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Why are so many young men single and sexless?

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Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#221

Post by throwaway923663 »

anon2348 wrote: post #198
atoav wrote: post #16

I mean one sure way not to have sex with someone else is to never expose yourself to situations that could lead to such a thing. As an educator I have to say that over my career there was a noticable shift in how students behave. The students I have today are more shy, more careful and more risk averse than students 4 years ago. I could imagine that many of them would just decide to not bother at all until luck falls…

Your observation that younger generations (male and female alike) are more cautious and less likely to take risks is strongly backed up by data. All forms of risky behavior–from sex to drug use and even driving fast—are down among teens. https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2018-40992-001.html As another supporting example: I'm a gay man in his late 20s, and because of Grindr I often virtually encounter a lot of early 20…

I strongly suspect that it's mostly lack of real-life social interaction with the underlying reason for that being digital media taking all of their time.

I politely hit on people in person and succeed 20% of the time. Friends and acquaintances watch me do this and then say things like, "I don't know how you do that." / "How do you do that?" / "I could never do that."

"Why not?" I always ask. I've never gotten an answer. Something is preventing them from answering. The answer isn't fear of getting MeToo'd; these interactions sometimes happen in places with terrible lighting and unrecordable audio. You said yourself that they can't even do it in a sex club where no one has cell phones. They can't start conversations even in an environment where it's socially acceptable to fuck immediately. These are extremely peculiar and awkward environments at first and their anxiety levels are low enough that they were able to show up. So it isn't anxiety. The only possible explanation I can imagine is that making small talk and reading body language is a skill that they don't even know exists. They aren't getting better at it.

How are these people going to succeed in life and in business? Sex parties, or at the very least, bars, are the perfect place to develop these skills and it just isn't happening.

I guess it's working for me though. My 20% success rate hasn't gone down as I've gotten older and uglier.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#222

Post by atoav »

anon2348 wrote: post #198
atoav wrote: post #16

I mean one sure way not to have sex with someone else is to never expose yourself to situations that could lead to such a thing. As an educator I have to say that over my career there was a noticable shift in how students behave. The students I have today are more shy, more careful and more risk averse than students 4 years ago. I could imagine that many of them would just decide to not bother at all until luck falls…

Your observation that younger generations (male and female alike) are more cautious and less likely to take risks is strongly backed up by data. All forms of risky behavior–from sex to drug use and even driving fast—are down among teens. https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2018-40992-001.html As another supporting example: I'm a gay man in his late 20s, and because of Grindr I often virtually encounter a lot of early 20…

Thanks, very interesting insight.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#223

Post by anon2348 »

throwaway923663 wrote: post #221
anon2348 wrote: post #198

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your observation that younger generations (male and female alike) are more cautious and less likely to take risks is strongly backed up by data. All forms of risky behavior–from sex to drug use and even driving fast—are down among teens. https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2018-40992-001.html As another supporting example: I'm a gay man in his late 20s, and because of Grindr I often virtually encounter a lot of early 20…

I strongly suspect that it's mostly lack of real-life social interaction with the underlying reason for that being digital media taking all of their time. I politely hit on people in person and succeed 20% of the time. Friends and acquaintances watch me do this and then say things like, "I don't know how you do that." / "How do you do that?" / "I could never do that." "Why not?" I always ask. I've never gotten an ans…

Psychology research is pretty thin and not great science, but there's some evidence floating around that you may be right about lack of social skills.

Social skills lower in kids who are the heaviest users of gaming and social networks: https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/707985 (obviously correlative but still)

Time away from screens improves reading nonverbal emotional cues in kids: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S074756321...

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#224

Post by amriksohata »

vegardx wrote: post #214
amriksohata wrote: post #126

Because men have easy access to porn, the one thing that helps satisfy one of their core needs without having to pay for a new pair of jeans or meal to take a girl out. Society also expects mean to take up more of what women were expected to do 50-100 years ago, they don't want all that when they can cook on their own and still have their remaining needs met at low cost, low effort.

How unbelievable sad life must be if you think that you can replace a healthy relationship, and all that comes with it, by cooking your own meals and looking at porn.

but many do

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#225

Post by hackrnusr »

mikhael28 wrote: post #167
hackrnusr wrote: post #154

A recent Rasmussen poll claims that almost half of blacks are not sure that it is okay to be white. Have to wonder then what percent of women are not sure that is okay to be male, and if this has anything to do with the current "state of our unions" as discussed in the article.

Stop blaming other people, or society, for your own shortcomings. Look in the mirror.

Hope you're also telling that to all of the folks who are demanding jobs be set aside for them under the ever-increasing number of DEI initiatives that are being rolled out.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#226

Post by kcplate »

igetspam wrote: post #215
kcplate wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> why did you feel a need to include this… That was at least somewhat on topic. The whole “rethinking how and what I eat” seemed way more out of place to me.

Because I'm able to take input from my emotions and apply them to how I make decisions. This is an important part of the human condition that we attempt to train out of boys. It's a thing we think of as a feminine response and a weakness but the reality is that it makes us open and able to change and grow.

