Ask HN: What's your approach to raising kids?

My wife stayed home with my son, so we didn’t need to get childcare- she didn’t have a high paying job nor a career, so it worked for us. It did mean going without for somethings, but we didn’t feel the need to buy stuff for him to make up missing time.

He went to a Montessori preschool (kindergarten) from about 3 years old. It matched my philosophy, in the sense of treating him like a mini adult rather than a toddler.

Primary school is a smaller (1.5-2 form years) which suited his personality.

Sports wise, a bit of swimming and some running occasionally.

We didn’t allow him to watch any screens for the 1st year, but now are a lot more relaxed.

Much like training dogs, where it’s the owner that requires the changing - I have changed a fair bit. My dad travelled a lot when I was a kid, so I didn’t see much of him when growing up - and when I did see him, he’d be drinking. So, I decided to be a positive role model - stopped drinking alcohol, regularly running/going to the gym and giving my son as much time as I can.

There isn’t much I’d change tbh - he seems content and confident in himself. Kind, shares well (this took a few years, ofc - it isn’t natural to share your favourite toy!).

Just being around them, talking to them, letting them "help" cook and clean, and providing some board books that you also read to them (they might not sit still and listen until age 2 or so, don't worry) will set them up for learning the rest in due time.

Personally, I kept my 2.5-year-old kid away from video until he was nearly two, then started letting him watch a carefully curated list of downloaded non-violent nature videos on an old laptop when I need him distracted (like when I'm dealing with stuff in the oven). Neither of us watched much TV before he came along, so leaving it off wasn't a sacrifice. We ended up wall-mounting it over the piano we got due to some serious scope-creep on "how high to mount TV the kid is about to pull over on himself". Result? My husband got back into playing the piano, and the kid has gotten mostly past the banging random keys phase into picking one and sticking with it for a few seconds.

If he acts up when I stop the video, the laptop gets put away and doesn't come out again for a few days.

I do not intentionally let him handle my phone or tablet, and despite that, he knows how to swipe and tap, so I'm not worried about him not being able to use a tablet once/if it's required by the time he starts school.

From how he acted the few times he's been exposed to modern child-targeted media (the constant stream of Disney Jr. at his American cousins' house), I will continue to keep that sort of content to being a "not at home" thing. I don't care if he sees it at someone else's house, and I'll probably start bringing him to the movies when I think he can sit still for an hour or so, because he needs to know something about the culture his peers are marinating in.

The most important thing is to listen to your children and understand their needs, interests and ideas, and use them as the basis for learning and exploration. It is so much easier to foster them when you focus on their interests.

Recognize real accomplishments, document them and reflect on them with the children. Sometimes we just look at their first steps together.

We also have tried to create an environment where they can fail until they learn. As we say in the business "Fail fast" and encourage their independence by providing opportunities for them to make choices, solve problems, and take initiative. Even if the choice is "Do you want to eat carrots or broccoli with your dinner today?".

One thing that I need to improve on is to create opportunities our kids to interact with others (mostly due to Covid/the pandemic). Now that they are in preschool we see that they learn so much faster from others in their own age.

[1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reggio_Emilia_approach

[1] https://www.gatesfoundation.org/goalkeepers/report/2019-repo...