Most young men are single. Most young women are not • Hacker News Board

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#81

Post by arisbe__ » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:28 PM UTC

Dalewyn wrote: post #19

The article poses the situation as a problem, and I say "screw that noise" (pun intended) with my anecdote: I'm a man now in my mid-30s, and I cannot god damn wait until I'm old enough to be out of the "marriage market" so everyone stops fucking pestering me about marriage. I find absolutely no appeal in the concept. The legal and social risks of associating with women beyond friendships are simply not worth it. I al…

So you wish you had never been born? Isn't that just a theoretical-linguistic proposition and not a truely held belief? We are after all stratified beings.

That is it seems you are just venting or virtue signaling (that is still OK).

Recently my life has acquired some properties that many might class as "hell on Earth". It doesn't bother me though, I will always be grateful to be breathing as I am a human being.

I mean if you lived in the days of our prehistoric hunter gatherer ancestors and didnt know if you would starve to death next Winter would you be so antilife?

By the way I am single and dont have kids which is what I selfishly prefer. But I dont think that should be encouraged for healthy males as we have a responsibility to society.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#82

Post by fbernier » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:28 PM UTC

GalenErso wrote: post #11

A man who is financially autonomous, practices basic hygiene and grooming, wears tasteful clothing, and approaches women with respect and manners has nothing to worry about. You don't need to make 6 figures, to be 6 feet tall, to have the body of The Rock or 2004 Brad Pitt's face. Having one interesting hobby is also a huge plus, even if it's as simple as hiking or jogging. You just need to be minimally interesting.…

Exactly this. I've been single for four months at 27 and dated a lot during that time and I noticed that the bar is set _so low_ to place yourself as a better candidate than, let's say 80% of other men, that's it's simply scary.

Most men have literally nothing interesting to offer for a relationship. When you look at their situation from an objective point of view it's so obvious why they remain single and yet most are unable to see it. They either have no hobbies, hobbies that are almost exclusively shared by other men and often show no interest in their potential partners' hobbies. A lot of them also spend most of their time in online communities that are almost completely absent from women. They end up having discussion subjects and interests so far away from their dating partners that it turns into an awkward date.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#83

Post by anovikov » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:28 PM UTC

tokai wrote: post #66

anovikov wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nothing surprising, yes this is mostly about top 10% of men dating several women each. Inequality in action.

Literally a /r9k/ incel talking point. Never backed up by anything at all.

I don't mean to say it in a negative sense. I'm a right-wing liberal. Inequality is the only thing that saves us for complete dominance of mediocrity. Also, it's sort of stupid to complain about because it's no one's policy or anything, just an objective fact. You can't un-invent Tinder.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#84

Post by hgsgm » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:28 PM UTC

4gotunameagain wrote: post #70

_trackno5 wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am highly skeptical that computer games and porn addictions are significant factors here. Sure they are problems that need to be solved, but I doubt it is a significant contribution to the problem. I can see how social media might bias perception though. I guess pre-internet era you just had to compete against people in your local community when you were looking for a partner. Way harder now to standout in the worl…

I think computer games and porn addictions by large exacerbate the social awkwardness epidemic, and allow an easy escape from dealing with the world. Which needs to be done, if one wants to build useful skills and become useful to the society or a prospective partner. It's too easy to stay at home alone all day jacking off and playing games. It shouldn't be like that, we are not equipped to deal with this kind of sit…

Most men don't prefer masturbating to sex. Porn and masturbation is the solution to the men's problem of women not wanting to have much sex with men. It's much better than both rape and celibacy.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#85

Post by Zandikar » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:29 PM UTC

f0ld wrote: post #63

Wait, but how? is polygamy mainstream among younguns?