Ok, good for you and your enlightenment and openness, but still don’t see how it applies on this thread. The original article didn’t seem to touch on traditional effeminate qualities creating the relationship imbalances and the comment thread didn’t seem to mention it…either so it seemed out of place and forced—basically came off as a a virtue signal to me.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#227

Post by jstarfish »

atoav wrote: post #186
jstarfish wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> being very sensitive about real or perceived aggressions from men. Perhaps justified, but now it means a small misstep or failure to walk the line can be costly in a social sense. Not at all justified. Crying victim over vague aggressions is as pathologically toxic and sexist as it gets. They can't even be bothered to make an actual false accusation they can later be held accountable for, it's just "waaah, there's…

> They can't even be bothered to make an actual false accusation they can later be held accountable for, it's just "waaah, there's a man here who's not behaving the way -I- want them to. Minions, attack!" As someone who works and teaches at an art university in Europe which is certainly one of the more liberal places you could study in: Over the past 8 years I have witnessed one comparable case and that person was ba…

> Do you have observed anything like this in increasing numbers yourself or do you have any reliable data on it? I don't tend to count reading someone's story online as reliable data in a political surrounding where some actors describe themselves unironically using the term "culture warriors".

Fair enough; I'm not a "culture warrior" or affiliated with academics. My opinions and speculations are borne from US-based domestic and private-sector situations I've personally had to deal with.

I didn't mean to imply this is a problem at universities specifically (nor at all), or that there is a statistically-significant "trend" at play-- I've just seen more of this in the last two years than I have in the last decade myself (it used to be people would just make false accusations!). Think I'm at 5 cases now.

> I have witnessed one comparable case and that person was basically ignored by everybody a month later because there were obviously psychological no problems involved

This has been my experience as well-- until recently.

I think this is some sort of distinctly-American social media influenced-or-reinforced behavior that started manifesting in public spaces after the end of quarantine, since each of my cases seems to follow a very similar playbook-- both parties behind closed doors, no police report, no way to verify the claims, no evidence, and then a lot of dancing around what specific offense the "aggressor" is alleged to have done-- they will just refuse to provide details when pressed. Sometimes they get aggressively defensive about it ("you can't ask me about that! It's personal!").

This sort of behavior seems to have been popular on Tumblr years ago, with teenagers "role-playing" (ugh) sharing of rape and other abuse stories, and the act itself called "vagueing" [sic? Thanks, Kiwi Farms]. I'd guess that those kids are now in college or entering the workforce for the first time, and older adults like me are starting to catch on to the concept.

I don't know if it's all the same but every time it comes up for me, the whole thing stinks of someone trying to get out of some sort of trouble by dog-whistling to some sympathetic authority-- the "victim" always has some drama going on that started right before the abuse claim. In a recent sextortion case, the "victim" wanted divorce but was averse to initiating it herself, and hadn't been married long enough to be able to walk away with much in shared assets. Then we hear a vague rape story that somehow is articulated without ever using the word "rape" and can only be made right with an off-the-books payout higher than the statutory limit. Go figure.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#228

Post by shrimp_emoji »

jstarfish wrote: post #227
atoav wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They can't even be bothered to make an actual false accusation they can later be held accountable for, it's just "waaah, there's a man here who's not behaving the way -I- want them to. Minions, attack!" As someone who works and teaches at an art university in Europe which is certainly one of the more liberal places you could study in: Over the past 8 years I have witnessed one comparable case and that person was ba…

> Do you have observed anything like this in increasing numbers yourself or do you have any reliable data on it? I don't tend to count reading someone's story online as reliable data in a political surrounding where some actors describe themselves unironically using the term "culture warriors". Fair enough; I'm not a "culture warrior" or affiliated with academics. My opinions and speculations are borne from US-based…

My man necroposting about Tumblr in here

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#229

Post by [deleted] »

shrimp_emoji wrote: post #228
jstarfish wrote: post #227

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Do you have observed anything like this in increasing numbers yourself or do you have any reliable data on it? I don't tend to count reading someone's story online as reliable data in a political surrounding where some actors describe themselves unironically using the term "culture warriors". Fair enough; I'm not a "culture warrior" or affiliated with academics. My opinions and speculations are borne from US-based…

My man necroposting about Tumblr in here

[deleted]

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#230

Post by [deleted] »

jstarfish wrote: post #227
atoav wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> They can't even be bothered to make an actual false accusation they can later be held accountable for, it's just "waaah, there's a man here who's not behaving the way -I- want them to. Minions, attack!" As someone who works and teaches at an art university in Europe which is certainly one of the more liberal places you could study in: Over the past 8 years I have witnessed one comparable case and that person was ba…

> Do you have observed anything like this in increasing numbers yourself or do you have any reliable data on it? I don't tend to count reading someone's story online as reliable data in a political surrounding where some actors describe themselves unironically using the term "culture warriors". Fair enough; I'm not a "culture warrior" or affiliated with academics. My opinions and speculations are borne from US-based…

[deleted]
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