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The End of Love

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Re: The End of Love

#81

Post by spadros »

fwlr wrote: post #76
spadros wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Online dating may make women more vain and entitled. It’s still her responsibility to recognize that bias and work against it. If she truly wants a partner, at least. Otherwise it’s hard to have sympathy for someone inundated with choice who has rejected people for liking Starbucks and Marvel movies. Especially when she herself has been divorced twice and already has kids. She isn’t exactly a prime fruit, but she see…

Applying the same reasoning to casinos: “Casinos may make gamblers more impulsive. It’s still their responsibility to recognize that bias and work against it. If they truly want to financially secure, at least.” It seems a little heartless to me. Casinos are big powerful institutions with lots of resources to spend on crafting psychological exploits to make gamblers more impulsive, and we don’t fully blame gamblers f…

I think comparing OLD to big Casinos is incredibly reductive.

I also think you’re bending my words into a straw man. If I had to play this game, the better answer would be “it’s an addictive gambler’s responsibility to keep out of casinos, or set a limit and stay within it”.

An addict has problems with alcohol. It’s their responsibility to deal with it. The fallout in their life is their responsibility to handle, nobody else’s.

A bipolar person can’t control their moods. It’s still their responsibility to deal with the fallout of manic episodes and try to stabilize their mood. Eventually most bipolar have the ability to recognize that they are at the centre of the broken relationships in their life and act upon that knowledge for the positive.

She’s either already vain and entitled or became repugnantly vain and entitled through OLD. It’s her responsibility to deal with that. The article reads like someone trying to bury the fact that they are at the centre of their suffering.

I agree tolerance and willingness to settle are key attributes to a happy and long lasting relationship. She seems to have neither in spades.

Re: The End of Love

#82

Post by spadros »

8f2ab37a-ed6c wrote: post #80
spadros wrote: post #57

Articles like this make me incredibly depressed. It seems common place now to see blog posts written by women saying “woe is me, I’ve dated a crapton of men and get so much attention, but I can’t find the one ”. If women become this entitled and vain from online dating, the dating pool is only going to stagnate more. If the author could practice some tolerance, empathy, gratitude, and non-judgement, I’m sure many of…

The whole time I was reading the article I was thinking of the hundreds of thousands of men on these apps who are not 6ft and above, who don't have PhDs, who do not drink 3rd wave coffee and are lucky to maybe get a couple of matches on the apps in a month. This woman is suffocating in choice, while the armies of men who are not good enough for her would be happy to get 1/100th of the activity she's seeing. We really…

Yes me too. I’d guess that the average man on OLD sees more rejection in a month than the average woman will in her lifetime. It’s a tough dating world for the average straight man. It makes me sick to my stomach.

Maybe a potential remedy is for straight men to move back to predominantly hitting on people in real life in the hopes of finding a woman not on OLD. OLD is only making the straight women on their platforms more repugnant, and really doesn’t provide high quality or quantity for the average man.

Re: The End of Love

#83

Post by 8f2ab37a-ed6c »

ravenstine wrote: post #51

The author is their own worst enemy, and their article makes it abundantly clear. Hopefully, someday, they will reread what they wrote and see it as the postmortem that it is. On a broader note, maybe dating was never sustainable in the first place. The concept of dating is, for the most part, a 20th century invention. In any earlier time, it would have been considered low-key prostitution. As a man, the expectation…

4. people are allegedly having less sex than at other times in recent history, so as much as these apps might be implicitly about hookups, they apparently aren't very good at making them happen. See https://www.salon.com/2022/11/06/why-are-so-many-young-peopl... and many similar articles.

Re: The End of Love

#84

Post by lovemenot »

I feel her disclaimers are disingenuous.

>> It wasn’t my goal to go on dates with a lot of people, or to carry out some anthropological or sociological study.

Perhaps, not a conscious goal, but surely, her behaviour was more than just a little driven by professional motivations, resulting as it did in this essay.

She had also written a book on a related topic.

I feel sorry for those 107 people who didn't realise the game was rigged.

