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Why are so many young men single and sexless?

psychologytoday.com

211–220 of 230 posts

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#211
post #10

A therapist is recommending therapy to improve men’s relationship skills and to stop watch porn. But the author says the “problem” (for lack of a better term) is women are less interested in dating (focusing on careers and education) and are overwhelmed with their number of choices. This seems like a supply side problem. I’m not seeing how therapy will fix top of the funnel issues.

You improve your relationship skills by being in a relationship, making 10,000 mistakes, and learning from each mistake. It's no different than learning how to write Python code or doing anything else for that matter. A therapist can advise you on behavior that: 1. you observe and tell the therapist about, or 2. he notices during the session. I've been happily married for +20 years. I went to therapy a couple of time…

>Every evening I take 30 minutes to summarize the events of the day and how I reacted to them. Then every few weeks I review the journal and it’s surprising how often I see patterns in my thoughts and actions and say “Oh I need to fix that.” Or “I handled that pretty well.”

This is a really awesome method for self improvement

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#212
post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So, you are of the impression that men were all able to vote? That's kinda funny. Voting rights were limited to rich men only. Poor men couldn't vote either. Only with the conscription into citizens' armies after the French revolution became it necessary for the "elites" to share their power. And soon after poor men gained suffrage, everyone gained suffrage. Go and check the development of voting rights in various de…

I'm very aware that the poor have been historically oppressed especially in recent capitalist societies like the US, I absolutely agree that it's a problem that capital owners continuously try to deflect through propaganda. However the oppression of the poor has historically run in parallel with the oppression of women. In ancient societies, women were often excluded from political and public life, and their main rol…

I would point out that the poor also have been oppressed in feudal and in pre-feudal societies, but I think that's besides the point.

Your assumption of "historically oppressed women" only works if you perceive of women as being told by men how to behave and what to do.

That's wrong. That is a fundamentally wrong understanding of how human societies work. Men are told how to behave by women and men. Women are told how to behave by women and men.

Society and societal expectations are not something shaped by men. Is the construct of constant negotiations between both males and females.

As with regard to "women being in subordinate roles"; there I suggest you to read more about the dual hierarchies of males and females. Men and women had for a very, very long time separate hierarchies - and to some degree still do. While the male hierarchy is typically oriented out-of-family, female hierarchies are typically oriented into-family.

With the spread of agriculture and the rise of larger societies, the out-of-family hierarchies started to merge, creating larger and larger hierarchies with the family of the topmost male dominating this hierarchy. With time these hierarchies became the framework for legal and male-religious organization. That's why women hat to "break-in" to these hierarchies.

The into-family hierarchies stayed mostly separate, in the household, the tribe and usually didn't expand out of the family. The Mosuo people in China are one notable exception to that "rule".

> Women were also subjected to practices such as foot-binding, female genital mutilation, and forced marriages.

If you do some research you'll find that these things are not forced onto the females by men; they are forced onto the females by females and males. And if you find it abhorable that females' feet were bound - how angry will you be when you hear that most hard labor was forced onto men? Forced onto them by both men and women.

This whole "patriarchy" is really the invention of wealthy, fin de siècle bourgeoisie that was disgusted by the development of universal male suffrage; the rich will never let the poor have a share.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> An example of the desparity to me is the concept “mansplaining” woke culture disparages. Some women (and others) see a man explaining something as condescension. Well, I don't know if you are being purposefully misleading or just ignorant of what mansplaining actually is, but here it goes. Mansplaining isn't "men explaining things". It's men explaining things because of an unfounded confidence in their (usually lim…

That may be what it means academically, but it is ABSOLUTELY NOT how it's used casually.

That is definitely not true from my personal experience

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#214

Because men have easy access to porn, the one thing that helps satisfy one of their core needs without having to pay for a new pair of jeans or meal to take a girl out. Society also expects mean to take up more of what women were expected to do 50-100 years ago, they don't want all that when they can cook on their own and still have their remaining needs met at low cost, low effort.

