesn't help. I no longer have many friends, few meaningful relationships, and many people could care less if I exist. I review the history of my life and sometime wonder if my existence was a net positive for those with which I have collided. Only a core set of people who helped raise me know me and love me for who I am. There are fewer of these as time passes. Finding someone you trust that you can confide in without judgement helps. For me, being able to express how I feel to another person who cares about what I am thinking has helped immensely. By nature, I am solution-oriented and get stuck in a kind of mental fix loop when I encounter a situation I can't control or resolve. I am working on trying to focus on the situations I can control, and ceding the rest to "what is". I Recommend that you approach your therapy as a way to unburdon yourself without the expectation of a fix. The fix will come. This seems like everything that matters. If you can, try to zoom out. Try to do something new. Try to see that this is a tiny situation in the fabric of reality and choose to change it. Again, I am just a random friendless internet dude talking out of my ass. I am not qualified to offer advice, but I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#79You just got dumped by your life partner. You are experiencing immense mental pain, and maybe even physical pain. That is normal. In fact, if you had no reaction to being dumped by your life partner, you may have deeper problems.
It's possible that the breakup is making you more pessimistic about your PhD. How were you feeling about your PhD before the breakup?
Here are some optional suggestions. Try Tinder. Try psilocybin. Try standup comedy. Try going to another country (and live cheap if needed). Try being an Uber driver. Try a crazy hairstyle. Be creative.
Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?
#80Everyone’s rock bottom is relative. And however low you are now, it can get lower. Break up with your therapist and get a new one if it’s not helping, but you need to want it to work. Stop drinking alcohol for now, it’ll just make everything feel worse.