Re: The End of Love

#85

Post by spadros »

mettamage wrote: post #72
spadros wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. Put another way, she’s acting entitled and vain. If she could practice some tolerance, gratitude, empathy, and non-judgement, she might be able to find love. As it is, I read this as an entitled woman expecting the world to come to her.

I see where you’re coming from. Not sure if it’s pure entitlement. I just think she is in her own way without realizing it. She jas certain schemas that she runs on autopilot without realizing it. Then again, I am not good with English emotional words, I know what they mean but I don’t feel much when they’re said, second language

Maybe. I’d say this:

If you think one guy is an asshole, he’s probably an asshole. If you think everyone is an asshole… It’s time to do some hard introspection.

Re: The End of Love

#86

Post by fwlr »

spadros wrote: post #81
fwlr wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Applying the same reasoning to casinos: “Casinos may make gamblers more impulsive. It’s still their responsibility to recognize that bias and work against it. If they truly want to financially secure, at least.” It seems a little heartless to me. Casinos are big powerful institutions with lots of resources to spend on crafting psychological exploits to make gamblers more impulsive, and we don’t fully blame gamblers f…

I think comparing OLD to big Casinos is incredibly reductive. I also think you’re bending my words into a straw man. If I had to play this game, the better answer would be “it’s an addictive gambler’s responsibility to keep out of casinos, or set a limit and stay within it”. An addict has problems with alcohol. It’s their responsibility to deal with it. The fallout in their life is their responsibility to handle, nob…

I don’t mean to be reductive or try to absolve the individuals of responsibility; ultimately, responsibility must bottom out with the individual, there’s nowhere else for it to go.

Regarding the casino comparison: casinos are an established institution that we might categorize as “mildly exploitative”, and we have a mature moral/ethical framework around permitting them to exist, judging people who they exploit, etc. (Like, we DO permit casinos to exist, we say things like “enjoy them responsibly and expect to lose because the house always wins”, we would respect someone who refuses to attend casinos because they know they have a gambling problem, and so on.) I think the casino comparison is valuable mostly because we currently DON’T see dating apps as mildly exploitative pickiness-inducers, and we probably should.

Re: The End of Love

#87

Post by Omshinwa »

trekkie1024 wrote: post #8

I can sympathize with the author's experiences, though I find things like One recent man had a lot going for him. In fact he was the most promising prospect I’d had in some time. But then he mentioned that he got his daily coffee from Starbucks, and I found it hard to imagine dating someone who liked Starbucks coffee; or even if they liked the coffee, didn’t find Starbucks so odious and soul-diminishingly ubiquitous…

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Re: The End of Love

#89

Post by Omshinwa »

luckman212 wrote: post #68
ravenstine wrote: post #51

The author is their own worst enemy, and their article makes it abundantly clear. Hopefully, someday, they will reread what they wrote and see it as the postmortem that it is. On a broader note, maybe dating was never sustainable in the first place. The concept of dating is, for the most part, a 20th century invention. In any earlier time, it would have been considered low-key prostitution. As a man, the expectation…

You left off #5 : 5. In the modern world, technology (dating apps, ML/AI-assisted image enhancement shifting expectations of average attractiveness, and the destruction of socialization by TikTok/Insta/Snap) has rendered a significant portion of the male population undateable/unmatchable. This has tipped the scales largely in favor of the men in the desirable pool, as more women compete over that narrowing set. Puris…

[dead]

Re: The End of Love

#90

Post by Omshinwa »

wrycoder wrote: post #62
ravenstine wrote: post #51

The author is their own worst enemy, and their article makes it abundantly clear. Hopefully, someday, they will reread what they wrote and see it as the postmortem that it is. On a broader note, maybe dating was never sustainable in the first place. The concept of dating is, for the most part, a 20th century invention. In any earlier time, it would have been considered low-key prostitution. As a man, the expectation…

Quote: I have been on first dates with 107 people in the past five years, without securing a long-term love relationship with anyone That's a "first date" every two weeks or so.

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