How unbelievable sad life must be if you think that you can replace a healthy relationship, and all that comes with it, by cooking your own meals and looking at porn.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Prostitution is high risk and expensive Only where it is illegal. Plenty of legal countries with rules & regs regarding behavior, STD testing, protection, etc. > I have male friends I hug and cry with. I have deep feelings of loss for my pet pig, who challenged my world view on "love animals" and made me rethink how and what I eat. I have a successful marriage with a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful women because…

> why did you feel a need to include this… That was at least somewhat on topic. The whole “rethinking how and what I eat” seemed way more out of place to me.

Because I'm able to take input from my emotions and apply them to how I make decisions. This is an important part of the human condition that we attempt to train out of boys. It's a thing we think of as a feminine response and a weakness but the reality is that it makes us open and able to change and grow.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Prostitution is high risk and expensive. Porn is zero risk and basically free because we all have Internet access already. Porn is not the problem but it is a serious crutch for those unwilling to address the actual problem, which is generations of teaching men and boys that intimacy isn't important. I have male friends I hug and cry with. I have deep feelings of loss for my pet pig, who challenged my world view on "…

> Prostitution is high risk and expensive Only where it is illegal. Plenty of legal countries with rules & regs regarding behavior, STD testing, protection, etc. > I have male friends I hug and cry with. I have deep feelings of loss for my pet pig, who challenged my world view on "love animals" and made me rethink how and what I eat. I have a successful marriage with a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful women because…

> Only where it is illegal. Plenty of legal countries with rules & regs regarding behavior, STD testing, protection, etc.

Ish. Lower risk but I accept your point. Still not free.

> Cool story bro

Thanks. I can only assume that you're both my target audience and because of that, incapable of getting the point.

> why did you feel a need to include this, esp the part in parentheses?

Because the comment I was replying to included sex toys as part of the argument. I was presenting the butt plug/anal stimulation response with the parentheses. It may not have been strictly necessary but the stupidity of defensive male responses makes it worthwhile to get ahead of things.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So 20-30 year old men are too immature for women to be interested in them? But women of the same age aren't? So should we keep you'd men out of the work force and out of the general population because they're too immature to interact with more reasoned beings? Do you really think that?

I read this whole thing in Tucker Carlson's voice.

Weird. Tucker Carlson isn't known for thinking women are people. He's more likely to think Incels and Redpills are heros.

I can see how it one squints, you could get that as what I'm saying but that's not it. My point is that the "men mature slowly" argument is dumb. There's plenty of evidence to support the idea that women's standards are increasing and men are not improving. Men are alone because we've decided that that the world is the problem, not us and that's unfair.

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So 20-30 year old men are too immature for women to be interested in them? But women of the same age aren't? So should we keep you'd men out of the work force and out of the general population because they're too immature to interact with more reasoned beings? Do you really think that?

No of course I don't think that.

Then what's your argument?

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes,part of the explanation is probably that women mature a bit earlier than men (in terms of romantic and sexual attractivity).

The fact that women mature earlier is one element, the fact that they seek qualities that men acquire later (stability, resources) is another. But I think that what makes the situation very sad is that our western society has decided to close its eyes to the intrinsic value of women's virtue in the eyes of men. When a young man can't find an interested partner during his younger years and then he is supposed to eithe…

It's like we're not even reading any more...

You didn't read the article. You didn't read the thing you wrote that supports the evidence I'm the article. You don't see how you basically just said you were forced to date 20 year olds in your 30s because women your own age are... what? Something bad or something?

Re: Why are so many young men single and sexless?

#220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think most women would agree that being single is far more interesting than interacting with men who rank them numerically.

see my other comment, is it surprising that physical attractiveness influences sexual pleasure?

Yes but that's not the point. The point is that your first pass at considering a partner is ranking her against others. Yours is a path to failure.

But I'm sure you're a 10, so whatever. Right?

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