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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#611

Post by poloniust »

RajT88 wrote: post #601
poloniust wrote: post #554

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The irony of transgenderism is that it's just yet another form of patriarchal exploitation of women, in its drive to eradicate female-only spaces, in encouraging actual female women to mutilate themselves to reach some twisted ideal of masculinity, and in reifying gendered impositions as the epitome of womanhood, for the pleasure of men. Conservatives don't see it from this point of view, of course, but feminists - t…

Nothing says, "I am deeply knowledgeable about this issue; you should listen to my authoritative analysis of it" like a burner account post.

If you've nothing to say other than shallow dismissal, why bother commenting?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#612

Post by nvarsj »

There is something messed up in modern dating. IME a girl who is a 5/10 can get a date/laid easily, with barely any effort, and usually with a more attractive male.

A guy who is 5/10 has to do insane antics just to get a shot, including learn to be a standup comedian, be in great shape, have a good job, read tons of dating books, etc.

I’m not sure it’s the fault of OLD, but something is messed up. It’s frankly depressing to date as a guy these days.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#613

Post by mixmastamyk »

lechacker wrote: post #549
avmich wrote: post #544

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ugh. Did you consider looking for help from paid professionals?

I am under psychiatric treatment. And the way we treat it isn't by expecting me to magically integrate to society at my age with my lack of experience but by managing the despair. That's why I wanted to comment here: I found most comments looking for "ways" to get these guys "dates". But some (and I bet it's most) of those who are sexually lonely (or romantically lonely) are past the social point-of-no-return. They a…

As others mentioned you could “just jump in the pool.” And it would work eventually. But from these comments I don’t think you will.

Instead going to point out that you are not the only one. I know a female version of this for example. You might seek these folks out, it’s the age of micro communities, however unlikely.

Bluntly and ultimately a person needs to “get over themselves.” Our lives are filled with pain. We and everyone we love will be dead within a few decades. Refusing to live to avoid pain is on you, barring disease or dismemberment. Not to mention unrealistic.

Continuing your treatment sounds like a good idea. When you feel stable, one thing that blew my mind was skydiving. Cheapest quickest therapy ever. In a few seconds everything you thought was important ceases to exist. I literally kissed the ground after landing and said, “I’m alive!”

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#614

Post by wpietri »

RajT88 wrote: post #601
poloniust wrote: post #554

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The irony of transgenderism is that it's just yet another form of patriarchal exploitation of women, in its drive to eradicate female-only spaces, in encouraging actual female women to mutilate themselves to reach some twisted ideal of masculinity, and in reifying gendered impositions as the epitome of womanhood, for the pleasure of men. Conservatives don't see it from this point of view, of course, but feminists - t…

Nothing says, "I am deeply knowledgeable about this issue; you should listen to my authoritative analysis of it" like a burner account post.

For sure. Especially when it's regurgitating a blob of standard-issue partisan nonsense that is only tenuously related to what's actually being discussed.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#615

Post by LorenPechtel »

mattyb678 wrote: post #283
dheera wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm single and male, and personally I don't feel a "need" for sex. I do wish other less intrusive forms of intimacy e.g. hugs could be more legitimized between single people, though. Sometimes I see pictures of cats cuddling and just wonder why humans are so bad at engaging in simple, consensual comforts like that.

There are professional cuddlers that you can hire for, non-sexual, cuddles.

Yeah, but I've never understood the appeal. I am no more interested in professional cuddling than professional sex. They are natural parts of a relationship and to me have no value outside that context.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#616

Post by GregLan »

thw09j9m wrote: post #124

I'll chime in as somebody who's been considered top 10% of attractiveness in one country and bottom 50% in another - the difference in the amount of sexual opportunities on apps is absolutely staggering. Not that this should be a surprise to anyone. Where I am considered attractive, I've gotten 80+ matches in one day and random women messaging me at 11PM telling me they're lonely and to come hang out. I've had more f…

If you are a white person who goes to a developing nation you'll be top 10% while in your country you may be in the bottom 20%

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#617

Post by wpietri »

Manuel_D wrote: post #523
wpietri wrote: post #507

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For sure. It's true that men in abusive relationships are definitionally in relationships. But the reason for that isn't, "women like abuse". Many people of all genders have abusive bosses, but nobody uses that to conclude that people like having abusive bosses. The way it works is that successful abusers are good at fooling people to get them into contexts where they can abuse. The ones not good enough at that end u…

Again, the question isn't whether people like having an abusive partner. The question is, is being an abusive (or just bad) partner positively or inversely correlated with sexual opportunity? Your linked post doesn't engage with that question at all. It does explore why people perpetrate abuse, which is an interesting discussion in its own right, but not relevant to this OP.

Is that the question? I'm not sure why you're asking it or what you'd do with that answer.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#618

Post by poloniust »

wpietri wrote: post #614
RajT88 wrote: post #601

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nothing says, "I am deeply knowledgeable about this issue; you should listen to my authoritative analysis of it" like a burner account post.

For sure. Especially when it's regurgitating a blob of standard-issue partisan nonsense that is only tenuously related to what's actually being discussed.

It's a response to this:

> trans women are a subversion of traditional gender roles

And this:

> Exactly. The traditional gender roles come out of the tradition of patriarchal exploitation of women,

If you think it's nonsense, explain why.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#619

Post by konart »

lechacker wrote: post #524
konart wrote: post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Not much. Maybe a house of worship Literature clubs, language classes. Literally any hobbie that does not require you to stay focused on device that may cut off your fingers if you look away.

Trying to "flirt" in those spheres is looked down upon just as ferociously as doing it at the office. Have you not seen the viral TikTok of the woman that was "angry" that some guy was "checking her out" at the gym, while the man was barely paying attention at her at all?

I don't use TikTok but I understand the problem. I wasn't talking about visiting those places just to pick up a partner. I was talking about opporunities provided by a place were you are basically forced into communication.

The hardest part in any relationship (at least if you are a shy person without much of experience) is to start talking. It's much easier to talk to someone if you already know each other. Work\clubs etc - provide a great ground for a first step(s)

Obviously people will turn away from you if you just came by to flirt.

>as ferociously as doing it at the office

People always flirt in the office thouth. In many cases they do this naturally and even without any thought about any kind of continuation. In many cases they are in a relationship even.

Flirtin is not only about sex, in fact it is more about sharing with other people "youtube pickup masters")

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#620

Post by sangnoir »

avmich wrote: post #534
sangnoir wrote: post #491

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The trick is to not be desperate for the job, and to schedule as many job interviews as humanly possible until it's just a thing you do[1]. Most people don't feel great after each rejection and so are not willing to put in the work. 1. The same strategy applies to public speaking, or product demos, or chairing a meeting, or systems design for people who feel they are not good at it. The human mind is incredibly adapt…

> Most people don't feel great after each rejection and so are not willing to put in the work. Don't talk lightly about such things. Rejections are a known cause for suicides. > The only exception is if the person has some kind of trauma or psychological wall and exposure harms them - in that case, I recommend talking to a professional first. It's likely everybody had a rejection at least once. It's also likely a lar…

> Don't talk lightly about such things. Rejections are a known cause for suicides.

If being rejected by a potential employer or potential sexual partner results in suicide ideation - I strongly recommend talking to a professional expeditiously.

A person in a healthy state of mind can be disappointed by rejection, but ought to realize that a self-fulfilling fear response while interacting with the potential employer/partner is unhelpful and take steps to mitigate future occurrences.

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