I’ve been undergoing ketamine IV treatment every 3-4 weeks, and some of my experiences, especially the first few, were also terrifying. It reminded me a lot of the fear and panic I get from getting too high with weed. But at the same time, many of my depression symptoms were significantly improved almost immediately. I feel “unstuck” in the days and weeks following treatment and can course correct some of my stubborn depressive tendencies that have been going on for years.
So that’s annoying. The experiences are unpleasant but the longer term effects are useful.
The anxiety is definitely the hardest part for me, and I have some health-related OCD stuff, so the constant “checking” that I’m not going crazy is challenging too. I was legitimately worried for a little while that it was making me psychotic after, but my doctor confirmed that my symptoms matched intense anxiety and not psychosis so that helped me relax. And they subside most importantly. Now I’ve done ketamine a bunch of times and know it isn’t going to hurt me. I can almost completely relax into it, though a stressful image or feeling I experience can still induce a bit of panic. For some reason those tend to come up right at the end of my session, if they do at all. But regardless, I’ve gotten better at riding those like waves and letting them go.
For someone like myself with high anxiety, I do wonder if there’s a better way to mentally prepare for experiences like this? Maybe some kind of coaching beforehand? I had an intro call, quick health screening, an orientation where was told a bunch of facts, asked if I had any questions, and that was basically it. I didn’t know how incredibly difficult it could be and was not mentally prepared to begin treatment. I’m okay now, but it was not an easy ride. I imagine science is still figuring a lot of this stuff out.