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Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

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Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#411

Post by AlecSchueler »

annyeonghada wrote: post #372
carlosjobim wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It doesn't happen that often to make it a reason to not enjoy life and go to parties.

>It doesn't happen that often Neither is sexual assault. Now try to use said justification against a victim. What is happening is that the empress is naked and we are not impressed by her accusations.

I mean it happens to 4 in 5 women, right? And we know that those numbers tend to be under reported, right?

Have you ever been close with a woman who didn't have multiple stories of assault to share. I haven't. Literally every woman I've ever dated, every woman in my immediate family and many of of close friends have talked to be about it, and it doesn't happen to them just once either. And we live in ostensibly one of the safest parts of the world, with plenty of money and good policing etc.

This isn't to mention the literal thousands of women showing up involuntarily on revenge porn websites every day, the creepshot websites, the harassment subreddits...

Nor the domestic abuse/spousal coercian (or the femicide that can follow!)

It's, like, literally super common. I'm sorry but if you think otherwise you need to listen better to the women around you.

Just think about it: The vast majority of sexual assault goes unreported, and the only a tiny percentage of reports are made maliciously. It's clear from napkin maths that sexual assault is orders of magnitude more common than false accusation.

The empress may well be naked but it's because men have ripped her clothes off.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#412

Post by AlecSchueler »

satokema wrote: post #371
acdha wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

For most people, the odds of the latter are zero. Most people do not commit sexual assault or want to commit it. It's not irrational to be worried about the unknown over the known.

Mouse women experience sexual assault in their lifetime.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#413

Post by dataexporter »

curiousllama wrote: post #204
wheats wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>"The best thing I did was become the shameless type of person who actively tries to create/join/combine social circles. It pretty quickly put me in touch with other people who do the same, and my social circle grew naturally after that." Any advice? That's a hard thing to do!

For sure. Assuming you have a few friends to start: (0) Reach out to everyone. Everyone. That old college acquaintance you just noticed is in your city? Get coffee/happy hour. You never know who's looking for more friends. (1) Encourage people to invite/bring their friends when you organize something. Hit up one friend for happy hour/food. "You've mentioned [coworker] a few times before - would he/she want to join us…

These are great suggestions!

I had always been the organizer in my friend group organizing trips, meetups and would spend initiating conversations and discussion even in the group chats.

Due to certain life circumstances I had gradually stopped and the entire group actually fell apart except a few friends who lived in the same cities.

Your post actually gave me an impetus to reach out to a lot of the older groups and reconnect. Thank you.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#414

Post by throwaway378037 »

motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

fuckin’ hell man

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#415

Post by npteljes »

QUrprUd1nCeicw wrote: post #209
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

As someone who has health problems that forcibly put me in at least a few of those "discretionary lifestyle demands," it's a little condescending for you to just dismiss it later as "neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity." The worst is probably COVID-related -- immunocompromised people have been complaining for these past couple of years about how the world just stopped taking COVID seriously and they stil…

I feel you on this one. On one hand, I'm happy that bio, everything-free, non-something etc became more mainstream, because we have a much larger selection and supply of such goods available. On the other hand, some people are ruining the reputation of those who have legitimate needs and restrictions.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#416

Post by sahila »

wkat4242 wrote: post #402
sahila wrote: post #366

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with you in spirit but I’ve found as I’ve gotten older, I actually have more fun doing things with people whose life views I agree with. It’s hard to bury feelings if someone else is against immigrants (my parents are one), are against techies (that’s me!), anti-abortion, and many other current things I care about. I’m not the type to raise a stink but I usually won’t have as much fun there either. I guess it…

Why are you against techies? What's so wrong with us? :'(

Nothing wrong with us, we rock :). I guess I’ve heard comments about our wealth inequality, gentrification, and mobility that not all careers have but there’s no easy solve.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#418

Post by Aromasin »

red-iron-pine wrote: post #288
Aromasin wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Things I've done to successfully restart my social life after Covid in the last year: * Restarted Crossfit. Social events have included BBQ's, meals out, trips away (normally CF related, but still great fun). Every box I've been to have been full of fun and interesting people. * Joined my local Wargaming/Boardgame club. Sit around drinking and playing games with a very varied bunch of people. Lots of nerds and the oc…

[flagged]

So pick a sport that isn't injury prone to better suit the person? I do it because it's fun and challenging, and brings me back to my own military days. Switch CrossFit for swimming/cycling and rugby for soccer, tennis. or basketball.

I'm replying to a recent college grad, and recommending things that worked for me. God forbid I try to help someone, with some simply suggestions of things that worked for me when I was in their situation just over a year ago.

Your comment reads as very bitter to be frank.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#419

Post by joenot443 »

mquirion wrote: post #113
joenot443 wrote: post #67

I held a 30 person NYE party in the house I just purchased, that's 9 years in a row I've been holding this party. We dance, sing karaoke, drink champagne, and catch each other up on our otherwise busy and turbulent lives. Mostly friends from high school, some from university, and others still we've met afterwards. It's a wonderful atmosphere, partially because nearly everyone there has known each other for years now.…

Based on what you say about your parents, I have a feeling a lot of your success here is because you've grown up being shown the way. Congratulations. It's a helluva skill. Many, many people grew up without such examples.

You're absolutely right, I don't remind them enough how good of a job they did with my siblings and I.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#420

Post by epistemer »

QUrprUd1nCeicw wrote: post #209
motohagiography wrote: post #184

I don't invite people over anymore because their fussiness scales negatively - where if you want to mix 5 people who each have a rule about what they cannot abide, the common denominator is rarely special enough to leave the house for. Between the discretionary lifestyle demands of vegetarians, vegans, non-glutens, non-porks, non-drinkers, anti-smokers, non-problematics, non-outdoorsies, hover-parents, maskers, and t…

As someone who has health problems that forcibly put me in at least a few of those "discretionary lifestyle demands," it's a little condescending for you to just dismiss it later as "neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity." The worst is probably COVID-related -- immunocompromised people have been complaining for these past couple of years about how the world just stopped taking COVID seriously and they stil…

Yea so the solution is to just not have parties.
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