People outside the sample age dating people inside the sample age. AKA, Older men dating younger women, and in far greater numbers than vice versa. Also, In America it seems women are more likely or at least more open about being gay/bi as well. Those 2 things account for the majority of the disparity.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#86

Post by b800h » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:29 PM UTC

GalenErso wrote: post #73

wollyhood wrote: post #43

I sincerely believe that I am a respectful, reasonably attractive, healthy, financially successful and emotionally mature person. I found dating so hopelessly difficult in America, that I decided to literally learn another language and relocate to another country. I felt like I had no future in America because of that. The difference where I am now is night and day. I have had to decline more dates and advances, whic…

There are so many people looking for respectful, reasonably attractive, healthy, financially successful and emotionally mature men. My guess is that your approach is the problem. Perhaps you don't go to the right places, or strike conversations with the right people (e.g. women too young or immature to recognize emotionally mature men). Maybe you should work on improving your social skills. Or maybe your self-percept…

Both the article and the comment you're replying to suggest that isn't the case.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#87

Post by JesusLovesEwe » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:30 PM UTC

Dalewyn wrote: post #19

The article poses the situation as a problem, and I say "screw that noise" (pun intended) with my anecdote: I'm a man now in my mid-30s, and I cannot god damn wait until I'm old enough to be out of the "marriage market" so everyone stops fucking pestering me about marriage. I find absolutely no appeal in the concept. The legal and social risks of associating with women beyond friendships are simply not worth it. I al…

[flagged]

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#88

Post by xlii » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:30 PM UTC

I have a theory for that: I think that men are simply lost in modern times.

Love, for example, has been popularized to be a romantic movie-cliché where handsome guy spends his daytime on a picnic during middle of the day (middle of the week). In contract my bubble - all men I know show affection through dedication and work, which isn't perceived as very romantic.

Men are less social. There are reasons, but life right now allows us to be less social. ~50 years ago you either cooked for yourself or you went out to restaurant if you wanted to eat. Meeting people was inevitable. ~20 years ago you could call for a pizza, but that still involved human contact.

Today? I have an app for that. I also have an app for taxi, laundry, groceries, clearning etc. Remote work is getting increasingly common. I can manage my whole life not even leaving my flat without any need to talk to anyone. Some of my male colleagues actually live like that.

And social skills is not something one can get from podcast. They need to be trained and sustained, especially for those who aren't naturally talented and charismatic. And without them - good luck finding partner. There's also slippery slope involved, that some other commenters mention. It can't be I who is at fault, right? It must be THEM.

The only way out is to actually get more social, but that's something that men also don't do. There's this stigma that it must've been something wrong with man if they try to find friends.

So it's somewhat bleak future, but not grim nor unchangeable. It's just (some) men got behind and it'd be nice if there'd be help for them to catch up.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#89

Post by koshinae » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:30 PM UTC

thedanbob wrote: post #37

nebukadnet wrote: post #22

I find this very surprising. The first sentence of the article states that about 60% of men are single, and only about 30% of women. There's about equal men and women, so that would mean that 30% of women are dating each other, or are in relationships with multiple men? That's discounting men dating men. I find that surprising.

Those figures are for "young adults". (20s I think? The article isn't totally clear.) The article mentions further down that some of the extra women are dating older men.

There is a phrase in there: "in their 20s", so I suppose it means under 30.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#90

Post by baggachipz » Wed, Feb 22, 2023, 2:30 PM UTC

988747 wrote: post #23

GalenErso wrote: post #11

A man who is financially autonomous, practices basic hygiene and grooming, wears tasteful clothing, and approaches women with respect and manners has nothing to worry about. You don't need to make 6 figures, to be 6 feet tall, to have the body of The Rock or 2004 Brad Pitt's face. Having one interesting hobby is also a huge plus, even if it's as simple as hiking or jogging. You just need to be minimally interesting.…

The problem is, if a man hit all these points there's really no reason for him to form a relationship with a woman. Ideal state for a man is being single and having series of one night stands :) Relationships are for those who have trouble attracting women and once they succeed they want to keep their "prey" forever. /s

> Ideal state for a man is being single and having series of one night stands

Thanks for proving OP's point.