Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 122 posts

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#21

Post by abstractbill »

Parenting is, in my experience, quite a bit like taking care of a drunk person who very slowly sobers up over several years.

The internet is generally a terrible place to get parenting advice/support/etc from. For some reason it's a topic that brings out the most judgemental in people.

Parents of one child are often the worst to talk to. They have figured out what works for their one kid, and are quite unaware that it doesn't generalize at all.

Mothers will (usually) feel instant love for their new baby. Fathers will often not, and it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking there must be something wrong with you for that. There isn't, it's all just hormones. Wait, and those feelings will come over time.

I think that's all I've got. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#22

Post by baxtr »

strix_varius wrote: post #3
andrewfromx wrote: post #2

The problem is you are not having "a baby" you are having "your baby" and each one is different. Also there are a million opinions on every subject you'll have to decide for yourself which side of the argument you're on. And it's impossible to decide just by reading ahead of time. I'll give you a great example from a friend who read ahead of time that glass bottles were the way to go, plastic bottles leak chemicals i…

I hear you, but I wonder if like in most fields, there are some basic truths that can be relied upon, but that total "juniors" will be ignorant of.

You’re basically asking a question like:

- Hey! I have this new employee. What should I do?

- Hey! I have this new job. What should I do?

You’ll get plenty of generic advice. Some of it might be useful. Most of it won’t apply to your “case”.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#23

Post by notch898a »

baby instruction manual.

If the baby does not have colic and cries:

1) Needs milk 2) Needs changed 3) Needs sleep

If baby does have colic and cries

1) Lol probably needs nothing, but try all 3 above for good measure. 2) Endure for months on end until every woman in your extended family and your own marriage nearly self destructs because it turns out a baby that cries every waking hour for months on end is basically kryptonite for women. Treat it like you're going to be waterboarded for the better part of a year to see how devout you are for your marriage.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#24

Post by ak217 »

The vast majority of parenting advice out there is sanctimonious BS pushed by people who are either following a fad, using it as a way to establish themselves as some sort of in-group, or with some commercial motivation. For example, breastfeeding and sleep training are a minefield of guilt-tripping and unsubstantiated strongly held opinions. (If your partner does end up breastfeeding - which is by no means necessary - I do second the advice to have a few emergency breast hand pumps available. Also, in the US the hospitals push these giant awful Medela pumps - they are completely outclassed by https://babybuddhaproducts.com/).

Emily Oster is the one author I'm familiar with who comes close to countering this trend, but even she gets too prescriptive sometimes.

The basics of parenting are very simple in theory and pretty hard in practice - stay available, stay patient, stay positive, divide and conquer tasks with your partner, take enough care of yourself to enable the above, adjust as needed. There's not much that's universal beyond that. Your kid's experience will be highly personal to your kid and you'll want to look at the tools and resources available to you (ranging from nannies and food service to bottles/bibs/furniture) and keep evaluating what's working and what's not.

(Also second the other comments referring to miscarriages. They are much more common than you might imagine, and of course incredibly challenging in part because they're so hard to discuss.)

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#25

Post by rbabich »

Look past the silly title, and pick up a copy of "Baby 411": https://www.amazon.com/dp/1889392723/

It's coauthored by a pediatrician, so the recommendations are evidence-based, but it's also practical and relatively concise.

[Disclaimer: The edition I read was published over a decade ago, but the latest edition doesn't appear to be radically different.]

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#26

Post by hallman76 »

Most parents aren't willing to subject their baby to a scientific study so there are a lot of areas where there just isn't enough data to make advice data-driven.

We found Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block really helpful with our newborn. It contains a lot of fluff. Reading it ahead of time will have little value - you need to see/understand your baby's temperament to understand how to apply the approaches in the book.

Best of luck! Kids are awesome!

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#27

Post by ars »

dcre wrote: post #17
strix_varius wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hear you, but I wonder if like in most fields, there are some basic truths that can be relied upon, but that total "juniors" will be ignorant of.

I agree with commenter that there's a good reason general advice doesn't exist. I have some tips for the first couple of months that I collected in an iOS note after the second kid, but they're all little practical things that are pretty personal and make me sound like a crazy person, which to me proves the point. Baby tips - have some of the next size diaper around so you can try it earlier instead of making the kid…

I don't agree with your advice about Tylenol, it has zero medical benefit.

Lowering fevers is not necessary in any way, does not protect, it does not help heal, the best you could say is maybe it makes a baby (and child) a bit more comfortable. But in exchange the illness lasts a little bit longer.

And this is not my personal opinion, this is what the best available studies say: fever reducers have no medical value.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#28

Post by SomeCollegeBro »

I'm sorry to tell you this, but everything in life cannot be algorithmically driven. As others have said, generally speaking your baby is YOUR baby and you have to learn as you go and adapt. Take it a few days at a time, tackle the current issues, and repeat.

On the data driven side, Emily Oster and her prenatal (Expecting Better) and postpartum (Cribsheet) books are great resources, but they hardly prepare you for parenting. Those books can help you make some macro decisions for sure, but overall parenting is an experience which will likely be the most mentally challenging thing you've done, barring any exceedingly traumatizing events.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#30

Post by r2champloo »

"Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5" by the American Academy of Pediatrics is a tome, but is the best practical guide for what you need to do, and what to expect, for the first few years of a child's life. Use it like a reference or manual rather than reading cover-to-cover.
Post reply on HN