Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

None of my kids got any screen time (including TV) until 2 or 3 years old. This was a good decision, but perhaps it should've lasted until about 5. Technology was a huge problem, and I think contributed incredibly negatively to their mental and physical well-being.

The truly bad decision was giving my first child personal devices at about age 7 -- because he was very interested in them and I thought it would be a good hobby. This meant old laptops and phones we had lying around. If I had a second try, I would try to postpone personal devices until they are 16, or at least 12 -- the longer the better. I had plenty of fights with my second kid about my monitoring of those devices and letting them have phones in their rooms over the night -- and my second mistake was eventually giving in due to those fights. I now know that I would give exactly 0 inches on monitoring the devices and absolutely not let them have phones in their rooms over the night as long as they live in our house.

Note that educating your kids to stay away from devices kind of demands that you also don't use them while you're with your kids. They learn by example unfortunately. There might be my third mistake.

If I had any ideals about parenting, they are so long gone that I don't remember ever having them. People tell me that I listen to my children and negotiate with them more than parents usually do -- that might be a good idea. I think my overall tip is that you will make mistakes and you should not dwell endlessly on those mistakes. Move on, learn something, but don't ruminate. Children will make you a worse person that you thought you were, but they also make you a better person that you thought you could be.

(Also: if your kid is loud, protect your ears -- physical pain makes good parenting so much more difficult)

how do you get that impression?

just montessori in years 3-6 before school will be helpful. at that age it caters to the childrens curiosity and teaches them to be more independent (like learning to dress themselves and play on their own, even how to be careful with scissors and knives) so you don't have to worry about them when they start school.

sure, continuing montessori until later would be good, but that doesn't mean the first few years are wasted in case you don't continue.

and i strongly disagree with your last point. montessori teaches kids to learn on their own. a child that can learn on their own can thrive anywhere.

> So a kid will always prefer to use a tablet than visit their fun friends or do something exciting?

I'm sure it varies from kid to kid, but my (now) 15 year-old always preferred visiting friends over generally unrestricted access to XBox or other electronic entertainments. It wasn't even close. Hell, even a bike ride or "adventure" with mom or dad was preferable, possibly because there would be a playground, treat, or other fun along the way.

Now that they're older, mom and dad don't have as much say, but most online time is spent with friends, but getting together IRL still trumps being online. Again, we try to encourage this by always saying "yes" to any remotely reasonable request to drive them somewhere, have some cash to hang out downtown, etc.

that's how they rope you in, ditto for scientologists. create good impressions, build a base, and then snipe a few of the biggest fans, focus on them and try to build converts.

common in other propaganda and marketing approaches, too; e.g. Pepsi v Coke, or subreddits about normal days in Russia, etc.

I though I've laid it out: you don't have to be the perfect parent all the time, so please don't suffer because you cannot always adhere to your own quality standard ("no cake at 3am"). I say this because many do and suffer when they are not perfect. And they think they are alone in this.