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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#671

Post by avmich »

mixmastamyk wrote: post #613
lechacker wrote: post #549

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am under psychiatric treatment. And the way we treat it isn't by expecting me to magically integrate to society at my age with my lack of experience but by managing the despair. That's why I wanted to comment here: I found most comments looking for "ways" to get these guys "dates". But some (and I bet it's most) of those who are sexually lonely (or romantically lonely) are past the social point-of-no-return. They a…

As others mentioned you could “just jump in the pool.” And it would work eventually. But from these comments I don’t think you will. Instead going to point out that you are not the only one. I know a female version of this for example. You might seek these folks out, it’s the age of micro communities, however unlikely. Bluntly and ultimately a person needs to “get over themselves.” Our lives are filled with pain. We…

I'd agree with the point that "it's never too late". However, other ideas seem more suspicious. E.g. it's not that "I don't think you will" - he won't because he can't, not because he doesn't want to.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#672

Post by seydor »

todfox wrote: post #278

Sexual loneliness and frustration is strange to me. I accept that it is real and painful for many people. But I just don't understand how the desire for sex drives people to take risks with their health and safety, or how the lack of it causes despair or violence. What is the big deal about sex anyway? Why do some guys go crazy if they can't have sexual intimacy? A lot of time and effort for what, ten minutes of plea…

> the desire for sex drives people to take risks with their health and safety, or how the lack of it causes despair or violence.

They don't . There are scores of men who are lonely. You only hear about a tiny few vocal cases which are not even statistically significant. Men are much more likely to commit violence in general regardless of sexual frustration. But it's easy for psychopaths to attribute their violent behavior to anything

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#673

Post by astrange »

71a54xd wrote: post #420
dashdot wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's definitely different. But difficult is subjective. Personally, I prefer the experience as a male. Instead of getting flooded with goofs, I can focus on a small amount of matches.

I think the most damaging reality of these apps is when a man who himself thinks he's low-value and doesn't understand how to improve only gets a few matches from the algo of women who are below average attractiveness. I'm going to get flamed for this but in general I think it's right to assume that the average woman in 2022 is less attractive than the average man, BMI / height stats support this. This outcome genera…

> I'm going to get flamed for this but in general I think it's right to assume that the average woman in 2022 is less attractive than the average man, BMI / height stats support this.

What's your definition of attractive height…?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#674

Post by dzonga »

giantg2 wrote: post #135
spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

"I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-looking, that have not been touched by a woman in years." I have a friends like this. One solution a couple of them have found is dating internationally. Not via "mail-order" services though. It was sort of a situation where they had a domestic friend who had friends or relatives abroad who were looking for a US marriage. So there was some trust there, a…

yeah internationally traveling to date I encourage it.

even if it's just for short term flings.

a lot of average guys tend to get overlooked with online dating, and don't have the cojones to approach their local women.

whereas if it's international - you become interesting - just by being someone a woman doesn't interact with on a daily basis i.e you not the local loser. so chances of her fucking you for the "wow" factor are higher than if you were a local.

of course don't go there trying to find love

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#675

Post by astrange »

dheera wrote: post #167
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

> her inbox would be flooded with messages Yeah this is a unstable feedback loop. Women want men to message first. So they don't message first. So a lot of men spray all the women with generic messages first (because spending even any amount of effort on a single woman is most likely going to get ignored, so men just assume 1 in 100 people respond and don't put much effort until there is at least one response from he…

That's how Bumble works. I don't need to use dating apps but a few coworkers tell me it works for them.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#676

Post by avmich »

OkayPhysicist wrote: post #600
avmich wrote: post #534

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Most people don't feel great after each rejection and so are not willing to put in the work. Don't talk lightly about such things. Rejections are a known cause for suicides. > The only exception is if the person has some kind of trauma or psychological wall and exposure harms them - in that case, I recommend talking to a professional first. It's likely everybody had a rejection at least once. It's also likely a lar…

There's a huge difference between "being rejected, and a bit bummed about it" and "being rejected, and being traumatized by it". The only way anybody gets good at anything is repeated failures. While learning to ice skate, you get some bruises from falling on your ass. Get up, dust yourself off, keep trying. If you fall down and break your arm, maybe get some professional help before trying again.

There could be an ocean of difference between failures learning to skate and failures learning to get dates, to the point it's not interesting to compare. At very least to some people.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#677

Post by seydor »

rngname22 wrote: post #452
todfox wrote: post #278

Sexual loneliness and frustration is strange to me. I accept that it is real and painful for many people. But I just don't understand how the desire for sex drives people to take risks with their health and safety, or how the lack of it causes despair or violence. What is the big deal about sex anyway? Why do some guys go crazy if they can't have sexual intimacy? A lot of time and effort for what, ten minutes of plea…

Replace all the references to sex with food/hunger in your statements - "What is the big deal about food anyway? Why do some guys go crazy if they can't eat? A lot of time and effort for what, ten minutes of deliciousness?" I think perhaps it will make sense? The reason libido is referred to as a 'biological drive' (definition: "an innate motivational state produced by depletion or deprivation of a needed substance (…

it s not a need though, nobody died from celibacy. there are thousands of men who choose to become monks etc forgoing sexual pleasure. it is a drive, but not a need

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#678

Post by leidenfrost »

autoexec wrote: post #663
leidenfrost wrote: post #651

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know a guy who tried to do that, but his desperation traveled alongside him. Here in Buenos Aires if there's something valued as much as looks, is spontaneity. So much, that we have the same words for "going on a date" and "hanging out". Because "a date" sounds like you are looking forwards to it and that's a turn off. You have to read the vibe to see if it's really a date or not. So, as soon as he got some attenti…

> So much, that we have the same words for "going on a date" and "hanging out". Sounds like something that would cause a lot of misunderstandings. How often is that a plot device in sitcoms?

A good and a bad:

Without calling it a date, you are expected to read the vibe. And yes, you can misread it. But, without making it clear, it's not so bad if you misread, because that's where you get the first "no".

I personally think that if one part is into the other, but not vice-versa, not only the relationships won't happen, but also that friendship likely won't happen either. Like relationships, friendships need to have both parties actually wanting it.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#679

Post by poloniust »

RajT88 wrote: post #666
poloniust wrote: post #629

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which parts of my comment do you believe are dubious, and why? If we look at the eradication of female-only spaces, for example, the reasoning behind this is that proponents of transgenderism want women's spaces to be based on self-declared gender identity rather than sex. Where this occurs, it means that formerly female-only spaces and services now admit a mixture of males and females, as they will also include men…

So you have no sources. Just assertions. And those assertions are taken from the talking point list of people who are bigoted transphobes. Got it.

That's a rather lazy dismissal, seems that you don't like having your beliefs challenged, and will say anything to avoid considering a different point of view.

Perhaps you can explain which parts of my comment you think are factually incorrect?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#680

Post by astrange »

Zigurd wrote: post #76
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

i know women get inundated with messages on dating apps, but I would not blame the structure of dating app for the misfortune of some men. The #1 cause of men not being datable is the advice they get from other men. Try listening to women instead. In workplace settings, men tend to speak up whether or not they have something wise to contribute. This communications style carries over into the way men use dating apps.…

Libertarian techbros aren't that common. Most tech people are liberals just like any other college educated group.

(Similarly, richer people/political donors are usually liberals and the richer/more they donate the more liberal they are. It's all thanks to education polarization.)

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