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What to do when you’ve ruined your life

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Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#81

Post by curiousllama »

I remember in my 20s going from Having it All Figured Out to single, unemployed, drastically reduced social circle, living in my parents basement, got depressed & anxious, got out of shape, took smoking back up - all in 6 months time. It wasn't all connected, but it did happen all at once, and I definitely let it snowball on me.

The best advice I got was to solve one problem at a time. I went all in on getting a job. Then getting an apt. Then getting in shape. Then reconnecting with friends. Then dating again. Then quitting smoking again.

I definitely had to lean on family/friends for help. Especially my parents, who had their adult son back in their basement for a few months, and a few friends/former colleagues, who worked their networks on my behalf.

> I have expertise in Ruined Life Reclamation

In hindsight, the person who gave me the best advice definitely did have some expertise themselves.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#82

Post by watwut »

vba616 wrote: post #62
RubyRidgeRandy wrote: post #18

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimulated I just lay on my kitchen floor convulsing uncontrollably. The next few days I didn't know what to do. My body would just shake, I couldn't sleep and I stayed up until I passed out for an hour, and then my shaking would wake up myself up again. I was over…

A long time ago, I read an account online of someone who was looking for a new recreational drug experience and they got some risperidone, which is a popular antipsychotic. ( https://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=20529 ) They took a much larger dose than the normally prescribed amount, and it resulted in a vividly recounted seemingly interminable and utterly hellish experience. I found it interesting and kind…

I don't think that much higher dose then prescribed combined with a person that would not be prescribed the drug at all is a good example for your point. Dosage matters for the experience. And, whether your body has issue the drug is supposed to fix matters too. The reasons why people don't take drugs are more complex then that and for so.e of the issues there are simply no know drugs to fix it.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#83

Post by everyone »

spaniard89277 wrote: post #51

Is it a good thing to ruin your life more than once? I'm still paying the price of not having a structured family (not my fault), not studying when I should, and spending pretty much all my life until I was close to 30 yo doing mostly nothing of substance. It took me serious determination and hard work to close the gap. I did get my diplomas and stuff (and even chose the wrong degree for me), and still takes a toll o…

I did also "nothing of substance" until I was almost 30 also.. But it's fine I dont regret it. I did what I wanted at the time and I enjoyed that part of my life.

When I was approaching 30 I suddenly got these urges to get my life together and get a career, and I did, it was grand. I guess I am lucky and privileged, I did a free government course in programming and I loved it and that launched my career then.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#84

Post by scruple »

zander312 wrote: post #47
RubyRidgeRandy wrote: post #18

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimulated I just lay on my kitchen floor convulsing uncontrollably. The next few days I didn't know what to do. My body would just shake, I couldn't sleep and I stayed up until I passed out for an hour, and then my shaking would wake up myself up again. I was over…

It absolutely gets better. I took a heroic shroom dose and had a life alteringly bad experience. It left me a shell of my former self dealing with crippling anxiety and worse for years. It got better with time, therapy, and focusing on health and wellness. Professional help can really be a major catalyst for healing. I have now fully recovered, feel better than ever and have a great life. People must realize there is…

Exact same experience here. When I was in my early 20s. It derailed my life completely at the time but everything got back on track in a couple of years.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#85

Post by easeout »

kingkawn wrote: post #48
bounceyhouse84 wrote: post #19

[flagged]

The privileged have to invent their suffering in their leisure activities so that their lives feel any drop of meaning other than being an achievement trophy for the elder generation.

In my experience, when you always have the option of coasting, repeatedly choosing to coast is tempting. You know it leads to a worse outcome. You live in fear of long term regret from the sum of your choices. Suffering arrives in between activities, when you face all this. It's no wonder we like to be distracted.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#86

Post by jvanderbot »

sillysaurusx wrote: post #75
RubyRidgeRandy wrote: post #18

When I was 23, I misdosed myself and took 110mg of 4-AcO-DMT. The experience was EXTREMELY traumatic and I believed I was dying. At one point I was so overstimulated I just lay on my kitchen floor convulsing uncontrollably. The next few days I didn't know what to do. My body would just shake, I couldn't sleep and I stayed up until I passed out for an hour, and then my shaking would wake up myself up again. I was over…

> The one piece of advice that has helped me is the thinking that "I'm not the first one to ever go through this, and I won't be the last." No matter if you're fucked in the head, going bankrupt, getting divorced - whatever - you aren't alone and you can either find a solution or find acceptance. That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death." Maybe my response seems fli…

> That's good advice, but unfortunately it also applies to situations like "being put to death."

This may come as a surprise, but we should be able to face death calmly as well, knowing full well it affects everyone in due time.

It is more reliable than any other situation such as divorce, psychotic breakdown, sickness, loss of loved one....

I can't imagine being calm facing death, but I don't see is as a contradiction to say we can face divorce and death calmly and with equanimity knowing others have and will go through it.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#87

Post by jsz0 »

I kind of ruined up my career some by taking an extended break to pursue other interests like depression and sleeping 12+ hours per day. What I didn't really factor into my choice was employers are scared of people who have the financial independence to take breaks like this because they cannot be relied on to be loyal wage slaves. I haven't found a great way to overcome this yet because I totally get their concerns. Anyone who doesn't an absolutely 100% need the job is not as dependable. I don't want to be deceptive about why I took a break but in this case it feels like honesty just isn't gonna work.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#88

Post by winphone1974 »

csmpltn wrote: post #72

Have a fantastic loving partner, an incredible house we worked so much on, an amazing job with fantastic people I enjoy being around every day. I've decided to part ways with my partner now and move out, be on my own again at 30. I could've started a family now, but chose not to. I don't know if that opportunity will ever come again. I've tried hard, but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of living a life accordin…

Kind of sounds like you're rebelling against what you interpret as "the" template for life, but I'm not aware of any such thing beyond the broadest strokes. You can absolutely blow up what you've got and start from a new place, or you can define your life in the margins between what we all tend to have in common. Example: I have a wife, kids, home and job, but I also take big breaks between relatively short job tenures, do a lot of in-depth personal projects and mountain bike at a pretty extreme level for a guy pushing fifty.

Re: What to do when you’ve ruined your life

#89

Post by yodsanklai »

csmpltn wrote: post #72

Have a fantastic loving partner, an incredible house we worked so much on, an amazing job with fantastic people I enjoy being around every day. I've decided to part ways with my partner now and move out, be on my own again at 30. I could've started a family now, but chose not to. I don't know if that opportunity will ever come again. I've tried hard, but I just couldn't shake off the feeling of living a life accordin…

> be on my own again at 30.

It's really not that old, you have plenty of time to find someone and start a family. Tons of people are single in their 30s. After 40, I found it much harder to find someone though.

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