201–210 of 361 posts
I think it's part of the problem than this is the case. It would probably even benefit you now, and certainly would have back then if you had talked about these things with more people.
It sounds like you are aware of the impact it had on your family, I would just encourage you to very actively try to demonstrate to them that you understand it and want to make sure their life improves as yours does.
In my friend's case, I think pride has kept them from fully acknowledging just how shitty they made the lives of those around them. Everyone stuck by them because we love them. Their spouse in particular feels like they put up with hell and now that the person is healthy again they don't want to spend time making up for "the past".
It's not easy, but if you have the capacity for it, I encourage it.
Other than that, congratulations on getting through and getting back. A lot of folks come out of a break like that and do not reenter work or past hobbies in any meaningful way.
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Strategizing exit plans, to get on with a new life elsewhere. Maybe this is what I'm supposed to have learnt?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> For instance, one CEO would periodically grab me, walk me a few blocks away from the office and proceed to scream in my face for 20 minutes on the sidewalk. There are many, many other examples, but honestly, it's all too familiar and boring to recount. Wh..why did you even stay long enough for this to have happened more than once ?
Have you ever walked away from a job? It's really hard to do.
Then thanks to a lot of luck, I was able to secure some passive income which allowed me to just sustain myself for the next 3 years through the COVID19 pandemic. It was exactly what I needed to sustain myself down to the dollar. I could probably write a book about what happened to me over the past 5 years or so but I still can't quite make sense of things...
Basically, many people from the blockchain community I was a member of turned against me for no good reason, then COVID19 happened and the government response to it fed into a sense of increasing paranoia. Once you know that a small/medium group of people are conspiring against you (e.g. actively working together to see you fail), it doesn't take much to start believing that maybe a larger group... Maybe the government is also working against you or people like you (though at least with lockdowns and vax mandates I didn't feel like a lone target).
Once you've worked in blockchain sector, all those crazy conspiracy theories about government agencies manipulating people and politicians through psyops don't seem so far fetched. I guess it makes sense. Cryptocurrencies are kind of like foreign states in a way... The sector is probably overrun with government agents.
It's good I distanced myself, it was a real brainf***.
I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
And part is a rebellion against postponing giving time to things that matter personally . 'Yes, BigCo project xyz launches tomorrow and you've got xx people depending on me, but I ... really wanted to spend some time today ... reading a book ... gardening ... watching a movie ... a little shopping ....' Don't underestimate your mind's capacity to rebel against delayed gratification.
...especially the later it gets. "I haven't had enough time to just mess around today - I'm going to stay up another hour. The guy who has to get up at 7 is a different guy!"
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"and looking for non-existent fossils, which I found. I eventually saw petrified sea creatures everywhere and stopped going to work, or answering my phone, paying bills, etc. Things ended predictably, in horrible slow motion." => I think he just interpreted "normal" patterns in stone as fossils