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Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#321

Post by hackinthebochs »

elil17 wrote: post #149
xupybd wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think that taking a class to get to know single women of your own age is disrespectful. Do we know they are objectifying? The post said this was about finding a future wife.

It’s disrespectful because it ignores the fact that the women are not there to date, but to learn. The men are getting in their way by showing off and offering disingenuous tutoring.

The subtext here is that women should be able to exist in the world without "unwanted" sexual attention being given towards them. The question is whether this is reasonable.

Should men not seek dates? Should men not go where single women are to seek dates? Should men limit their efforts at getting dates only to "appropriate venues", where women's interest is explicit? How does the man's attractiveness factor into these constraints?

None of this seems reasonable at first blush. Obviously women don't want men they're not attracted to to engage them with romantic interests. Conversely, women generally do want men they are attracted to demonstrate romantic interests, regardless of venue (to a certain extent). But how can this constraint possibly be enforced in a reasonable way?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#322

Post by [deleted] »

nhchris wrote: post #292
jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

Less attractive girls get less male attention no matter what. Why would it be any more demoralizing if that attention comes with tutoring? Why would it be distracting? It seems everyone is complaining except the girls getting tutored. And if they did complain, if some guy was pushy or wouldn't take no for an answer, then deal with him the same as any other such guy - that they're attending a class for the sake of dat…

[deleted]

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#323

Post by kcb »

lelanthran wrote: post #310
zozbot234 wrote: post #284

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're right about this. The male auditors are overdoing the whole showboating thing in a way that creates a bad experience for the rest of the students, and probably doesn't really help their romantic prospects either. Sensible women want to get to know friends in a gradual, natural fashion and perhaps be a little wowed in non-obvious ways. No one wants to be advertised to with "FREE private tutoring session…

> The male auditors are overdoing the whole showboating thing in a way that creates a bad experience for the rest of the students, and probably doesn't really help their romantic prospects either. Sensible women want to get to know friends in a gradual, natural fashion and perhaps be a little wowed in non-obvious ways. They aren't looking for sensible women, they're looking for attractive women. IOW, it furthers thei…

> They aren't looking for sensible women, they're looking for attractive women. IOW, it furthers their goal, even if you think they should have a different goal.

Maybe sensible is what they find attractive. Who are we to say?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#324

Post by imbnwa »

jimbob45 wrote: post #233
hsn915 wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That will not lead to a drop in fertility. Infact, that's exactly how high fertility societies operate. At least the Islamic ones, like Afghanistan for example, where the population doubled since 2001. Fertility has been dropping since the 80s, long before anything to do with wokeism or meetoo or whatever.

Fertility has been dropping since the 80s, long before anything to do with wokeism or meetoo or whatever. So nobody was woke in the 80s? Feminism and homosexuality just sprang up out of nowhere in 2010?

Wonder how many people have seen Angels in America on here?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#325

Post by midoridensha »

Larrikin wrote: post #228
Der_Einzige wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Things have not gotten better. I had several 3 and 4 hundred level CS classes with literally zero women in them. This was at a large, major public school with several hundred in our CS program.

My upper level CS classes in college had one woman back in early 2010s. I entered grad school some years later. My graduate level CS courses that over lapped the data science classes were usually around fifty percent. The courses that didn't were more male but nothing close to undergraduate. It really wasn't something I noticed like in undergrad. So seems to be getting better What I did notice was both the data scien…

Obviously, America doesn't really want people like that. People with master's degrees in STEM should instead look for countries that welcome them with their immigration policies.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#326

Post by pedroma »

Dalewyn wrote: post #174
onepointsixC wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This has to be one of the worst pieces of dating advice ever written. Universities are one of the best places to meet people as a student.

Let me clarify: You don't pork out during your academic day; you get acquainted during the day to get the ball rolling, and then proceed with the porking once you've punched out and are now spending your private time.

I don't see why this matters. Two people like each other? Why does it matter where it's happening or what the context is? It's probably more natural and humanizing to treat people like humans instead of objects you cannot have feelings for too.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#327

Post by tompetry »

jeffbarr wrote: post #4

Bill Gates and Paul Allen were doing something similar decades ago. According to https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-35442969 (but well known before that): > Paul Allen, who would later become a co-founder of Microsoft, was a couple of years above Gates at school. Together they fixed the school scheduling software to ensure Gates was the only boy in classes of girls.

In 2004-2005 one of the most interesting features of Facebook was to see which students were in which classes (lectures), and even which smaller labs or sections of that class. So you could enroll and change your entire schedule if there were openings based on data made available within Facebook... it felt pretty creepy even back then.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#328

Post by ifyoubuildit »

joe-collins wrote: post #278
murrkat wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there not a chance one of the young men offering open labs or tutoring might, in fact, be intelligent, enthusiastic about the sciences and decent ?

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

> such disturbing tactics

Really? It sounds like some of them are lacking self awareness, and maybe representing themselves poorly. But is what they are doing really on the level of disturbing?

People need to learn how to interact with each other, possibly by failing like this. College is one of the places where that is supposed to happen.

If it's such a big deal, maybe we should just go back to separate schools for men and women.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#329

Post by judge2020 »

mattzito wrote: post #300
murrkat wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there not a chance one of the young men offering open labs or tutoring might, in fact, be intelligent, enthusiastic about the sciences and decent ?

They might be! Which makes it even more of a shame that they used an app whose intent was to help students audit classes where they have a gender ratio opportunity. If this person sent an email to the class group offering their services and coached folks without seeing their gender or appearance, I would applaud them, and I’d be more than happy to support whoever they met through that. But my guess is, that’s not the…

The crux of the issue is if the behavior of these students harms the learning environment in any other way. For example, raising their hand to answer a question every opportunity they get meaning fewer of the typical students get to answer and learn from [their] mistakes, or running these private tutoring sessions then giving up if no attractive women show up / giving the women they're interested in way more attention. It's also not a good look if they're bad at teaching and use the tutoring session to effectively do peoples' homework for them by solving every questions on a whiteboard with little room for discussion.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#330

Post by lelanthran »

joe-collins wrote: post #278
murrkat wrote: post #273

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is there not a chance one of the young men offering open labs or tutoring might, in fact, be intelligent, enthusiastic about the sciences and decent ?

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

> If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

Because it's

a) Not disturbing,

and

b) working.

I mean, seriously, if they keep their hands to themselves and make no unwanted advances, what exactly do you find indecent about this?

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