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Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

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Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#211

Post by aflag »

akdor1154 wrote: post #120
throoowwawaayy wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is that, but I also don’t feel like “I was crazy” entirely absolves me. I could have made some better decisions for sure.

No-one ever gets every decision right. My fuckups have been lucky and haven't impacted my life too much. Your fuckups were unlucky in that they've interacted with an existing condition and thrown your life around a heap. That doesn't mean you're inferior to anyone, or have any worse/better judgement, it just means you drew a short straw. :(

Sure, we all make mistakes. But I think it's healthy to look back on those with regret rather than just shrugging it off. It's hard (even harder) to change otherwise.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#212

Post by bombcar »

ido wrote: post #195
vlachen wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the truth. The advice I give to expectant friends is this: get your shit together, mental health wise, before that tiny human shows up in your life. My partner and I found that the stress of having a child brings all that shit up.

All of the above is true...And yet I (39 years old, father of 2 boys- aged 4 & 6) used to have existential crises routinely and I really don't anymore. Despite often being huge pains in the ass my kids make me so...Content? Happy? I don't know. Whatever it is I don't have existential crises anymore.

Kids provide a VERY easy answer to “why am I doing this inane shit” - because they would literally die if you don’t.

And people will naturally go through lots of pain if there’s hope their kids will have a better life than they did, and there’s almost always that hope, even in total societal collapse.

And a second side effect is kids force you to get to know the parents of other kids, even if only accidentally. Many people are quite starved for general human conversation, even if it is just about the immense number of diapers encountered per annum.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#213

Post by frereubu »

ido wrote: post #195
vlachen wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the truth. The advice I give to expectant friends is this: get your shit together, mental health wise, before that tiny human shows up in your life. My partner and I found that the stress of having a child brings all that shit up.

All of the above is true...And yet I (39 years old, father of 2 boys- aged 4 & 6) used to have existential crises routinely and I really don't anymore. Despite often being huge pains in the ass my kids make me so...Content? Happy? I don't know. Whatever it is I don't have existential crises anymore.

I think existential crises often come because people have too much time to think. That's certainly the case with me. Perhaps you just don't have enough time to overthink things now! Kids, if you let them, also keep you in the moment pretty well - there's not much time to chew over previous mistakes when you're in the middle of a play fight.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#214

Post by gsyubbfyt »

Do you take any drugs regularly? Prescription or not? Cutting out alcohol and other recreational drugs, and working with a therapist to reduce my prescription drugs (SSRIs) helped with this a lot.

You might have ADHD, OCD, chronic depression or other disorders as well. Worth talking to a therapist (and not some stranger on the internet).

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#215

Post by scrapcode »

INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

I'd be interested in discussing what works for you, when and if you find it. I am in a similar position and I posit that it is because my work is just completely uninteresting. I just cannot give up the "golden handcuffs" as my pay right is great for the effort required of me, and the work/life balance is the best I've ever had. I honestly think WFH contributes to my laziness, but I'd be crazy to give that up as it benefits my family greatly.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#217

Post by stuaxo »

suranyami wrote: post #100
INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

> It might be rooted in the fact that I don't have kids As a parent: nope, it's definitely not that. Yes, having children is a rich and beautiful experience. It's also a ruthless grind. So, if you think you're feeling lethargic and it's all a bit futile, imagine doing everything you do now, but also arguing with a smaller, more annoying version of yourself for a couple of decades while sleep deprived, and with 1/4 of…

Ha, and like 5% of the spare time.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#218

Post by ReactiveJelly »

Yeah.

Years ago, right at the beginning of my career, I had some kind of neurotic breakdown. It was diagnosed as schizophrenia at the time (since I had delusions of reference), but I haven't relapsed or had any long-term symptoms.

I think maybe it was caused by stress. I had never lived on my own as an adult before that, and never had a real job either. It was too much change at once, and I didn't know how to push back or set boundaries.

It's not the only time I overexerted myself because my brain wasn't giving me clear "slow down" signals.

I recovered from that and only a couple of the oldest employees remember it.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#219

Post by agotterer »

mtremsal wrote: post #162

Not my own personal experience obviously, but “Burn Rate: Launching a Startup and Losing My Mind” by Andy Dunn talks about the kind of mental breakdown you’re describing. It’s a surprisingly engaging and self-aware book about manic depression and how common it is in the startup world.

I would also recommend this book. Andy tells the raw truth about what it’s like to have a manic depression and how it manifested in destructive behavior inside and outside of work.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#220

Post by totetsu »

abyssin wrote: post #115
timellis-smith wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an allegory. I've on occasion been in very cold water (cutting ropes from propellors of boats and stand-up paddle boarding). While my core body temperature is still below normal, I've found myself incapable of going back into the cold water, like my body physically refuses. The mind works to protect itself, and perhaps that's what its doing with regards to work - trying to protect you from further damaging yoursel…

I see it as emotions that, despite being ignored by a more rational part of the mind, persist and keep functionning like they should. Emotions provide information about what's good for us. It isn't always perfect information and it makes sense to manage them rationally. But at some point, reason cannot function in a void. In my experience, once I've left a situation where I wasn't aware that I didn't feel good, it be…

This is what "ADHD" kind of feels like, but the emotions react to everything, even when the metaphorical water isn't very cold at all.
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