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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#711

Post by astrange »

kragen wrote: post #707
astrange wrote: post #689

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In Asia (very vaguely speaking…) it's comparatively more common to meet people exclusively outside the home whether you're friends, dates, or even early into a committed relationship. It's entirely possible you'll never see inside someone's house, though "home dates"/"home parties" are a thing. That's probably an effect of small apartments and lots of restaurants.

What are the popular gathering spots other than restaurants?

Karaoke, arcades, BBQ in a park, bars, drinking in convenience store parking lots, that kind of thing.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#712

Post by bt4u »

josefresco wrote: post #73
f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

> incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit While there's a perception that incels are ugly, socially awkward nerds, the one's I've interreacted with online (and off) tend to be angry, misogynistic douchebags. The nerdiest guys I know (IRL) all have significant others. The bitter guys I know (two) IRL are older, have let themselves go and have nothing "going for them". They are both very active onlin…

[dead]

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#713

Post by bmn__ »

tasuki wrote: post #502
notch656c wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tinder is straight up depressing for the median dude. My mind was blown just how much harder it was to get a date on tinder vs getting a date in real life. I can do the latter pretty easily but trying to get one on tinder would be like months of constant effort to then get ditched before the date even starts. It feels like 90% of women on there are chasing the top 10% of dudes and not settling for anything else.

> It feels like 90% of women on there are chasing the top 10% of dudes and not settling for anything else. Sure, and 90% dudes are chasing the top 10% women.

But if they cannot win the competition of the chase, they will easily settle for a lower decile woman. That's the difference.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#714

Post by avmich »

ska wrote: post #667
avmich wrote: post #588

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> How much time do these friends spend in social situations with women where the goal isn't to get laid/find a girlfriend? Sometimes it's all available time. Which could be really small or none at all. Behavior could be significantly affected by proximity with women, when you're in certain age and experience. It's described in the literature, for here it could be said a social - social - situation with women where th…

It shouldn’t be rare though (assuming US cultural norms). If it is, that might be a big part of the root problem.

What norms have to do with this? Imagine that whenever a man is in proximity of women it's like a loud signal which doesn't go away, and he needs to concentrate on anything else to avoid following the noise. It's irrelevant which cultural norms are around.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#715

Post by kragen »

astrange wrote: post #711
kragen wrote: post #707

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are the popular gathering spots other than restaurants?

Karaoke, arcades, BBQ in a park, bars, drinking in convenience store parking lots, that kind of thing.

Thanks! Karaoke can work here (in Koreantown). Arcades (you mean video arcades, right?) have kind of disappeared, though there are a couple left. In past years "ciberes" were potentially feasible; those are businesses where you pay by the hour to use an internet-connected PC, similar to a "PC bang". I've done meetups in the park, with or without picnics, but not barbecue. Bars do exist. Any other ideas?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#716

Post by bastardoperator »

notch656c wrote: post #692
bastardoperator wrote: post #682

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You walked right into it, that's not my fault. LOL. First you had family that worked in healthcare "I have family in healthcare so I hear the stories.". Now you're able to draw parallels because you get to see the people that deal with others? It doesn't even make sense. I have people that work in the healthcare industry including doctors too. Your evidence is andetoal at best, hearsay at worst. You don't have a data…

Yeah just be able to get the world's best neurologist and hope the situation gets better. If it does I'll say after the fact I'm sure no matter what it'd be in sickness and in health and I'm super man who doesn't fatigue. Obviously the impoverished mom who can't even afford to hire a doctor and walks away so the kids won't get bankrupted, well she just doesn't see marriage the same as you. Hell maybe she did all the…

I have an unusual outcome? You're grasping at straws, name calling, and making a ton of assumptions with literally zero data. I'll budge an inch, sure, if your partner is going to need long term hospice care, I can understand why you might move on, but that's not the case for most fully disabled people and families. You're basically saying if you lost the ability to walk and it inconveniences me I'm bailing on you. That's a weak marriage, it's might even be the definition of a weak marriage. I don't think sticking with your partner through thick and thin is abnormal.

Do you not understand the premise of the most common wedding vow ever to be spoken? "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health." That's just a fancy way of saying I'll love you for who you are because I'm not transactional.

Honestly, your marriage sounds like a sociopaths dream. How many points and transactions can I earn so my partner thinks I actually care. You also lied about your data for some silly reason. Anyway, I'm gonna take my upvotes and move on. You have a great day.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#717

Post by seydor »

Traubenfuchs wrote: post #70

I am a handsome gay man and I can open up Grindr to pick todays solution to my sexual loneliness at any time. Sometimes I do, because my hormones and lust dictate my actions. Just invite someone over during home office and fornicate while I carefully listen to Slack sounds in the background. Generally all it lead to so far was the whole ABC of STDs and even more loneliness. Sex is incredibly overrated and I probably…

this is not solving anything though. people who end up with long-term lonenlines feel (rightly) practically excluded from society and STDs are not high in their concerns

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#718

Post by ska »

avmich wrote: post #714
ska wrote: post #667

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It shouldn’t be rare though (assuming US cultural norms). If it is, that might be a big part of the root problem.

What norms have to do with this? Imagine that whenever a man is in proximity of women it's like a loud signal which doesn't go away, and he needs to concentrate on anything else to avoid following the noise. It's irrelevant which cultural norms are around.

Cultural norm meaning it is normal to be in social contexts with mixed groups of genders without it being primarily sexual, and generally expected of people. There are countries and cultures where this is not true, which makes mixed gender interactions different.

> Imagine that whenever a man is in proximity of women it's like a loud signal which doesn't go away,

This is not normal, and may point to deeper problems.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#719

Post by sangnoir »

avmich wrote: post #684
sangnoir wrote: post #620

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Don't talk lightly about such things. Rejections are a known cause for suicides. If being rejected by a potential employer or potential sexual partner results in suicide ideation - I strongly recommend talking to a professional expeditiously. A person in a healthy state of mind can be disappointed by rejection, but ought to realize that a self-fulfilling fear response while interacting with the potential employer/p…

> If being rejected by a potential employer or potential sexual partner results in suicide ideation - I strongly recommend talking to a professional expeditiously. Hmm... > A person in a healthy state of mind can be disappointed by rejection, but ought to realize that a self-fulfilling fear response while interacting with the potential employer/partner is unhelpful and take steps to mitigate future occurrences. Imagi…

> Imagine you need to fly over a river to save your life, because you're being chased by a maniac with an axe. Would you fly?

No, I would not - but if I survive the encounter, I would learn to swim under highly controlled circumstances (i.e. while not being chased by a maniac), and swim an increasing number of laps to help my endurance. That way I may have confidence to swim across raging river, if my life involved having to borrow axes from strangers near rivers.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#720

Post by bradlys »

leidenfrost wrote: post #651
GregLan wrote: post #616

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you are a white person who goes to a developing nation you'll be top 10% while in your country you may be in the bottom 20%

I know a guy who tried to do that, but his desperation traveled alongside him. Here in Buenos Aires if there's something valued as much as looks, is spontaneity. So much, that we have the same words for "going on a date" and "hanging out". Because "a date" sounds like you are looking forwards to it and that's a turn off. You have to read the vibe to see if it's really a date or not. So, as soon as he got some attenti…

Argentina also just has a lot of white people…
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