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Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

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Re: Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

#101

Post by codpiece »

petodo wrote: post #83
codpiece wrote: post #73

Be there for your kids. We made career choices that prioritized our time with our children so we could be present, to the point that one major publishing firm knew I would be cooking dinner if they called me after 430pm. Be fully present when you play with them. Really PLAY with them. Kids know when you are not paying attention. Set firm boundaries. I once read that everything is new and novel for a child, so having…

> I would be cooking dinner if they called me after 430pm. When is your dinner time? We have dinner at 6PM and I feel like freak to have dinner so early here in Europe and putting my kids to bed around 7:30, at latest before 8PM.

This was when my daughter was quite young, elementary school. Dinner at 500, bedtime at 800. Doesn't matter what others think, your kid needs food and sleep to meet their needs, not neighbors.

Re: Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

#102

Post by golemiprague »

devnull3 wrote: post #67

I would say do not lose sight of the big picture. The topmost responsibility of parents is: To prepare them for adult-hood. The following cross-cuts anything the child decides to do in future: 1. Being mentally tough * Dealing with success & failures * Dealing with conflicts 2. Money * Importance of money & saving * Importance of investing 3. Communication skills * Focus on effectiveness of communication * Importance…

[dead]

Re: Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

#103

Post by maximumcomfy »

- Did you think about what sort of parent you'd like to be and work backwards? Yes, my dad was pretty great so except for a few bad things I try to be like him

- Did you think about what makes a good kid and work backwards? Yes but also about what sucked about being a kid and was unnecessary vs necessary.

- Did you align with a "style" of parenting? My dad's style worked well, so yes if that is a style. I'd call it "laissez-faire within explained boundaries / rules".

- How did you use technology to help you? I mainly use it for my marriage (shopping lists, todos, etc) I don't use tech with my kids

- Did you keep your kids away from technology (like watching TV) for the first couple of years or just go for it? They didn't know what an ipad was until they were ~ 5. After that it was introduced to them as a tool versus something to goof around on.

- What would you do differently if you had your time again? Not worry so much about money and let the kids feel the stress. They have no concept of income and expenses they just want their parents around in a stress-free mood.

Re: Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

#104

Post by _nalply »

sdwr wrote: post #91
throw_pm23 wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreeing with all that you say, except the claim that preventing technology is BS. If a tablet or smartphone is available it is almost always what kids will choose, if you don't make it available, they can do and learn better things. Sure, you cannot prevent it forever, but that's not the goal, just to postpone it until they are well-equipped to handle it. The same really with alcohol or smoking. You cannot prevent y…

Device use is where smoking was 50 years ago. Everyone does it, most people kinda know it's bad for you. It's like eating candy instead of actual meals, doesn't have the balanced macros and vitamins of proper engagement+interactions. A kid who doesn't spend 4-6 hours a day on a phone, and has some real-world stuff to stay busy with, is going to be miles ahead of everyone else in 10 years.

> A kid who doesn't sped 4-6 hours a day on a phone ...

Amen.

You need to compromise. What I do:

- No TV at all (except on holidays then they can watch as long as they want), without TV it is easier

- When coming home we all, parents included, don't use technology for 10 minutes, this is like a time-out, sometimes the children started to play and don't need technology

- Sometimes don't use technology the whole time, for example when going away, the parents also leave their cell phones at home

- Sometimes let the children be bored, boredom is sometimes a great source of creativity

- Sometimes let them use technology as long as they want so that they learn to feel what this means

- Friendly ask them what they are doing

- One-click buy or similar things are a way to lose money

- Try to create incentives, like: you can stay at home alone, but today nobody is using any technology, you can read books or go with us

- Be sincere, open and friendly and admit that you yourself are fallible, alway try to discuss and find a common understanding

- Try to influence, like gaming is better than watching Youtube, some Youtube channels are better than others, and so on

The idea is: Sooner or later your children will have contact with the manipulative virtual world outside. You can't avoid it. Try to steer somewhat, but you will sometimes fail. Accept your failings. Stay relaxed. Be authentic.

Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

#105

Post by abhim12 »

Have you read Rest, Play, Grow: Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One) by Dr. Deborah MacNamara?

If not, I highly recommend you do that. It helped me a lot in understanding some fundamentals. My kid is 4 years old now.

As a general advice, I'd say no matter how you approach it, don't be too hard on yourself or your kids. There will be times when you'll have no time for your kids. And that is fine. Just be fully present whenever you're with them. When kids grow up, they remember specific moments and events with their parents that shape their thinking.

All the best!

Re: Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

#106

Post by asolanaruiz »

Just the fact that you are asking these questions is already a good sign. You'll read and hear about a million different ways of raising your children but I think that if you stick to the basics they'll be fine.

Here's my "advice":

- Practice kindness

- Be patient

- Be present

- Take care of your mental health

You won't be able to follow this 100% of the time and that's ok. No one can. Don't be too hard on yourself.

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