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Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#271

Post by quickthrower2 »

ShredKazoo wrote: post #251
quickthrower2 wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not the same thing because of the power imbalance (older students, that teach labs) and obvious intent there is the threat of unwanted advances. I’d bet on even odds of actual abuse having occurred and it ends up being reported as less because who wants to go to court and face the next Epstein?

>Not the same thing because of the power imbalance (older students, that teach labs) The average marriage involves a husband who is taller, older, and wealthier than his wife. Is that power imbalance problematic? Shall we pass a law that men cannot marry women who are shorter, younger, or poorer than they are? >obvious intent there is the threat of unwanted advances Not obvious to me. What incentive is there for coer…

It depends, I made a sister comment that say joining a yoga class or whatever is ok, but team leading a lab full of women to hit on them is not. Tutoring women to hit on them or even “see if I get lucky” is not. It is a conflict of interest clearly.

Even just having a bunch of guys in a class they have no intention of studying for or completing just to get lucky is clearly off.

Yes people meet each other in jobs and school etc. but usually by chance not engineered to this degree.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#272

Post by texaslonghorn5 »

troupe wrote: post #223
beaned wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It is weird when people take a class specifically because of that reason though. The ends seem to justify the means, sometimes. I know a married couple who met on a college campus. While students, the man (boy at the time, really) was a manager and chose his and her hours at the campus store so they would overlap. They tell this story proudly. The distinction between weird and romance seems to be whether it succeed…

Richard Feynman choose to learn Portuguese instead of Spanish because there was a pretty girl in the Portuguese class line.

considering what we know about Richard Feynman's personal life, I'm not sure this is the great example you think it is.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#273

Post by murrkat »

jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

Is there not a chance one of the young men offering open labs or tutoring might, in fact, be intelligent, enthusiastic about the sciences and decent?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#274

Post by 8note »

nodemaker wrote: post #30
imranq wrote: post #23

This seems like an extremely low yield way to get female attention. A male engineering student would have to take an entire class, study new material, and come up with schemes for seeming like a "chad" for the unlikely chance that the opposite gender will be impressed with him. They could spend that time building cool things. Are people really this desperate?

People pursue what they are interested in.

Per the above, for these students it's the math for the most part

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#275

Post by pyth0 »

commandlinefan wrote: post #220
aborsy wrote: post #19

Maybe address the imbalance of men and women in some branches of studies. How are people supposed to meet relevant mates? I mean, they could use an app or social events, but you could raise the same complaints there too.

> How are people supposed to meet relevant mates? I suspect the complainants real problem is that she doesn’t want these men to meet mates ever.

This is a wild conclusion to reach and it ignores the details of the situation completely.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#276

Post by Tozen »

8f2ab37a-ed6c wrote: post #13

I still have clear recollection of the 50:1 men-to-women ratio in my CS2xx classes and higher. Your odds weren't good if you were hoping to meet Mrs. Right. I imagine things have gotten better since. Still, seems like a fairly high effort low outcome place to meet someone who is likely not even receptive to advances in that context. Do colleges not offer many other opportunities for people to meet outside of class in…

Part of the problem appears to be the anti-male agendas or stealth contempt of males and heterosexual coupling. If this was in reverse or non heterosexual, it would likely be close to a "protected" privilege or right nor not even mentioned.

Almost any context to where males are perceived to be at an advantage or even having better options for hooking up, has become fashionable to demonize. Even mentioning the situation and the inherent unfairness of it can mean attempts at silencing and demonization.

It has reached the point of silliness, where instead of focusing on teaching (like you would think), time is endlessly spent on worrying about which adults might be dating who or ways to more effectively block heterosexual male students.

That this is even going on, is likely a reflection of such reduced normal opportunities for meeting (that should be available in college), that students would be resorting to more desperate measures.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#277

Post by xupybd »

boppo1 wrote: post #253
nhchris wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You've assumed a great deal more about their behavior than was written. The professor even states "no unwanted advances are taking place", contradicting your characterization. Indeed, your extra assumptions would qualify as 'disruption', and I imagine the professor would be well within her rights to expel such students. But merely offering, not pushing, assistance, or even less "showboating", letting students in sear…

Rule 1. Be attractive. Rule 2. Don't be unattractive. It's not a joke.

While this is true, you have a lot more control over this than you may realize. Especially if you're a male seeking a female. Most men think they same physical characteristics they're interested in will be appealing to the opposite sex. There are many physical traits that women prefer but they're less shallow than us men.

Confidence and the ability to talk are huge. You're social status among your peer group. How well you dress. Do you look after yourself physically. All of these things can be developed.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#278

Post by joe-collins »

murrkat wrote: post #273
jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

Is there not a chance one of the young men offering open labs or tutoring might, in fact, be intelligent, enthusiastic about the sciences and decent ?

If they're so intelligent and decent, why are they relying on such disturbing tactics to meet women in the first place?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#279

Post by mattzito »

jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

This was my first reaction as well - sounds cute and prankish until you’re one of the students negatively affected.

Meeting people is part of the college experience, and I definitely met people who attended classes with a higher female ratio in the hopes of meeting someone.

But there’s a big difference between “I’ll take an acting class because there’s a lot more women there”, where you might just happen to learn something, and “I’m going to effectively run a class and control the situation so attractive students get an advantage by hanging out with me”

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#280

Post by Dalewyn »

fastball wrote: post #160
Dalewyn wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are appropriate times and places to pork yourself out, academia is not one of them. Go pork yourself after you've "punched out".

1. I don't actually know what "pork yourself out" means. 2. Why is porking yourself out at work more appropriate than academia? 3. What if you stay in academia your entire life?

>1. I don't actually know what "pork yourself out" means.

Making romantic and sexual advances and acts upon another.

>2. Why is porking yourself out at work more appropriate than academia?

I said no such thing. Porking out should be done solely in your private time.

>3. What if you stay in academia your entire life?

See above.

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