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What to do when you’ve ruined your life

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141–143 of 143 posts

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#141
post #72

Have a fantastic loving partner, an incredible house we worked so much on, an amazing job with fantastic people I enjoy being around every day. I've decided to part ways with my partner now and move out, be on my own again at 30. I could've started a family now, but chose not to. I don't know if that opportunity will ever come again. I've tried hard, but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of living a life accordin…

> Am I ruining my life?

Probably. That template you’re running away from is popular because it works. Most people meet all of their friends in school, which you only have access to when you’re young. Then you meet a partner in your mid-20s because that’s when everyone else is also looking for a partner. Then you get your career in full swing because you have few responsibilities and can put a lot of energy into it. Then you start a family because that’s the point in your life where fertility is optimal.

All those things happen at roughly similar times for everyone, because each stage of life is optimized for that task. If you try to break the template, then you become the creepy old guy at the club trying to meet people. Or the guy in mid-life who has no career history in that field. Or you don’t have the energy to raise kids anymore. Or the pool of available partners is so small you don’t really have any options.

You don’t live in this world alone, and most large goals require collaboration with other people, even if that collaboration is simply aligning your timing do do things when everyone else is. You won’t live forever, and your mind and body will slowly fail. You need to do things while you still can, not when some unattainable ideal state is reached.

You don’t have infinite time to wait for perfect opportunities to come along. You need to make them happen as best you can with the people and resources you have available at that moment.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#142
post #87

I kind of ruined up my career some by taking an extended break to pursue other interests like depression and sleeping 12+ hours per day. What I didn't really factor into my choice was employers are scared of people who have the financial independence to take breaks like this because they cannot be relied on to be loyal wage slaves. I haven't found a great way to overcome this yet because I totally get their concerns.…

>and sleeping 12+ hours per day. I hit rock bottom and have slowly dug out. It was more on the relationship side of things. One thing I noticed these days is I tend to get very sleepy. I am not sure whether it is age related as I am approaching 40. The sleep is such that I fall asleep while typing or if I am reading I fall asleep and the book falls down. I can sleep for long hours and I feel very nice after waking up…

First thought is you probably need to exercise. Even light cardio for 20 min daily will help.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#143
post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>and sleeping 12+ hours per day. I hit rock bottom and have slowly dug out. It was more on the relationship side of things. One thing I noticed these days is I tend to get very sleepy. I am not sure whether it is age related as I am approaching 40. The sleep is such that I fall asleep while typing or if I am reading I fall asleep and the book falls down. I can sleep for long hours and I feel very nice after waking up…

First thought is you probably need to exercise. Even light cardio for 20 min daily will help.

I think you are right. I have to get some exercise as my mind too is getting very slow.
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